HOWTO: make a bean bomb in 24 easy steps

Joe recently asked me for my secret recipe for my signature "bean bombs". I am more than happy to divulge the secret and share the joy they have brought me over the years. Bean bombs have been in my life for over 20 years and, according to my daily meal diary & database, I have had over 1,000 bean bomb meals during that time. They've done me right and I think they would be a wonderful and nutritious addition to anyone's meal rotation.

I was first introduced to quesadillas, the precursor ro bean bombs, by "Grandma Grace", a really nice woman who stayed with my brother & I while my parents went on vacation for 2 weeks one summer. Though not a relative, she encouraged us to call her Grandma Grace. Grace was probably between 50-60 years old, no taller than 5 feet and surely weighed north of 250 lbs. Grace had some funny stories about the years she spent cooking for 75 ranch hands somewhere out west. my brother came home from school one day and heard her calling "help"...he looked around for her & finally realized her voice was coming from downstairs. He found her wedged between the counter & washing machine in the laundry room (I imagine Grace was almost as wide as she was tall). Those were good times, but she really made a lasting impact on my life when she made us quesadillas. Cheese only and deep fried in an inch of oil, they were so damn good. Seattle had a few crappy chain Mexican restaurants and I had maybe only eaten Mexican once or twice and her quesadillas blew my mind.

While living in LA after dropping out of college I was more familiar with Mexican food and began making bean bombs (version 1.0). Back then I probably used as much cheese as beans, and put chopped green onions and taco sauce inside. Bean bomb version 2.0 came about, I think, when I was in Austin. My then-future-ex-wife convinced me to use less cheese and more beans - this was a big change in the taste and I have stuck with the higher bean-to-cheese ratio ever since, mostly from wanting to eat less cheese as I grew older and my belly expanded. It was Adale who christened the quesadillas "bean bombs" because of the amount of refried beans I used. Adale has also added a number of interesting variations, including her favorite of black beans/cheese/pineapple/taco sauce.

Enough with the geneology of bean bombs and onto the recipe...

1st step - arrange your ingredients. These are the basic ingredients I use: pre-grated cheese, cilantro, onion, Mission flour tortillas, and Old El Paso vegetarian refried beans. I have found that pre-grated cheese, in addition to being easier, lasts longer in the fridge. Any onion will do - this is one place where you can really go crazy and customize your meal. When buying tortillas fold them around in the package and make sure they seperate, because sometimes you get screwed and they will all stick together. If that happens you'll be lucky to get 1 usable tortilla for every 2 in the package. The brand of refried beans is your choice - I began using the vegetarian ones because my then-future-ex-wife was a vegetarian but I have grown to prefer them because their viscosity lends them to easy bean bomb construction. Check prices too because they can vary greatly - around $1.25 is about as cheap as they'll go here in Pittsburgh.


2nd step, open the can of beans. I use electric but it's your call.

3rd step - chop you onions. With round onions I often leave them in long slices, but Adale prefers them diced. With time you will develop your own style...don't rush it, just let it come to you.
4th step - put a forkful of beans on a tortilla. I suggest putting no more than 1/4 a can of beans on any one tortilla. Using more makes the bean bombs unwieldy and prone to oozing otu the sides during frying.

5th step - spread the beans evenly on 1/2 of the tortilla. Add extra beans if necessary. Even distribution of the beans is key, and as you will discover, an important property of the application of numerous ingredients in this dish.

6th step - add onions. I like lots of onions, but be mindful of how much onion you have available because you do not want to run out of onions before making all of your bean bombs.

7th step - add cilantro. I know cilantro is an herb that some people are not used to, but please take my advice and try it out. I have eaten over 1,000 of these things and that experience should count for something.

8th step - add cheese. Among the most controversial decisions I have to make is whether to recommend using pre-grated cheese or not. It is easier to use, you don't have to deal with cleaning the cheese grater, and it does appear to keep longer in the fridge. However, shredding pepper-jack cheese yourself will add a degree of flavor and class you just don't get with pre-grated cheese. Choose wisely.

9th step - carefully fold your tortilla. It is after you fold and handle your bean bomb that you will get a better idea of the amounts of fillings that should be added to the tortilla. During the frying process and consumption are the other point when you will gain insight into proper bean bomb construction.

10th step - place your first bean bomb to the side and repeat steps 2-9 until you are out of beans. Once you get the production down you will be surprised at how easily he rest of the bean bombs go. This is an important step because you can quickly create a surplus of bean bombs and because you control both the forces and relations of production there is no exploitation in the production of this surplus. The surplus bean bombs can be stored and fried up quickly at a later date. It is important to note that you either use all of your beans to make surplus bean bombs or throw away the remaining beans. If you try to store them in the fridge (a partial can of beans) they will begin to smell fairly quickly. I have no idea why bean bombs do not degrade at the same rate as beans on their own but they do.

11th step - I recommend using the tortilla package to store your surplus bean bombs. Most packages have zip-lock seals for ease of use. The packages are also nice to use because when you see it in the fridge you'll remember there are tasty bean bombs inside & won't forget them as easily as if they were in an opaque container.

12th step - store surplus bean bombs in the fridge. They'll stay edible for close to a week.

13th step - turn burner on medium to med-high, pace frying pan on burner, and add oil to frying pan. I suggest some kind of vegetable oil, but you can use spray oil or even dry fry them (Adale likes the dry-fry method. It seems like a bad idea to me, but whatever).

14th step - go to sink and rinse out can of refried beans. Remember that the unused beans will begin to smell if you do not dispose of them. Hang on to the can - you'll understand why in step 18.

15th step - the floor of my kitchen is uneven so I need to pick up the frying pan and swirl the oil around to get an even coating. An even coating of oil is very very important.

16th step - place raw bean bomb on the heated and oiled frying pan. The goal is to coat one side of the bean bomb with oil (remember how earlier I said that an even coat of oil is very very important?). I recommend that you use your hand even though the hot frying pan and oil are dangerous because the tactile experience of handling the bean bomb brings you closer to the the food you are eating, closer to the lived experience of our ancestors who did not have the luxury of spatulas or George Foreman Grills.

17th step - flip the bean bomb over with the coated side up. What this and the previous step accomplish is insuring an even coating of oil so that the bean bomb will fry evenly. Without an even coat parts may burn and even if it doesn't you will have a smaller percentage of the surface area of the bean bomb fried in oil and that is a very tasty part of the bean bomb experience.

18th step - recycle the empty and clean can of refried beans. You can also use the can as an ashtray, a cup for rolling dice, one half of an tin-can telephone, or any number of other activities.

Condiment suggestion #1 - salsa. A long time favorite and one that every beginner should have in their repertoire. I like the cooked salsas more than pico de gallo, but this is a very personal choice. Think of salsa as an homage to our friends south of the border who invented the precursor to the quesadilla & bean bomb. Though you don't need salsa and can get away with condiment suggestions #2 and #3 below, there's almost nothing more disappointing than plating up you bean bomb and realizing that you're out of salsa.

Condiment suggestion #2 - Frank's Red Hot. I have Adale to thank for introducing me to Frank's Red Hot. I now use it on any number of dishes and have to admit that it can add a little kick to any bean bomb. A good trick is to put it on the inside of the bean bomb, and when you eat it the Red Hot functions much as flavor crystals do in gum, providing a burst of taste just where you need it teh most.

Condiment suggestion #3 -Ortega Taco Sauce (original). This is a bit controversial in my opinion but Adale swears by it. This taco sauce is far too sweet for me but it's an old favorite of her's going back 10 years to her time in Tulsa. I suggest using it as you do Red Hot, if you need to use it at all.

Condiment suggestion #4 - sour cream. If you've got it then definitely slather it on. It's an old friend who says "Hey Bud, Let's Party!" to any salsa, taco sauce, or other tomato based condiment you care to add to a bean bomb.

19th step - flip you bean bomb. I sometimes let it fry long enough to burn a bit. This is an accident but I don't really care because I like the something special the burned tortilla adds to the dish. There's always a battle between the to turn the heat up high &get the frying out of the way so you can eat but I caution patience in frying. The slower the bean bomb cooks the more the cheese will melt, the softer the onions will be, and the greater enjoyment you will receive from the finished bean bomb. Read Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled" if you don't understand the benefits of delayed gratification.

20th step - plate bean bomb. You're in the home stretch!!! When you can see the cheese melting and both sides of the tortilla are golden brown, it's time to plate that mofo. I imagine that just as every snowflake is unique every person may have a different conception of what a "finished" bean bomb is, so feel free to observe the frying process closely and identify alternative benchmarks as long as you recognize that I have cooked and eaten over 1,000 of these and taht experience should be respected.

21st step - always apply sour cream first. This way you can spread it evenly on the surface of the bean bomb without affecting the desired distribution of your other chosen condiments. Why sour cream first? It the viscosity, plain and simple.

22nd step - apply salsa or other desired tomato based condiments. As you can see I apply my salsa one forkful at a time in order to maximize control over its distribution. Fork and smooth, fork and smooth. Once they invent squeeze bottles of salsa this may dramatically affect this critical step, perhaps even eliminating the necessity of "smoothing" actions at all.

23rd step - get your drink on. Soft drinks are very good beverage companions to the bean bomb, be they regular or diet (I went with Diet Squirt today). Even on the odd chance that you set up your drink earlier you will still need to address the beverage situation at this point because there is a 78% chance you will have drank more than 1/2 of your beverage during the previous 22 steps. Do it now because you do not want to have to get up and refill while eating - bean bombs are best served hot hot hot!


24th step - Enjoy!! Law and Order episodes are optional.