DATELINE: Ithaca, NY

One of the most exciting things about our stay in Ithaca was that the house we rented had the oldest toilet in Tompkins County, NY. It was originally in the Clinton House across from the Commons. It's from sometime in the 19th century. And Adale & I blew it up with authority.


DATELINE: Ithaca, NY

DATELINE: Hub's Place, Ithaca, NY

Of course no trip to Ithaca is complete without a visit to Hub's Place. Hub said someone is building 200+ fancy condos behind his place and he's worried that they'll complain about his garden of rusty junk. We found some goodies - glass casters, vintage crystal wall lamp, rusty metal rake, and a series of professional comedian joke books from 1949.

HOW TO TELL YOU ARE IN SOMEONE'S HOUSE IN ITHACA, NY

Let's say you're walking down the street, get hit on the head with a blackjack & the next thing you know you're in the trunk of a car going down the highway. Hours, maybe days later the car stops and you're dragged out of the trunk into a building. The blindfold over your eyes is finally removed and after your eyes adjust to the light & the chloroform fog wears off you realize that you're tied to a chair in someone's apartment. You've got to look for clues to figure out what's happening & where you are...the car ride was a haze & you have no idea how long you were in there so you really could be anywhere in the US.

Well, I've come up with a guide that will help you if you're kidnapped & taken to Ithaca, NY. The photos below provide key visual clues that, if you're observant enough to recognize, will let you know that you've been taken to Ithaca, probably to be enslaved by the hippy cult running the Mate Factor, destined to weave friendship bracelets & handcraft mate mugs in their dungeon for the rest of your days.


When your captors give you your daily sip of water laced with sodium pentathol & rohypnol, be sure to run your lips over the rim of the cup. Is it a beautiful, hand thrown earthenware coffee mug? If not blindfolded, look around - do you see any evidence of hand made pottery?

You must be ever vigilant and take note of every little thing going on, no matter how insignificant it seems at the time. For example, does it seem like your captors schedule out daily "fun family" activities? Do these activities include an inordinate amount of "nature walks" and similar outdoor activities? Is TV time scheduled, and then reserved for educational videos for which the children have no say?


Ferns? check. Tapestry? check. CD case full of Sim Redmond and Dave Matthews? check. Kids art hanging from light and on desk? check. Stained glass? check.

If you are not blindfolded look around to catch a glimpse of the condiments used by your captors. The jars may have a familiar shape but the labels reveal their sinister contents.

Even the smallest piece of Grateful Dead memorabilia is strong evidence that your captors did not stop in Danby and took you straight to Ithaca.

Look at this picture & think about what you're looking at. Imagine you are tied up in this room. What do you hear? The most important piece of evidence here is the TV - it's covered up with an attractive cloth hand woven by Latin American artisans. Hippies use magic textiles to block radiation from their tv sets.


Double-check the gruel your captors serve you. Tofu? TVP? Tahini? Is your cookie sweetened with honey? Even though hippies traffic in White Slavery they are concerned about the effects of factory farming on our diets as well as the environment.

First 5 People I saw in Ithaca Whom I Recognized

1. Joey from gay bowling walking his dog. He lived right around the corner from our apartment.

2. MC Carpet, waiting for the bus off of the commons. Still wearing the same Dr. Seuss hat (I mean the exact same, because it's really grimy).

3. Aaron Spiser, on the commons. It felt good to be back in Ithaca for 1/2 hour and hear someone shouting your name.

4. The crappy waiter dude from Viva. He's got strawberry blonde hair & goatee. Used to have long hair but is still chubby.

5. Bob from Gimme. He was sitting at the Gimme by our old place. I walked by and did a double-take, and he did the same.

DATELINE: Ithaca, NY

I'll write more later, but wanted to let y'all know that we're having a great time so far. We saw Buddy today and he's exactly the same - A>W>E>S>OM>E>! We also bumped into Whoopi Goldberg at the Bookery. Adios!