*** Hey everybody - I'm super excited that a bunch of people are stopping by. A lot are coming form the Television Without Pity Forums, but there are also a number of people I can't tell how they found the site. Is this post linked somewhere else? All of you rock and I hope y'all enjoy a little Business N'at.


EXTRA UPDATE: hey to everybody coming by from the new Fleshbot article, Metal Sludge, or points unknown. For everybody coming from the Fleshbot article, I had the news that Brandi C was also in the adult entertainment industry two weeks ago. So there...I am totally more awesome than everybody.


Tales from the Stripper Files*

Have y'all heard about Brett Michaels' new reality show, Rock of Love? It looks completely predictable - ladies sexin' it up to get into his pants, fights, declarations of love for him and declarations that other gals are only in it for the $$$. Pretty much Flavor of Love only with trashier ladies.

The other day I was watching tv and saw an ad for the show and one lady jumped out at me. Thanks to my innate ability to remember the faces of gals I have seen naked, or as Ms. X calls it, my Stripper File, I think I recognize one of the gals from her internet porn activities. Watch this ad for the show and look at the gal speaking to the camera, almost at the end who says "I'm going to get me some rocker ass":

Now look at these pictures (no nudity, but probably NSFW). If it's her I think she might have a pretty good chance at winning Brett's heart.

UPDATE: Hi to everyone from Television Without Pity!!! I'm totally psyched y'all are checking this out. Also see this post, where I've got pictures up that make it easier to compare the two ladies. Someone from Buffalo posted in the comments saying that the gal's are one in the same because she knew her in Buffalo - very exciting (and I have seen somewhere where "Brandi Viola" is listed as hailing from Buffalo). Anyhooters, have fun and come back because I'll be liove-blogging the show.

What do you think, am I right? Cast your vote below!

Opinion Polls & Market Research

* One day Ms. X & I were in some mall and I said "look at the girl, the one with the baby stroller, she's a bartender at Madam Oars. We saw her when we went there for amateur night." Ms X could not believe that I remembered the face of a stripper in her day clothes but cannot remember little things like where I put my keys, birthdays, etc. She believes that I must have a special "stripper file" in my brain where I put the pictures of naked ladies. She may be right.

Don't worry because I have a post coming that will push Business n'at over to the X rating.

RANDOM CRAP WITH GREGGY


These are pictures from my high school trip to Peru in February of 1987.

No, Anthony Michael Hall did not come with us on the trip - this is The Man at 16 years old.

Taking a boat from Iquitos (on the Amazon) to the "Jungle Amazon Inn" a few hours down river. We had some very authentic experiences, like as we were being guided on a trail being show the flora & fauna, we happened onto a clearing in the jungle. Lo and behold, a couple of Jungle natives appeared, dressed in Jungle native garb, and our guide said we could trade things we had for stuff they had - blow guns, etc. I got a mini blow gun. What a coincidence, huh?


At the train stop between Cuzco and Machu Picchu.


Trail leaving Macchu Picchu and heading up Huayna Picchu.

RANDOM CRAP with GREGGY


Without hesitation my second biggest regret* form my time in Wisconsin was not visiting the funeral home in Madison with the taxidermy squirrels. They were so close but my depression kept me from making the trip. It would have been awesome. I picked up this postcard from a DIY indie craft show in Milwaukee.



* I always go back and forth on ranking my number one regret. It's either not getting much done on my dissertation or, making the "right" decision after a graduation party at the end of the school year (out drinking, bump into two of Adale's coed students who were graduating the next day, get invited to their dorm room to get high...)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDSAY!

RANDOM CRAP with GREGGY

I have no idea where I got this Fat Boys 8x10 glossy or why I kept it.

Jala Toro 2

Jala Toros 2

Jala Toros

RANDOM CRAP with GREGGY


No bulls are killed - they're working bulls, not big-time fighters - just taunted by drunks. Examples are above.

El Cocinero - Aeropajitas

Viva Peru Carajo!

cute but ominous

We're rolling out to West Chester to visit Joey for a long weekend so I won't be able to post again until late tonight. The Man looks forward to mentoring Mr. Joe on proper business attire and manors as we prepare him for his new position. Later haters.

Quiet Man looking for a talker - 27

---

Reply to: pers-359585189@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-25, 12:46AM EDT


well laidies if your looking for a man that's going to listen to what you have to say. Here I am. I'm 5'5",hazel eyes,long Brown hair,160lbs wight guy
Likes:camping,fishing,walking in the rain,games,laughing at stupid jokes,fixing things(if I don't know how I read the insructions),doing things for my woman, shoting pool,drinking sometimes,hanging out friends,going on trips(it dosen't matter where),to tell you the truth I'm up for just about anything.
I moved down here over a year ago. I got sick of living in a small town with nothing to do but go to the bar or get thrown in jail,sometimes both.
I want to be the dumb one in the relationship,I have alot of patients and don't get pissed off easly.I don't expect anything done for me.IF I forget to do something please remind me.I'm not religos so don't push your crap down my throat.I'll respect your beliefs but respect my right not to believe.
I'm looking for a girl around my hight(shorter is fine)25-30 no kids,i don't mind them but I don't want any yet.She should be kind hearted with a good sence of humer.Not afraid of porn or herself.Likes good music not rap or country,and knows when to put down the feedbag.smoker or smoker tolerent.
I do have a handycap I'm missing my left pectoral muscel,which sucks,two front teeth are broken off(good concert),and I'm a sucker for chocolate.
If I'm what your looking for get in thouch.If not go to hell.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do I like this ad?

• dude's resistance to the everyday tyranny of normative spelling and grammar rules.
  
• dude lets slip that he often gets arrested after going out drinking
• "I want to be the dumb one in the relationship" - I like that dude's realistic.
  
• "I don't expect anything done for me." but the very next sentence asks "IF I forget to do something please remind me." - dude's complicated, a delicious enigma to be unraveled by the right lady.
• dude knows what he wants in a lady - "Not afraid of porn or herself", "knows when to put down the feedbag", "with a good sence of humer".
• I like that dude's differently-abled and proud - "I do have a handycap I'm missing my left pectoral muscel,which sucks,two front teeth are broken off(good concert)" You know what dude, that does suck.
  
• "If I'm what your looking for get in thouch.If not go to hell." - dude knows what he wants and is not willing to compromise.
  
• dude's comfortable with who he is and wants to be accepted for his lifestyle choices, evidenced by his decision to use a picture depicting his squalid apartment.
  

PARTY WEEKEND

dUDeZ, we had such a great weekend. I partied down with my new friend Joey Porsche and his crew. Those guyz are totally crazee - they love to party, the good life, hot chicks, and Grey Goose. I took a bunch of pictures and made a slide show from them...



Here are some of my favorite pictures. First, here's the crew

Waiting outside the club
Man, Joey loves his Grey Goose!
This is how we do it!
Finishing the night by Blowin' Kisses to the hAteRz!

GOSSIP TIME

Alfonso from Silver Spoons and Fresh Prince has hit the buffet hard & stays classy

50 Cent fronts, authorizes official "G-Unit" replica

This works out to 4,660 "dates at $25 a pop, so it looks like JT Leroy will be available for personal appearances in the near future.

Carrie has alerted me to what may be one of the greatest rock weekends in the history of Oklahoma - Rocklahoma!! Just click on the link and look at the list of bands at the bottom of the page. It's totally fucking crazy - Twisted Sister, LA Guns, Ratt, and the list goes on & on. Drive, don't walk, to Pryor, OK.

Joe also gave me the heads up on Cameron Diaz's faux pas in Peru the other day. I feel bad for her because Chinese characters are so attractive & it's easy to forget that they don't just look hot but also have meanings. This is not to mention the crazy things I saw in English on t-shirts & other products for sale in Peru. For example, I have a big car sticker (2ft X 1ft) that says "Hussein, prince of the desert". It's quite the conversation starter on our CRV.

The week was rather boring. I've had work to do but it's been tough making any progress because the deadline is not set. We went to a Pride event last Saturday - they closed off a street downtown for music & drinking. We didn't go in because it was $15 (we had already paid $10 to get into an art event that totally sucked. Some lazy hipsters have a monthly thing & this time it consisted of a big space with not much art in it, no a/c, and lots of people trying to make the scene. Sweet!!!) and you could walk right next to the festivities w/o wasting the $$. Tiffany was there, singing to pre-recorded tracks somebody found in Cher's garbage. And some British pilot saw a mile wide UFO, the presidential debates are getting a little more interesting, and we picked some new furniture today.

And take my word for it, never let the breakfast buffet get you down like this:

DATELINE: Pittsburgh, PA

The Man has several important business engagements today. First, He will be attending the monthly luncheon for the Association of Fund Raising Professionals, SW Pennsylvania Chapter. As many of you know, there is nothing The Man loves more than an opportunity to schmooze combined with a meal. Afterwards The Man will be attending a high-level training session at the Pittsburgh HQ.

In the meantime, you can check out what's #1 and #1A (my very own flash-intro awesomeness for Business n'at, not Mr. Romance himself) on my Xmas wish list. If you haven't seen this article on Chinese Gold Farmers you should read it if you've got 10 minutes - they're dudes who spend all day working in video game sweat-shops, racking up bonus gold coins that are then sold to lazy gamers who want to buy the fancy magic sword but don't want to put in the time.

I would also like to know why, even though I've visited Nashville several times in the last 12 months, Allison has never taken me to see Scrapmetal. How could you go wrong with dudes from Knight Ranger, Nelson (both of them!!), Mr. Big, and Slaughter - just to name a few? Why were you holding out on me? Is The Man not cool enough??

RANDOM CRAP with GREGGY

I kept this score sheet from what I thought was my best game of bowling ever. This particular game took place at the Laural Bowl in Binghamton, circa 1998-1999. With a turkey in frames #3-6 and closing out the game with 4 consecutive spares, I racked up a 179. Please note that I crushed all opponents, beating the second highest scorer by 74 pins and more than doubled the scores of the rest of those chumps. I think I've bowled a 188 since, and honestly thought it was this game, so I can't say for sure that this is my best game. And almost 10 years later I am still kicking ass and taking names daily on the lanes.

TODAY'S READING LIST

For all of you haters, here's a list of failed episodes of Punked like:

* In December 2003, Kutcher attempted to "punk" WWE wrestler Bill Goldberg by having him think a truck had run over his prized motorcycle, when really it was a replica, but the stunt went wrong when the truck clearly missed the bike. Goldberg quickly realized what was going on, and asked "Who do I have to kill?". Kutcher then revealed himself, as the joke had failed.

This slide show of hardcore gamers & their online avatars, but this dude is definitely the highlight:


Y'all should definitely read this list of confessions of a Circuit City employee to find out how they try to screw you every which way but loose.

Finally, for all of you thinking about writing an article about Africa, here are some tips from an actual African!

RANDOM STUFF with GREGGY

The absolute worst job I've ever had was renting cars at the Austin airport for Alamo. I've had a lot of shitty jobs, but for years after I quit Alamo I couldn't even think about the job without getting angry and really stressed out. I will never wear a blue oxford shirt because that's what I had to wear at Alamo (and because it looks trashy). One of the only good things that happened there was renting a car to Bob Mould from Husker Du and Sugar. He was shy but pretty cool, even lthough he didn't invite me to hang out with him while he was recording an album in town or to be bff.

RANDOM CRAP with GREGGY

This picture was taken at a family reunion on my mom's side of the family, The Moon's, at a beach house in South Carolina, maybe at Edisto Beach. This photo provides clear evidence of one of the many sacrifices our nation made in the face of economic stagnation in the 1970's - drastic rationing in the amount of material allotted for shorts.

RANDOM CRAP with GREGGY

I found this picture several years ago at some junk store (the back says it was taken the week of Sept. 13, 1954). When I found it Adale said that she didn't want it in our house because she found it disturbing, and she's been trying to get me to throw it away ever since. It is easy to imagine that this was the last thing several unfortunate people saw before being dismembered.

RANDOM CRAP with GREGGY

I would like to introduce what I hope will be a regular feature on Business n'at called Random Crap. It may come as a shock to many of you, but yours truly has a bit of a collection of bits of paper. Receipts, flyers, stickers, newspaper articles - all sorts of little things that for me act as mnemonic devices for my past, and for Adale aid in ruining her life because I have innumerable boxes and tubs of these papers. I finally got around to setting up my scanner and every once in a while I'm going to post some of the crap I've been lugging around with me for years. Maybe I'll realize that I can get rid of some of it because I'll have digital copies, or maybe I'll start keeping every bit of paper that I ever touch for the rest of my life.

For example, I tore this ad out of a Dallas paper, meaning I've been lugging it around with me since at least 1995. I probably grabbed it because Don "The Lawman" Slatton endorsed their services - while living in Dallas I loved to go see professional wrestling at the Sportatorium & The Lawman was a somewhat popular "face" at the matches.



I grabbed the ad below while in Merida, Mexico in 2000. I got airline credit for agreeing to be bumped from a flight back home from Peru, and Adale & I later used it for a vacation in Mexico. We spent most of our time on Isla de Mujeres but also stayed in Merida, on the mainland, because we wanted to see the Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza. Unfortunately we weren't there for the lucha matches.

Check this out - Carrie from Austin has more pictures from our visit.

There were two main reasons why the blog mysteriously shut down for a few weeks: my business faux pas in Spokane, and that I let pictures & posts stack up. One of the cardinal rules is to just write about stuff that day, and if you don't get to something skip it because those things will pile up and haunt your dreams. As a wise man once said in a touching ballad, you can't put time in a bottle. Or maybe it was don't stop believing, or touch me in the morning, or smack my bitch up. I don't really remember.

That said, I really wanted to put out some more pictures from my Austin trip. We had a ton of fun with Carrie and I think we all could get into a lot of trouble if I could figure out a way to move there. Even though we only met them for a few hours, her friends seemed cool and I'm not saying that just because we all got naked in the hot tub together.

I took Adale around the neighborhood I used to live in and for a little treat we decided to stop at Fran's Hamburgers to get a coke & some fries (it used to be Dan's but Fran got a couple of the drive-ins in the divorce). Maybe 2 blocks away from South Congress, a super busy street, we walked by a house with a big pig in their fenced in yard.


We thought "goddamn that's weird...I can't believe they're allowed to have a pig in their front yard" and then just a block away we saw a house with a big-ass billy goat on their trashy porch.

Carrie took us to a fun little bar that's decorated in old Christmas decorations year round. It was pretty awesome. She said that it was her neighborhood bar when she lived in North Austin and I was totally jealous.


The Poodle Dog is another bar right by the Xmas bar. Carrie said that it was pretty rough, which does seem weird since it's call the Poodle Dog.

We all took a long drive in the Hill Country that culminated in a trip to Luckenbach, TX.

The trip ended the only way it could, with tasty breakfast tacos.

I NEED YOU! Watching & Panties! - m4w - 35

---

Reply to: pers-344675914@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-04, 1:56PM EDT


Hi there! I am interesed in finding a female that would like to watch me and take pictures of me. Yes, nude and give me some suggestions what she would like to see me do. Also, I have a HUGE panty fetish. Love to smell your worn panties. Please send me an email or call me. 412-478-0607


______________________________________________________________________

I love that this guy uses a picture from a wedding. Do you think the shit-eating grin is because he's wearing a lacy black thong?

Professional Teenage Semi-Celebrity Friend

---

Reply to: serv-349371819@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-10, 11:50PM EDT


I will attend any event with you and offer exquisite conversation and a fantastic presence for $200 an hour.

About Me: I am in my late teens, male, of blue-blood lineage, owned multiple companies since the age of 13, trend-setter, a well known figure both internationally and locally - having appeared in various periodicals, radio shows, and television programs - my most recent project in the media realm that I am working on is a program set to appear on 'The N' (a nickelodeon subsidy) about prep-school students.

• Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Pac-Man Skull


Diameter : 35 cm, plaster.
Study in plaster of a complete skeleton of Pac-man, created by extrapolation from a comparative observation of a human skull and different predatory animal skulls.
Private collection

After reading the email below from an outgoing Comedy Central executive I realize that I need to update the official Business n'at "balls" policy to reflect changing community values.

"I’ve thought long and hard about how to end this e-mail. Like all of you, I’m constantly asked “What is it like working at Comedy Central???” I usually reply by forwarding an e-mail that I received in 1999, which is attached below. It came from [Entertainment Cable Network], and was in response to concerns they had with a South Park promo spot I sent them to run on their air. I think it sums up the surreal nature of our world quite succinctly."

-----Original Message-----

From: XXXX
Sent: Tuesday, February 09, 1999 1:42 PM
To: 'XXX'; 'XXX'; 'XXX'
Cc: XXX; XXX
Subject: Comedy Central's South Park Spot for w/o 2/8

XXX, XXX and XXX,

Sorry, but our Standards & Practices team has rejected the South Park spot you provided for this week that asks the question, "Where did Chef suggest you put his balls?" Similar to the "fart policy" I uncovered last year when trying to clear a South Park spot, it would appear we also have a "balls policy," whereby double entendres are not allowed.

So for your rotation this week, since we can't continue to run last week's approved "Chef's Greatest Hits" spot as it refers to last week's "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig" episode, we'll rotate the three approved Daily Show spots ("Ridiculous Places," "Saigon - Courageous" and "Digs Deep") one-third/one-third/one-third.

Please call or email back if you have any questions/comments.

XXX

read the rest here

It was always fun going to the central market in Ayacucho - you could buy anything you needed, including household goods, food, even magical items from the witches section. Perhaps my fondest memory is the Extracto de Rana. Translating to Frog Extract, you begin by choosing the froggy of your choice. The little fella then gets liquefied in a blender along with honey and a few spices, creating a delicious drink that gives you virility and overall better health. Maybe Juan Carlos can write in about how it tastes (you know I didn't drink it).

Man Bites Dog

Strippers in Pasadena, Ca have been charged with excessive nudity, and the editor of a porno mag has been fired for not choosing graphic enough pictures.

Newsflash: Some whales are really old

Hey Joe (I've decided to stop kidding myself and acknowledge that you're the only one visiting the blog since I came back), whalers killed a 49 foot bowhead whale last month and found the weapons pictured above stuck in it's neck. The crazy thing is that the whale was shot with these weapons maybe 120 years ago. That seems pretty crazy. I know tortoises live can live way over 100yrs, and a while ago some biologists seriously thought that some sharks couldn't die of old age (I can't believe they actually thought that). The article says that they think the whale was 115-130 years old. That's one old fucking whale, man.

Click here and watch Dubya get his watch stolen in Albania (turn down sound because it's in Dutch).

BIGFOOT NEWS

As you surely know I had a god awful time in Beloit. I was depressed, the town was a craphole, and not even the Mexican restaurants could make the place livable. You know what would have brightened up my day? Encountering Bigfoot, but what the fuck would Bigfoot have been doing in Beloit? Apparently Bigfoot was chillin' in the marshes just North of Beloit.

In the spring of 2005 - THE SAME TIME I WAS IN BELOIT - a couple was driving on a road along a marsh in Lima Township and saw a Bigfoot hanging out in a ditch on the side of the road. They thought it might be a deer at first because it was brown, but as they got closer they saw it was obviously humanoid, and when it crossed the road in 2 easy steps they knew it wasn't a deer or a person. Matthew Moneymaker, the president and founder of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization out of Laguna Beach, CA, went on a research trip to Wisconsin the year before and encountered other Bigfoots. He says that Wisconsin might be home to 200 of them.

200 goddamn Bigfoots in Wisconsin, some of which lived near where I was in Beloit...if there really was a god He would have one of them cross my paths. I really could have used a Bigfoot encounter when I was there. I'm pretty sure it would have changed my outlook and put an extra little bounce in my step, as long as it didn't attack me.

In other Bigfoot news, if any dear readers want to do me solid they could loan me $100,000 so I can buy a pristine, virgin copy of the Patterson-Gimlin film made in a film lab in 1968. I don't have the cash right now but I think it will be a good investment and I'll be able to begin a research project I've been developing over the past 15 years. I am able to buy the professional Bigfoot costume but it just wouldn't be the same, so I'll probably settle for casts of the famous Bigfoot "cripple foot" prints.

DATELINE: waiting in my car for an interview, on a tree lined street in a neighborhood less than a mile from my apt.

we had a super fun weekend. Friday night we had dinner with adale's ex-coworker & her husband. we're talking killer appz - shredded chicken buffalo & blue cheese dip. Then we all met up with Liana & Brett for bowling & karaoke. I tore up Life During Wartime and bowled pretty well. I got to go talk to some rich people, will write more later.

Caught In The Act

BLOOPERS: Unfortunate word choices

I talk to a lot of people for my job and usually nothing very exciting happens I get the critical business information I need to acquire and nobody gets hurt. Some people are surprisingly oblivious to whatever organization I represent, and many are fun to talk with, and 75% of the time the interviews are smooth like butter. Racist, homophobic, and sexist comments are like gumdrops from Jesus: sweet, unexpected, and always brighten your day. However, the biggest prize of all is when someone makes an unfortunate choice of words...its a rare and special occasion, like when a room full of typing monkeys writes your job letter for you. I want to let y'all in on two of my favorites.

"I want to know how we can increase penetration with the Boy Scouts."

"The problem [at a certain Jewish non-profit] is that they have a hoarding mentality."

I just nod my head in agreement like always and keep writing in my notebook.

Rock on mis amigos

Don's Guns

EXTRAS: I finally got my laptop back and bought the gadget to take pictures off of my phone, so I have a bunch of pictures y'all have never seen. These are from my drive between Pullman and Spokane, WA. The drive took a few hours but it wasn't bad at all. I listened to a horrible book on cd by Whitley Strieber, a novel about UFO abductions & conspiracies by the government. You would think that based on the subject it would be a classic but somehow the author created a total piece of crap. Strieber made his name in the ufo community with a book called Communion, which purportedly described his own experiences being abducted by aliens in the mid-1980's. I was excited to see the abandoned hotel below...I had fantasies that I found it outside of Ithaca and all of us could get it back up & running, maybe add a bar, and live there while running the place.

it was just the head, I promise you (nsfw)

This sign was the highlight of my trip to pay my speeding & parking tickets in Spokane, WA. They did me the "favor" of lowering the cost of the tickets because I paid them in person. It was the same kind of "favor" as when the cop who pulled me over said he would only write me up for going 10 miles over the speed limit rather than 15. Thanks dickweed.

I only had two interviews today and the last ended at 11am. Adale and I had plans to go see her parents but I told her that I needed to do some work before we left and said i would be done at 3pm. I have to be honest that while I did do all the work I needed to do, I didn't spend all my time this afternoon working. I almost blew my cover when I saw this picture...I think it's the funniest picture I can ever imagine seeing and it really raises the bar for lol-pictures. Kind of like when Babe Ruth hit twice as many homeruns as any had ever hit in one season, and actually had more homeruns himself than any other team combined. I had tears running down my cheeks while covering my mouth, trying to keep quiet. FYI, it's nsfw.

I'm looking for someone special. - 57

Reply to: pers-340736551@craigslist.orgDate: 2007-05-29, 5:57PM EDTI’m looking for a woman. But you knew that, from where this ad is placed. In the tradition of ads searching for men, I’m listing what you must not be or do.

1. Don’t have a dog. I’m not interested in anyone who needs affection so desperately that they choose to get it from something that can’t judge whether or not affection is deserved. I prefer cats, but my real pet is a plastic dinosaur.

2. Don’t chew gum. That you do it tells me that you need some sort of stimulation all the time – don’t expect that from any relationship that isn’t pathological. Besides, it looks low-class. I will not be associated with anyone low-class.

3. Don’t smoke. Smoking is an addiction, just like any other drug. I have no desire to deal with someone who needs to have reality chemically modified. I don’t smoke and I don’t use any drugs.

4. Don’t be fat or dirty. You’re going to gain weight as menopause progresses, and you can’t do much about it. If there are rolls of fat, forget it. I have a little extra weight, but there are no rolls of fat. Also, I shower every day, and I don’t coat myself in perfume.

5. Don’t be uneducated. Education involves more than trendy sex fiction, or books on horror, fantasy, or self-help; I don’t read any of that and I won’t start reading it. I read mostly history, engineering, and sciences. I can discuss a lot more than my reading list suggests, and I will learn about whatever fascinates you.

6. Don’t be “politically aware.” We’re just going to fight, and no woman is worth it. Women tend to be liberals, and I’m not; I don’t pay attention to politics.

7. Don’t tell me you’d like to travel and go to concerts. Tell me where you want to go, and that you’ve done it before. Tell me what kind of music you like. I want to go back to Britain (I have friends there), and I can be convinced I need to hear Fleetwood Mac once again.

8. Don’t tell you like CSI, Lost, American Idol, or whatever TV show is trendy today. I have no desire to follow someone else’s imaginary fantasy life, and I’m certainly not going to pretend it’s important to me. You’re not going to convince me to waste my time with it. I watch movies at home.

9. Don’t expect me to support you. If you have mental problems, see a shrink. Lacking confidence is normal in woman, and I can handle that. If you have huge debts that you want me to pay, forget it. I can support myself, and you should be able to, also.

10. Don’t expect me to repair your children. If they have problems, I refuse to inherit them. My children stand on their own, and they come to me for comment rather than for making their lives perfect.

11. Don’t expect me to become mindlessly enthusiastic about organized sports. I’m not interested in pretending to be a part of any team.

12. Don’t tell me that you love candlelight dinners, museums, antiques, romantic walks on the beach, and honest intimacy.

Submissive man searching for a special woman to pamper - 42

Reply to: mailto:pers-342297671@craigslist.org?subject=Submissive%20man%20searching%20for%20a%20special%20woman%20to%20pamper%20-%2042Date: 2007-05-31, 8:12PM EDT
Submissive man searching for a special woman to pamper - Very sincere, submissive man searching for a secure, open-minded, independent, attractive dominant curious or dominant woman to pamper. Would like to find a woman who would be comfortable with a male servant. A man to attend to a woman's personal needs, houseboy, chauffuer, errand boy, etc. Just asking in return a hope of long term servitude. If interested, please contact me

I, ROBOT.
Reply to: mailto:pers-319176295@craigslist.org?subject=I,%20ROBOT.Date: 2007-04-26, 11:26AM EDTSo, I've spent the last 2 days reposting my post because I've seemed to have offended some Western Pennsylvanians with my brand of truth mixed with humor. You see, apparently, although some enclaves of Pittsburgh are ultra-liberal--or , at least, that's what you're eco-friendly-poser-Priuses and be-rainbowed Subarus crowding Whole Foods would like to have us believe, and the Crazy Mocha, latte-sipping-wanna-be-sociologists cry out freedom of speech, they hate when the jokes on them. So, I'm going to concede, and become a drone. I'm guessing to fully accomplish this, I must like the opposite of the things I outlined in my previous posts that I thought were disgusting or just plain dumb about this city in order to find a date, right? I will list my apologies in form below:

Apology 1: I'm sorry I said Metrosexuals are just confused homos who are afraid to come out of the closet, and I now think they should be respected, even though, it's disturbing to see a guy wear pants so tight that they have a camel toe.

Apology 2: I'm sorry I don't believe in the word "bisexual". I mean, sure, a guy who ever fantasizes about another man, or has ever had a guys cock in his mouth may SEEM completely gay as hell, bisexuals are in a class of their own, and aren't anymore confused as a Metrosexual.

Apology 3: I apologize for saying that most women up here look like that flying dog from the Never Ending story simply because they are bloated looking and pale as a frogs belly. I understand that because of the weather, it's difficult to put down the hoagie, get out of the house, and find a gym.

Apology 4: I apologize for saying most the college students up here are just pretentious, stuck up, alleged artists and engineering sheep. I now understand that when they took that ONE semester of sociology, they have every right to analyse everyone and everything in the free world, and that they have every right to bitch about the president, even though they never actually vote because they'd rather "read" into how the senate is actually responsible for the actually elections. Or, if they are Indian, and managed to individualize, leave behind the 17,000 colleges in their homeland (only two of which are in the world's top 100) and the 400,000 engineers those community colleges 'graduate' (only about a third of which would be considered actual engineers here in the US, and then would would have had an education more akin to ITT Tech, then, say, RPI or CMU), come to Pittsburgh, and become, amazingly enough, engineers, and, thus, reinforce the caste system back at home and ensure the Curry Cat on a Stick trucks maintain adequate patronage. But I digress. Apology 5: And finally, I apologize because I'm from a place where folks have a sense of humor, and would find this shit completely hilarious. I now understand that in order to be funny here, you must have the kind of humor that's found only on "Frasier" or "Girlfriends", where being a snooty prick or a pretentious bitch is the "in" thing. Or, of course, "Hee Haw," but then I don't think people who live in Ambridge or Clairton even realize what craigslist is, lest Roy Clark and friends have been off the air for years, now. So, there ya have it. I have officially conformed, maybe now I can find the girl of my dreams here on CL; a large, pale, snooty, conspiracy-theory-having, moody shrew. I can't wait to meet you. Just call me R2-D2. I now must reboot. If I were still human, I guess that would mean I just threw up in my own mouth a little. Speaking of which, how many of you really are bulimic?