Pac-Man Skull


Diameter : 35 cm, plaster.
Study in plaster of a complete skeleton of Pac-man, created by extrapolation from a comparative observation of a human skull and different predatory animal skulls.
Private collection

After reading the email below from an outgoing Comedy Central executive I realize that I need to update the official Business n'at "balls" policy to reflect changing community values.

"I’ve thought long and hard about how to end this e-mail. Like all of you, I’m constantly asked “What is it like working at Comedy Central???” I usually reply by forwarding an e-mail that I received in 1999, which is attached below. It came from [Entertainment Cable Network], and was in response to concerns they had with a South Park promo spot I sent them to run on their air. I think it sums up the surreal nature of our world quite succinctly."

-----Original Message-----

From: XXXX
Sent: Tuesday, February 09, 1999 1:42 PM
To: 'XXX'; 'XXX'; 'XXX'
Cc: XXX; XXX
Subject: Comedy Central's South Park Spot for w/o 2/8

XXX, XXX and XXX,

Sorry, but our Standards & Practices team has rejected the South Park spot you provided for this week that asks the question, "Where did Chef suggest you put his balls?" Similar to the "fart policy" I uncovered last year when trying to clear a South Park spot, it would appear we also have a "balls policy," whereby double entendres are not allowed.

So for your rotation this week, since we can't continue to run last week's approved "Chef's Greatest Hits" spot as it refers to last week's "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig" episode, we'll rotate the three approved Daily Show spots ("Ridiculous Places," "Saigon - Courageous" and "Digs Deep") one-third/one-third/one-third.

Please call or email back if you have any questions/comments.

XXX

read the rest here

It was always fun going to the central market in Ayacucho - you could buy anything you needed, including household goods, food, even magical items from the witches section. Perhaps my fondest memory is the Extracto de Rana. Translating to Frog Extract, you begin by choosing the froggy of your choice. The little fella then gets liquefied in a blender along with honey and a few spices, creating a delicious drink that gives you virility and overall better health. Maybe Juan Carlos can write in about how it tastes (you know I didn't drink it).

Man Bites Dog

Strippers in Pasadena, Ca have been charged with excessive nudity, and the editor of a porno mag has been fired for not choosing graphic enough pictures.

Newsflash: Some whales are really old

Hey Joe (I've decided to stop kidding myself and acknowledge that you're the only one visiting the blog since I came back), whalers killed a 49 foot bowhead whale last month and found the weapons pictured above stuck in it's neck. The crazy thing is that the whale was shot with these weapons maybe 120 years ago. That seems pretty crazy. I know tortoises live can live way over 100yrs, and a while ago some biologists seriously thought that some sharks couldn't die of old age (I can't believe they actually thought that). The article says that they think the whale was 115-130 years old. That's one old fucking whale, man.

Click here and watch Dubya get his watch stolen in Albania (turn down sound because it's in Dutch).

BIGFOOT NEWS

As you surely know I had a god awful time in Beloit. I was depressed, the town was a craphole, and not even the Mexican restaurants could make the place livable. You know what would have brightened up my day? Encountering Bigfoot, but what the fuck would Bigfoot have been doing in Beloit? Apparently Bigfoot was chillin' in the marshes just North of Beloit.

In the spring of 2005 - THE SAME TIME I WAS IN BELOIT - a couple was driving on a road along a marsh in Lima Township and saw a Bigfoot hanging out in a ditch on the side of the road. They thought it might be a deer at first because it was brown, but as they got closer they saw it was obviously humanoid, and when it crossed the road in 2 easy steps they knew it wasn't a deer or a person. Matthew Moneymaker, the president and founder of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization out of Laguna Beach, CA, went on a research trip to Wisconsin the year before and encountered other Bigfoots. He says that Wisconsin might be home to 200 of them.

200 goddamn Bigfoots in Wisconsin, some of which lived near where I was in Beloit...if there really was a god He would have one of them cross my paths. I really could have used a Bigfoot encounter when I was there. I'm pretty sure it would have changed my outlook and put an extra little bounce in my step, as long as it didn't attack me.

In other Bigfoot news, if any dear readers want to do me solid they could loan me $100,000 so I can buy a pristine, virgin copy of the Patterson-Gimlin film made in a film lab in 1968. I don't have the cash right now but I think it will be a good investment and I'll be able to begin a research project I've been developing over the past 15 years. I am able to buy the professional Bigfoot costume but it just wouldn't be the same, so I'll probably settle for casts of the famous Bigfoot "cripple foot" prints.

DATELINE: waiting in my car for an interview, on a tree lined street in a neighborhood less than a mile from my apt.

we had a super fun weekend. Friday night we had dinner with adale's ex-coworker & her husband. we're talking killer appz - shredded chicken buffalo & blue cheese dip. Then we all met up with Liana & Brett for bowling & karaoke. I tore up Life During Wartime and bowled pretty well. I got to go talk to some rich people, will write more later.

Caught In The Act

BLOOPERS: Unfortunate word choices

I talk to a lot of people for my job and usually nothing very exciting happens I get the critical business information I need to acquire and nobody gets hurt. Some people are surprisingly oblivious to whatever organization I represent, and many are fun to talk with, and 75% of the time the interviews are smooth like butter. Racist, homophobic, and sexist comments are like gumdrops from Jesus: sweet, unexpected, and always brighten your day. However, the biggest prize of all is when someone makes an unfortunate choice of words...its a rare and special occasion, like when a room full of typing monkeys writes your job letter for you. I want to let y'all in on two of my favorites.

"I want to know how we can increase penetration with the Boy Scouts."

"The problem [at a certain Jewish non-profit] is that they have a hoarding mentality."

I just nod my head in agreement like always and keep writing in my notebook.

Rock on mis amigos

Don's Guns

EXTRAS: I finally got my laptop back and bought the gadget to take pictures off of my phone, so I have a bunch of pictures y'all have never seen. These are from my drive between Pullman and Spokane, WA. The drive took a few hours but it wasn't bad at all. I listened to a horrible book on cd by Whitley Strieber, a novel about UFO abductions & conspiracies by the government. You would think that based on the subject it would be a classic but somehow the author created a total piece of crap. Strieber made his name in the ufo community with a book called Communion, which purportedly described his own experiences being abducted by aliens in the mid-1980's. I was excited to see the abandoned hotel below...I had fantasies that I found it outside of Ithaca and all of us could get it back up & running, maybe add a bar, and live there while running the place.

it was just the head, I promise you (nsfw)

This sign was the highlight of my trip to pay my speeding & parking tickets in Spokane, WA. They did me the "favor" of lowering the cost of the tickets because I paid them in person. It was the same kind of "favor" as when the cop who pulled me over said he would only write me up for going 10 miles over the speed limit rather than 15. Thanks dickweed.

I only had two interviews today and the last ended at 11am. Adale and I had plans to go see her parents but I told her that I needed to do some work before we left and said i would be done at 3pm. I have to be honest that while I did do all the work I needed to do, I didn't spend all my time this afternoon working. I almost blew my cover when I saw this picture...I think it's the funniest picture I can ever imagine seeing and it really raises the bar for lol-pictures. Kind of like when Babe Ruth hit twice as many homeruns as any had ever hit in one season, and actually had more homeruns himself than any other team combined. I had tears running down my cheeks while covering my mouth, trying to keep quiet. FYI, it's nsfw.

I'm looking for someone special. - 57

Reply to: pers-340736551@craigslist.orgDate: 2007-05-29, 5:57PM EDTI’m looking for a woman. But you knew that, from where this ad is placed. In the tradition of ads searching for men, I’m listing what you must not be or do.

1. Don’t have a dog. I’m not interested in anyone who needs affection so desperately that they choose to get it from something that can’t judge whether or not affection is deserved. I prefer cats, but my real pet is a plastic dinosaur.

2. Don’t chew gum. That you do it tells me that you need some sort of stimulation all the time – don’t expect that from any relationship that isn’t pathological. Besides, it looks low-class. I will not be associated with anyone low-class.

3. Don’t smoke. Smoking is an addiction, just like any other drug. I have no desire to deal with someone who needs to have reality chemically modified. I don’t smoke and I don’t use any drugs.

4. Don’t be fat or dirty. You’re going to gain weight as menopause progresses, and you can’t do much about it. If there are rolls of fat, forget it. I have a little extra weight, but there are no rolls of fat. Also, I shower every day, and I don’t coat myself in perfume.

5. Don’t be uneducated. Education involves more than trendy sex fiction, or books on horror, fantasy, or self-help; I don’t read any of that and I won’t start reading it. I read mostly history, engineering, and sciences. I can discuss a lot more than my reading list suggests, and I will learn about whatever fascinates you.

6. Don’t be “politically aware.” We’re just going to fight, and no woman is worth it. Women tend to be liberals, and I’m not; I don’t pay attention to politics.

7. Don’t tell me you’d like to travel and go to concerts. Tell me where you want to go, and that you’ve done it before. Tell me what kind of music you like. I want to go back to Britain (I have friends there), and I can be convinced I need to hear Fleetwood Mac once again.

8. Don’t tell you like CSI, Lost, American Idol, or whatever TV show is trendy today. I have no desire to follow someone else’s imaginary fantasy life, and I’m certainly not going to pretend it’s important to me. You’re not going to convince me to waste my time with it. I watch movies at home.

9. Don’t expect me to support you. If you have mental problems, see a shrink. Lacking confidence is normal in woman, and I can handle that. If you have huge debts that you want me to pay, forget it. I can support myself, and you should be able to, also.

10. Don’t expect me to repair your children. If they have problems, I refuse to inherit them. My children stand on their own, and they come to me for comment rather than for making their lives perfect.

11. Don’t expect me to become mindlessly enthusiastic about organized sports. I’m not interested in pretending to be a part of any team.

12. Don’t tell me that you love candlelight dinners, museums, antiques, romantic walks on the beach, and honest intimacy.

Submissive man searching for a special woman to pamper - 42

Reply to: mailto:pers-342297671@craigslist.org?subject=Submissive%20man%20searching%20for%20a%20special%20woman%20to%20pamper%20-%2042Date: 2007-05-31, 8:12PM EDT
Submissive man searching for a special woman to pamper - Very sincere, submissive man searching for a secure, open-minded, independent, attractive dominant curious or dominant woman to pamper. Would like to find a woman who would be comfortable with a male servant. A man to attend to a woman's personal needs, houseboy, chauffuer, errand boy, etc. Just asking in return a hope of long term servitude. If interested, please contact me

I, ROBOT.
Reply to: mailto:pers-319176295@craigslist.org?subject=I,%20ROBOT.Date: 2007-04-26, 11:26AM EDTSo, I've spent the last 2 days reposting my post because I've seemed to have offended some Western Pennsylvanians with my brand of truth mixed with humor. You see, apparently, although some enclaves of Pittsburgh are ultra-liberal--or , at least, that's what you're eco-friendly-poser-Priuses and be-rainbowed Subarus crowding Whole Foods would like to have us believe, and the Crazy Mocha, latte-sipping-wanna-be-sociologists cry out freedom of speech, they hate when the jokes on them. So, I'm going to concede, and become a drone. I'm guessing to fully accomplish this, I must like the opposite of the things I outlined in my previous posts that I thought were disgusting or just plain dumb about this city in order to find a date, right? I will list my apologies in form below:

Apology 1: I'm sorry I said Metrosexuals are just confused homos who are afraid to come out of the closet, and I now think they should be respected, even though, it's disturbing to see a guy wear pants so tight that they have a camel toe.

Apology 2: I'm sorry I don't believe in the word "bisexual". I mean, sure, a guy who ever fantasizes about another man, or has ever had a guys cock in his mouth may SEEM completely gay as hell, bisexuals are in a class of their own, and aren't anymore confused as a Metrosexual.

Apology 3: I apologize for saying that most women up here look like that flying dog from the Never Ending story simply because they are bloated looking and pale as a frogs belly. I understand that because of the weather, it's difficult to put down the hoagie, get out of the house, and find a gym.

Apology 4: I apologize for saying most the college students up here are just pretentious, stuck up, alleged artists and engineering sheep. I now understand that when they took that ONE semester of sociology, they have every right to analyse everyone and everything in the free world, and that they have every right to bitch about the president, even though they never actually vote because they'd rather "read" into how the senate is actually responsible for the actually elections. Or, if they are Indian, and managed to individualize, leave behind the 17,000 colleges in their homeland (only two of which are in the world's top 100) and the 400,000 engineers those community colleges 'graduate' (only about a third of which would be considered actual engineers here in the US, and then would would have had an education more akin to ITT Tech, then, say, RPI or CMU), come to Pittsburgh, and become, amazingly enough, engineers, and, thus, reinforce the caste system back at home and ensure the Curry Cat on a Stick trucks maintain adequate patronage. But I digress. Apology 5: And finally, I apologize because I'm from a place where folks have a sense of humor, and would find this shit completely hilarious. I now understand that in order to be funny here, you must have the kind of humor that's found only on "Frasier" or "Girlfriends", where being a snooty prick or a pretentious bitch is the "in" thing. Or, of course, "Hee Haw," but then I don't think people who live in Ambridge or Clairton even realize what craigslist is, lest Roy Clark and friends have been off the air for years, now. So, there ya have it. I have officially conformed, maybe now I can find the girl of my dreams here on CL; a large, pale, snooty, conspiracy-theory-having, moody shrew. I can't wait to meet you. Just call me R2-D2. I now must reboot. If I were still human, I guess that would mean I just threw up in my own mouth a little. Speaking of which, how many of you really are bulimic?

seeing who's out there - 24
Reply to: pers-322695432@craigslist.orgDate: 2007-05-01, 10:49PM EDTthinking about moving back to the area. it'd be nice to meet someone for drinks and see how it goes from there.

Dear Seeing Who's Out There,

I usually don't respond to personal ads but something about yours spoke to me. I can tell that you are a man of taste and distinction by the way your Oakley's drape gracefully across your brow. But, to be honest, I though I was in hunk heaven when I saw your stylish yet state-of-the-art mountain bike, and I had to pinch my self when I saw that you drive a Nissan. I feel that Nissans are the hidden gems of the Orient and I must meet a fellow devotee. Call me.

nice guy with bad streek - 49

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-322009081@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-30, 10:12PM EDT


looking for a nice looking black women to spoil with affection and great lovin

DATELINE: in my car, parked in downtown Pittsburgh

I'm waiting for my next appointment (35 minutes). I wish I smoked because smoky treats would give me a purpose during my wait. My Vegas trip has been delayed until late July/ early August, so I have a new to-do list for the next 5 weeks:
- develop buffet strategic plan with dual goal of maximizing variety and value. This will involve a cost/benefit analysis to answer the age old question of whether the $85 Cesar's Palace Golden Roman Buffet truly is the experience of a life time.
- further develop psychic skills
- contact "underground resistance" to prepare for recon of area 51.
- renew prescription to ensure what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Almost Live -- East Side Story

This is an old Seattle comedy show, Almost Live. I grew up in the Eastside suburbs they're making fun of...my first job was at the Factoria Burger King and I spent many a shopping trip at the Bellevue Square mall.

DATELINE: The Burgh

I'll try to write more later today. I'm hoping that my computer will show up today so I can take my Florida pictures off my phone & into your hearts. I will be in Pittsburgh for the next three weeks, then it's on to Vegas and South Dakota.

DATELINE: Skunk Ape Country, part 1

We had a very full Floridariffic day today. We started off driving down to Everglade City to take a air boat ride through the mangrove swamp with Captain Ed from Captain Doug's Everglades Tours. It was pretty sweet and I think if I ever move to Florida I'm going to make one. My brother's girlfriend said people will rig up their own with La-Z Boy chairs and couches. We saw an alligator that may or may not have been kept in the little confluence of mangrove swamp trails by way of an electronic monitor, two raccoons that definitely were fed everyday by the various "captains", making them docile and a lock to be in the same place every tour. Captain Ed did give us a little thrill by speeding along the more open swamp trails and even spinning around 180 degrees to stop a few times. Adale declined the free Indian sea-shell necklace given to all ladies on the tours.

After lunch at the Seafood Depot (highly recommended by Captain Doug's people) we drove to the highlight of the trip, the Skunk Ape Research Center in Ochopee, FL. Skunk Ape's are, as one put's it, "America's Southern Most Bigfoot". The Center is run out of a gift shop..well, I think it is only a gift shop with t-shirts, magnets, and other Skunk Ape paraphernalia. I'll write more tomorrow if I have time about teh wonders of the Skunk Ape...

vagina power penis power- the jackrabbit VIDEO remix

Vagina Power and Penis Power

Not safe for work, but available on Netflix

Hanzo the Razor-Sword Of Justice

crazy skills

I AM A VERY BAD BLOGGER


Hi everybody - I know that I have been very bad in not letting y'all know what's up with my temporary abandonment of business n'at. After the rough week in Spokane I came home and in trying to wash away the stress of that week I unintentionally avoided the blog. Part of that was due to my laptop being invaded by spyware (I sent back to HQ to have the tech dude re-install windows). No crucial business n'at files or photos were lost - they are all backed up and stored in a secret, ultra-ecure location - but having to use Adale's mac threw me off. I don't know how people have always bragged about macs when there isn't even a right-click function. I'm now on sunny Sanibel Island, Florida visiting my parents and other assorted family members on a much needed vacation. I will post more later today but I'm not sure if I'll be able to post any picture this week. Talk to y'all later.

G

DATELINE: Spokane Int'l Airport

Thank god I'm out of here - it's been a fairly disastrous trip saved only by the opportunity to see the peeps in Portland. And the Capitan Crunch w/Crunchberrys donut. I've got a pack of gum, a box of Altoids, 3 Nutri-Grain strawberry cereal bars, a bad paperback from the airport bookstore, and my burning desire to get back to my baby to carry me though this 13 hour trip home.

I was so busy I didn't even get a chance to continue my crypto-zoological investigations on the social lives of the Sasquatch. This is Bigfoot country.

More Gossip:

May 8, 2007 -- Cheney on DC Madam's list. Yesterday, WMR reported on the DC Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey's list: "WMR has been informed that the CEO of a major corporation is a former CEO but, nonetheless, the aforementioned extremely high-level official of the Bush administration. The individual, who is definitely "newsworthy," reportedly engaged the services of Palfrey's escort firm while he was the CEO and maintained a residence off Chain Bridge Road in the Ballantrae neighborhood in McLean, Virginia, a few blocks from the headquarters of the CIA."

WMR has confirmed with extremely knowledgeable CIA and Pentagon sources that the former CEO who is on Deborah Jeane Palfrey's list is Vice President Dick Cheney. Cheney was CEO of Halliburton during the time of his liaisons with the Pamela Martin & Associates escort firm. Palfrey's phone invoices extend back to 1996 and include calls to and from Cheney. Ironically, in 2000 Cheney was appointed by Bush to head his Vice President selection committee, a task that enabled Cheney to gather detailed personal files on a number of potential candidates, including Bill Frist, George Pataki, John Danforth, Fred Thompson, Chuck Hagel, John Kasich, Chris Cox, Frank Keating, Tom Ridge, Colin Powell, and Jim Gilmore, before he selected himself as the vice presidential candidate.

The White House saw to it that ABC/Disney killed the DC Madam's story before yet another scandal swamped the Bush administration. Cheney is departing Washington today for a trip to the Middle East, where he will visit the United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan, and the USS John C. Stennis in the Gulf.

More fun gossip from waynemadsenreport.com (scroll down to May 8 postings).

May 8, 2007 -- Our White House sources report that the Queen's visit to the White House yesterday was a protocol disaster. Not only had George W. Bush commenced his drinking routine early in the morning, just in time for the first mid-day visit by Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip, but his drunkenness continued well into the evening during the lavish state dinner.

Bush dreaded the Queen's visit and prepared for it by getting drunk. The Queen has never hidden her dislike for Bush who she considers ill-bred, impetuous, and a social boor. The Queen's dislike for Bush goes back to 1991 when he insulted her during another state visit by inquiring which of her children was the "black sheep" of her family. The Queen told him to mind his own business. The Queen was also unhappy that then-First Lady Barbara Bush failed to control her son during that visit to the White House. In November 2003, the Queen was incensed about Bush's Marine One helicopter tearing up her flower garden at Buckingham Palace and traumatizing her flock of flamingoes. Bush's communications staff also damaged expensive fabrics inside the royal residence. Bush never compensated the Queen for the damage and she had to file an insurance claim.

With that background, Bush groused about having to wear a white tie tuxedo for last night's state dinner. It took the direct intervention of Laura Bush and Condoleezza Rice to convince Bush to wear the appropriate attire. During yesterday's welcoming ceremony on the South Lawn of the White House, Bush insinuated that the Queen was over 230 years old when he stated she had helped celebrate America's Bicentennial in 1776. The Queen was heard to have uttered the words, "Oh dear." Bush then winked at the Queen who was not amused by the president's antics. Bush also stated that the Queen gave him a look "that only a mother could give a child." It was not the first time the Queen had looked at Bush with an icy stare. Bush also nearly put his arm on the Queen's shoulder as he escorted her down the stairs from the red carpeted dais.

White House protocol officials remained nervous about Bush during the entire Royal visit. The Queen and Prince Phillip are sure to have much to talk about on their trip back home this evening. While the Queen was keen on visiting Virginia and the Kentucky Derby, her past dealings with the Bush family had her fearing the White House visit. Bush's boorish demeanor was in keeping with his past indiscretions around the Queen.

DATELINE: I'm in Bigfoot Country & Lovin' It!!

DATELINE: On the road from Spokane to Pullman, WA

Wyckyd Sceptre Rulez!!

The killer tortoise

Screw those fancy cupcakes!

Life always seems more real in Florida

I feel like a bad person putting this on the blog

This si really just for Joe, and maybe Juan Carlos, and honestly it's just the last few seconds...

Xtra Donut Lovin'

On the road between Spokane and Coleville, WA

DATELINE: My crappy hotel room

Man, the last few weeks have sucked. Not only have I been working all day & night and averaging 5 hrs of sleep, I hit the Business Traveler Trifecta: parking ticket, speeding ticket, and crack in the rental car windshield. That's not even including the "constructive criticism" about my general un-business like behavior. I picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue.

The one highlight was visiting Portland and a bunch of friends I haven't seen in years. And going to the most awesome donut shop, Voodoo Doughnut, where "the magic is in the hole."

(donut video will be uploaded tomorrow)

I stayed with the Blacker-Ross clan and got to finally meet their little bundle of joy Sammy Lu.

She is a bundle of fun, a super happy toddler (even when faced with the "yucky"). They were very gracious hosts & didn't even mind (or let on if they did mind) that I had to do some work while I was there. Holly made a fantastic breakfast, and tasty cornbread & greens to go with Juan Carlos' grilled pork loin. It felt like we hadn't seen each other for a few days, not four years.


I was also able to visit with Bean and Dickie (aka Jen and Scott). I've always wished we had been able to all live in the same city but I'll take whatever The Fates hand out to me. They're doing great - Jen is working on making recycling in Portland more awesomer (and that's not an easy gig) and y'all should check out the art stuff he's involved in.

The weekend was too short. Portland seems liek it would be a super fun place to live in, and the number one reason is these crazy people (reason 1B involves donuts).

DONUT PREVIEW

hey hey hey - I've been super crazy busy but I think I'll finally have time to post more late tonight. I went to Portland to visit Juan Carlos, Holly, and their little baby Sammy Lu. I was also able to see two other friends, eat a donut covered in Capitan Crunch w/Crunchberries, and stress out about my work in a whole 'nother city.

I had no idea propeller planes were still used in the US. I don't think they'll fill the bathroom with roosters like Aerocontinente did (RIP).

I'm writing on my treo from the Spokane Tap Room at the Spokane airport. I am so glad to be away from the hotel room...I've been getting up at 630 am and working until 1am all week, and the stress & lack of sleep (I usually fell asleep around 2 - 230 am) has made a bit loopy. I've been pretty coherent during the interviews but have felt like Martin Sheen in Apocolypse Now while trapped in my hotel room. I'm heading off to Portland OR to see Juan Carlos, Holly & their little bundle of joy Sammy Lu. I can't believe I haven't seen them since the wedding.

One thing I like about airport bars is the opportunity to choose a 20 oz beer. While I would love to have a third I am not sure it would appropriate to greet them at the airport in Portland all liquored up.

I hope y'all have a good weekend & I'll be posting again Sunday night. chau

This gossip is from E online. The waynemadsenreport.com has been running variations of this story for months so it may just be a rehashing of those reposts, but if old Teddy has new & independent sources...

Strong Brink

This distresses me quite a bit. You know how I adore Prez Dubya so. Yes, you do—as I’ve utterly applauded his actions in Iraq for eons. Just love how he’s got us over there killing people (them and us), occupying a country we have no biz being in. But, alas, this is a goss column, people want to laugh and point fingers, I keep forgetting.

So, let’s aim a few digits at ol’ Georgey-Porgey himself! This too-fun-fer e-words begins with the following quote:

“She's staying at the Hay-Adams. I don't know how many people know...but it's probably not many.”

That’s my Desk DeeCee, hard at busybody work, informing me further of what this column has more than hinted at before: that the U.S. Chief of Grief, George W. Bush, has a wife (by the name of Laura, ‘course) who’s so damn put out by the teetotaling Texan’s return to drinking that she had to get outta the White House. Woo-hoo! That be first-class First Lady dish there, my darlin’ goss lovers!

“She just couldn’t take it anymore,” whispered a former White House staffer who remains superclose to Miz Bush. “She’s had it.”

Like most of the rest of Bush’s constituents haven’t?

Kinda weird, though, as Laura-doll reportedly used to smoke fags, ya know. But whatev, guess she got squeaky clean and expects her hub-unit to do likewise (would it mean he’d get us the hell outta Iraq, already?). You go, barely elected girlfriend!

Oh, for the official record, neither the president’s press office nor the president’s wife’s press office would comment. Which I find damn insulting, as I help pay those persnickety peep’s salaries!

Paparazzi P.S.: Hate to blow Laura’s cover ‘n’ all, but look, you stalkers of all things Hollywood—if you want an exclusive snap of L.B., she’s not exactly using the posh inn's front door, ka-peesh?

When thinking about my Taco Time meal yesterday, a Butthole Surfers song comes to mind, because it really is better to regret something you have done


than regret something you haven't.

Y'all are either in for a treat or will never come back to Business n'at because I just found the LoLCat builder. I don't know why but I can look at those for hours an hours and now I can make my own.

2 pm meeting cancelled stop went to Taco Time and am awaiting 3 crispy beef taco special stop tacos arrived and taste like my mom's taco night stop I regret not getting Mexi-fries stop leaving restaurant for 3pm meeting stop if lucky 85 cent tacos will not cause problems during next meeting stop photos to come later stop

If you were in Pittsburgh today between 10am and 3pm you could have been part of the best cuddle party evah.

Fun with Craigslist v.42: Items Wanted

If you're feeling charitable and would like to lend a helping hand to your fellow Americans, all you need to do is look to the "items wanted" section of Craigslist.

You can let a nice Christian family (albeit one who doesn't know how to turn off the caps lock on the keyboard) park their R.V. in front of your house & live there for the rest of the year.

Just imagine how warm you would feel if you could answer this woman's prayer for a Bedazzler so she can decorate her daughter's dance outfits or restore a grandmother's faith in humanity by replacing her stolen Flobee.

You might be surprised that your attempt to break the North American record by ignoring your dental hygiene for the last decade can help brighten Cherry in Spokane's day.

I know you like Chihuahuas, but do you love them? If so, then you know how wonderful it will be when you invite the Chihuahua Lover's Group to hold their monthly meetings at your house so they can further the "socialization of dog and human."

If you're feeling extra extra nice you'll take pity on this dude who lost his GPS unit. If only he had some way of tracking the geographical location of his...oh...never mind.

Perhaps you are interested in supporting an underprivileged stoner's dream of growing his own weed.

There's probably only one or two people who know what the fuck this guy is talking about when he says he's looking for someone to build him a combination weed eater motor / bicycle, and if you're not one of them you would be doing him a favor if you talked him into getting a few goats instead.

Best.Campaign.Speech.Evah

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

“When he turned and said to Bernie Kerik, ‘Thank God George Bush is President,’” what he should have said was, ‘Why the fuck didn’t George Bush call us and tell us this was going to happen?’ That was a more appropriate response.”

-- Former Senator Bob Kerrey, in an interview with The New York Observer, skewering Rudy Giuliani for one of his well-known 9/11 anecdotes.

DATELINE: Spokane, WA

Because I've been really busy I haven't been able to take much time to eat lunch or dinner. I've ordered a pizza to the room, had crappy Chinese yesterday, even had microwave popcorn one night when I couldn't leave the room. I was able to have a tasty burger & fries at Dicks Hamburgers. There's a local chain of Dicks burger stands in Seattle that I used to go to during high school and I thought this must be part of that chain. It turns out that the Spokane Dicks is a copy-cat that opened up in the 1960's, about 10 years after the Seattle version started.

I think the burgers at this Dicks is actually better than at the Seattle version. They both have little, inexpensive burgers ($0.89 for a cheeseburger) but these are a little thicker and they let you custom order the burgers (I asked for no pickles, 'natch). Both have good fries but the Seattle fries are better (remembering back 18 years to my last order of fries there). The tie breaker will be the chocolate shakes, a favorite of the Seattle Dicks. I wish there were drive-in burger places in Pittsburgh. We don't even have a Sonic (there is one here & I am going to have to get a cherry-limeade and tater totz).

As an aside, I don't think I'm sold on the mascot. There doesn't seem to be a natural connection between pandas and burgers (like there is with clowns and royalty), and from the expression on his face it looks like the burger magically appeared in his paw & he's not too excited about it.

BREAKING NEWS: Astronauts are little babies.

The investigation into what the fuck was going on with the crazy astronaut diaper lady has revealed new, shocking information - astronauts are whiny babies. NASA investigators have interviewed four of her colleagues just how petty rocket-jockeys are:

Fellow astronauts described Lisa Nowak as smart, hardworking and a good mother, but also selfish and unwilling to perform tasks for which she hadn't trained, according to documents released Tuesday by the state attorney's office.

Why do they think she's selfish?

They said she refused to give out her cell phone number to her fellow astronauts on last July's space shuttle mission to the international space station.

Jesus Christ. Thank god she invited them to her birthday party or they totally wouldn't have let her eat her space food with them during astro-lunch period.

DATELINE: Spokane, WA

There's a seedy feel to this town. It wasn't my first impression, but as I drive around a little it's apparent that there are a lot of people down on their luck in Spokane. Walking along busy roads, leaning against buildings downtown, and killing time in front of their rooms at run-down motels are people, mostly white along with some native americans, who probably may be homeless on any given day. Yesterday I stopped at a mini-mart to get a popsicle and during the few minutes I was there 9 or 10 people came in to buy their $2 six packs and $1 packs of cigarettes. It reminds me some of Seattle where there was (and probably still is) a sizable population of hardcore homeless people, people who have been living a tough life for years that's evidenced by their worn and tanned faces.

DATELINE: Spokane, WA

I went there yesterday and am very satisfied with the lube job they performed.
Highly recommended.