Diameter : 35 cm, plaster.
Study in plaster of a complete skeleton of Pac-man, created by extrapolation from a comparative observation of a human skull and different predatory animal skulls.
Private collection
Thursday, June 14, 2007
After reading the email below from an outgoing Comedy Central executive I realize that I need to update the official Business n'at "balls" policy to reflect changing community values.
"I’ve thought long and hard about how to end this e-mail. Like all of you, I’m constantly asked “What is it like working at Comedy Central???” I usually reply by forwarding an e-mail that I received in 1999, which is attached below. It came from [Entertainment Cable Network], and was in response to concerns they had with a South Park promo spot I sent them to run on their air. I think it sums up the surreal nature of our world quite succinctly."
-----Original Message-----
From: XXXX
Sent: Tuesday, February 09, 1999 1:42 PM
To: 'XXX'; 'XXX'; 'XXX'
Cc: XXX; XXX
Subject: Comedy Central's South Park Spot for w/o 2/8
XXX, XXX and XXX,
Sorry, but our Standards & Practices team has rejected the South Park spot you provided for this week that asks the question, "Where did Chef suggest you put his balls?" Similar to the "fart policy" I uncovered last year when trying to clear a South Park spot, it would appear we also have a "balls policy," whereby double entendres are not allowed.
So for your rotation this week, since we can't continue to run last week's approved "Chef's Greatest Hits" spot as it refers to last week's "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig" episode, we'll rotate the three approved Daily Show spots ("Ridiculous Places," "Saigon - Courageous" and "Digs Deep") one-third/one-third/one-third.
Please call or email back if you have any questions/comments.
XXX
It was always fun going to the central market in Ayacucho - you could buy anything you needed, including household goods, food, even magical items from the witches section. Perhaps my fondest memory is the Extracto de Rana. Translating to Frog Extract, you begin by choosing the froggy of your choice. The little fella then gets liquefied in a blender along with honey and a few spices, creating a delicious drink that gives you virility and overall better health. Maybe Juan Carlos can write in about how it tastes (you know I didn't drink it).
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Man Bites Dog
Strippers in Pasadena, Ca have been charged with excessive nudity, and the editor of a porno mag has been fired for not choosing graphic enough pictures.
Strippers in Pasadena, Ca have been charged with excessive nudity, and the editor of a porno mag has been fired for not choosing graphic enough pictures.
Newsflash: Some whales are really old
Hey Joe (I've decided to stop kidding myself and acknowledge that you're the only one visiting the blog since I came back), whalers killed a 49 foot bowhead whale last month and found the weapons pictured above stuck in it's neck. The crazy thing is that the whale was shot with these weapons maybe 120 years ago. That seems pretty crazy. I know tortoises live can live way over 100yrs, and a while ago some biologists seriously thought that some sharks couldn't die of old age (I can't believe they actually thought that). The article says that they think the whale was 115-130 years old. That's one old fucking whale, man.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
BIGFOOT NEWS
As you surely know I had a god awful time in Beloit. I was depressed, the town was a craphole, and not even the Mexican restaurants could make the place livable. You know what would have brightened up my day? Encountering Bigfoot, but what the fuck would Bigfoot have been doing in Beloit? Apparently Bigfoot was chillin' in the marshes just North of Beloit.
In the spring of 2005 - THE SAME TIME I WAS IN BELOIT - a couple was driving on a road along a marsh in Lima Township and saw a Bigfoot hanging out in a ditch on the side of the road. They thought it might be a deer at first because it was brown, but as they got closer they saw it was obviously humanoid, and when it crossed the road in 2 easy steps they knew it wasn't a deer or a person. Matthew Moneymaker, the president and founder of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization out of Laguna Beach, CA, went on a research trip to Wisconsin the year before and encountered other Bigfoots. He says that Wisconsin might be home to 200 of them.
200 goddamn Bigfoots in Wisconsin, some of which lived near where I was in Beloit...if there really was a god He would have one of them cross my paths. I really could have used a Bigfoot encounter when I was there. I'm pretty sure it would have changed my outlook and put an extra little bounce in my step, as long as it didn't attack me.
In other Bigfoot news, if any dear readers want to do me solid they could loan me $100,000 so I can buy a pristine, virgin copy of the Patterson-Gimlin film made in a film lab in 1968. I don't have the cash right now but I think it will be a good investment and I'll be able to begin a research project I've been developing over the past 15 years. I am able to buy the professional Bigfoot costume but it just wouldn't be the same, so I'll probably settle for casts of the famous Bigfoot "cripple foot" prints.
As you surely know I had a god awful time in Beloit. I was depressed, the town was a craphole, and not even the Mexican restaurants could make the place livable. You know what would have brightened up my day? Encountering Bigfoot, but what the fuck would Bigfoot have been doing in Beloit? Apparently Bigfoot was chillin' in the marshes just North of Beloit.
In the spring of 2005 - THE SAME TIME I WAS IN BELOIT - a couple was driving on a road along a marsh in Lima Township and saw a Bigfoot hanging out in a ditch on the side of the road. They thought it might be a deer at first because it was brown, but as they got closer they saw it was obviously humanoid, and when it crossed the road in 2 easy steps they knew it wasn't a deer or a person. Matthew Moneymaker, the president and founder of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization out of Laguna Beach, CA, went on a research trip to Wisconsin the year before and encountered other Bigfoots. He says that Wisconsin might be home to 200 of them.
200 goddamn Bigfoots in Wisconsin, some of which lived near where I was in Beloit...if there really was a god He would have one of them cross my paths. I really could have used a Bigfoot encounter when I was there. I'm pretty sure it would have changed my outlook and put an extra little bounce in my step, as long as it didn't attack me.
In other Bigfoot news, if any dear readers want to do me solid they could loan me $100,000 so I can buy a pristine, virgin copy of the Patterson-Gimlin film made in a film lab in 1968. I don't have the cash right now but I think it will be a good investment and I'll be able to begin a research project I've been developing over the past 15 years. I am able to buy the professional Bigfoot costume but it just wouldn't be the same, so I'll probably settle for casts of the famous Bigfoot "cripple foot" prints.
Monday, June 11, 2007
DATELINE: waiting in my car for an interview, on a tree lined street in a neighborhood less than a mile from my apt.
we had a super fun weekend. Friday night we had dinner with adale's ex-coworker & her husband. we're talking killer appz - shredded chicken buffalo & blue cheese dip. Then we all met up with Liana & Brett for bowling & karaoke. I tore up Life During Wartime and bowled pretty well. I got to go talk to some rich people, will write more later.
we had a super fun weekend. Friday night we had dinner with adale's ex-coworker & her husband. we're talking killer appz - shredded chicken buffalo & blue cheese dip. Then we all met up with Liana & Brett for bowling & karaoke. I tore up Life During Wartime and bowled pretty well. I got to go talk to some rich people, will write more later.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
BLOOPERS: Unfortunate word choices
I talk to a lot of people for my job and usually nothing very exciting happens I get the critical business information I need to acquire and nobody gets hurt. Some people are surprisingly oblivious to whatever organization I represent, and many are fun to talk with, and 75% of the time the interviews are smooth like butter. Racist, homophobic, and sexist comments are like gumdrops from Jesus: sweet, unexpected, and always brighten your day. However, the biggest prize of all is when someone makes an unfortunate choice of words...its a rare and special occasion, like when a room full of typing monkeys writes your job letter for you. I want to let y'all in on two of my favorites.
"I want to know how we can increase penetration with the Boy Scouts."
"The problem [at a certain Jewish non-profit] is that they have a hoarding mentality."
I just nod my head in agreement like always and keep writing in my notebook.
I talk to a lot of people for my job and usually nothing very exciting happens I get the critical business information I need to acquire and nobody gets hurt. Some people are surprisingly oblivious to whatever organization I represent, and many are fun to talk with, and 75% of the time the interviews are smooth like butter. Racist, homophobic, and sexist comments are like gumdrops from Jesus: sweet, unexpected, and always brighten your day. However, the biggest prize of all is when someone makes an unfortunate choice of words...its a rare and special occasion, like when a room full of typing monkeys writes your job letter for you. I want to let y'all in on two of my favorites.
"I want to know how we can increase penetration with the Boy Scouts."
"The problem [at a certain Jewish non-profit] is that they have a hoarding mentality."
I just nod my head in agreement like always and keep writing in my notebook.
EXTRAS: I finally got my laptop back and bought the gadget to take pictures off of my phone, so I have a bunch of pictures y'all have never seen. These are from my drive between Pullman and Spokane, WA. The drive took a few hours but it wasn't bad at all. I listened to a horrible book on cd by Whitley Strieber, a novel about UFO abductions & conspiracies by the government. You would think that based on the subject it would be a classic but somehow the author created a total piece of crap. Strieber made his name in the ufo community with a book called Communion, which purportedly described his own experiences being abducted by aliens in the mid-1980's. I was excited to see the abandoned hotel below...I had fantasies that I found it outside of Ithaca and all of us could get it back up & running, maybe add a bar, and live there while running the place.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
This sign was the highlight of my trip to pay my speeding & parking tickets in Spokane, WA. They did me the "favor" of lowering the cost of the tickets because I paid them in person. It was the same kind of "favor" as when the cop who pulled me over said he would only write me up for going 10 miles over the speed limit rather than 15. Thanks dickweed.
Friday, June 01, 2007
I only had two interviews today and the last ended at 11am. Adale and I had plans to go see her parents but I told her that I needed to do some work before we left and said i would be done at 3pm. I have to be honest that while I did do all the work I needed to do, I didn't spend all my time this afternoon working. I almost blew my cover when I saw this picture...I think it's the funniest picture I can ever imagine seeing and it really raises the bar for lol-pictures. Kind of like when Babe Ruth hit twice as many homeruns as any had ever hit in one season, and actually had more homeruns himself than any other team combined. I had tears running down my cheeks while covering my mouth, trying to keep quiet. FYI, it's nsfw.
I'm looking for someone special. - 57
Reply to: pers-340736551@craigslist.orgDate: 2007-05-29, 5:57PM EDTI’m looking for a woman. But you knew that, from where this ad is placed. In the tradition of ads searching for men, I’m listing what you must not be or do.
1. Don’t have a dog. I’m not interested in anyone who needs affection so desperately that they choose to get it from something that can’t judge whether or not affection is deserved. I prefer cats, but my real pet is a plastic dinosaur.
2. Don’t chew gum. That you do it tells me that you need some sort of stimulation all the time – don’t expect that from any relationship that isn’t pathological. Besides, it looks low-class. I will not be associated with anyone low-class.
3. Don’t smoke. Smoking is an addiction, just like any other drug. I have no desire to deal with someone who needs to have reality chemically modified. I don’t smoke and I don’t use any drugs.
4. Don’t be fat or dirty. You’re going to gain weight as menopause progresses, and you can’t do much about it. If there are rolls of fat, forget it. I have a little extra weight, but there are no rolls of fat. Also, I shower every day, and I don’t coat myself in perfume.
5. Don’t be uneducated. Education involves more than trendy sex fiction, or books on horror, fantasy, or self-help; I don’t read any of that and I won’t start reading it. I read mostly history, engineering, and sciences. I can discuss a lot more than my reading list suggests, and I will learn about whatever fascinates you.
6. Don’t be “politically aware.” We’re just going to fight, and no woman is worth it. Women tend to be liberals, and I’m not; I don’t pay attention to politics.
7. Don’t tell me you’d like to travel and go to concerts. Tell me where you want to go, and that you’ve done it before. Tell me what kind of music you like. I want to go back to Britain (I have friends there), and I can be convinced I need to hear Fleetwood Mac once again.
8. Don’t tell you like CSI, Lost, American Idol, or whatever TV show is trendy today. I have no desire to follow someone else’s imaginary fantasy life, and I’m certainly not going to pretend it’s important to me. You’re not going to convince me to waste my time with it. I watch movies at home.
9. Don’t expect me to support you. If you have mental problems, see a shrink. Lacking confidence is normal in woman, and I can handle that. If you have huge debts that you want me to pay, forget it. I can support myself, and you should be able to, also.
10. Don’t expect me to repair your children. If they have problems, I refuse to inherit them. My children stand on their own, and they come to me for comment rather than for making their lives perfect.
11. Don’t expect me to become mindlessly enthusiastic about organized sports. I’m not interested in pretending to be a part of any team.
12. Don’t tell me that you love candlelight dinners, museums, antiques, romantic walks on the beach, and honest intimacy.
Reply to: pers-340736551@craigslist.orgDate: 2007-05-29, 5:57PM EDTI’m looking for a woman. But you knew that, from where this ad is placed. In the tradition of ads searching for men, I’m listing what you must not be or do.
1. Don’t have a dog. I’m not interested in anyone who needs affection so desperately that they choose to get it from something that can’t judge whether or not affection is deserved. I prefer cats, but my real pet is a plastic dinosaur.
2. Don’t chew gum. That you do it tells me that you need some sort of stimulation all the time – don’t expect that from any relationship that isn’t pathological. Besides, it looks low-class. I will not be associated with anyone low-class.
3. Don’t smoke. Smoking is an addiction, just like any other drug. I have no desire to deal with someone who needs to have reality chemically modified. I don’t smoke and I don’t use any drugs.
4. Don’t be fat or dirty. You’re going to gain weight as menopause progresses, and you can’t do much about it. If there are rolls of fat, forget it. I have a little extra weight, but there are no rolls of fat. Also, I shower every day, and I don’t coat myself in perfume.
5. Don’t be uneducated. Education involves more than trendy sex fiction, or books on horror, fantasy, or self-help; I don’t read any of that and I won’t start reading it. I read mostly history, engineering, and sciences. I can discuss a lot more than my reading list suggests, and I will learn about whatever fascinates you.
6. Don’t be “politically aware.” We’re just going to fight, and no woman is worth it. Women tend to be liberals, and I’m not; I don’t pay attention to politics.
7. Don’t tell me you’d like to travel and go to concerts. Tell me where you want to go, and that you’ve done it before. Tell me what kind of music you like. I want to go back to Britain (I have friends there), and I can be convinced I need to hear Fleetwood Mac once again.
8. Don’t tell you like CSI, Lost, American Idol, or whatever TV show is trendy today. I have no desire to follow someone else’s imaginary fantasy life, and I’m certainly not going to pretend it’s important to me. You’re not going to convince me to waste my time with it. I watch movies at home.
9. Don’t expect me to support you. If you have mental problems, see a shrink. Lacking confidence is normal in woman, and I can handle that. If you have huge debts that you want me to pay, forget it. I can support myself, and you should be able to, also.
10. Don’t expect me to repair your children. If they have problems, I refuse to inherit them. My children stand on their own, and they come to me for comment rather than for making their lives perfect.
11. Don’t expect me to become mindlessly enthusiastic about organized sports. I’m not interested in pretending to be a part of any team.
12. Don’t tell me that you love candlelight dinners, museums, antiques, romantic walks on the beach, and honest intimacy.
Submissive man searching for a special woman to pamper - 42
Reply to: mailto:pers-342297671@craigslist.org?subject=Submissive%20man%20searching%20for%20a%20special%20woman%20to%20pamper%20-%2042Date: 2007-05-31, 8:12PM EDT
Submissive man searching for a special woman to pamper - Very sincere, submissive man searching for a secure, open-minded, independent, attractive dominant curious or dominant woman to pamper. Would like to find a woman who would be comfortable with a male servant. A man to attend to a woman's personal needs, houseboy, chauffuer, errand boy, etc. Just asking in return a hope of long term servitude. If interested, please contact me
Reply to: mailto:pers-342297671@craigslist.org?subject=Submissive%20man%20searching%20for%20a%20special%20woman%20to%20pamper%20-%2042Date: 2007-05-31, 8:12PM EDT
Submissive man searching for a special woman to pamper - Very sincere, submissive man searching for a secure, open-minded, independent, attractive dominant curious or dominant woman to pamper. Would like to find a woman who would be comfortable with a male servant. A man to attend to a woman's personal needs, houseboy, chauffuer, errand boy, etc. Just asking in return a hope of long term servitude. If interested, please contact me
I, ROBOT.
Reply to: mailto:pers-319176295@craigslist.org?subject=I,%20ROBOT.Date: 2007-04-26, 11:26AM EDTSo, I've spent the last 2 days reposting my post because I've seemed to have offended some Western Pennsylvanians with my brand of truth mixed with humor. You see, apparently, although some enclaves of Pittsburgh are ultra-liberal--or , at least, that's what you're eco-friendly-poser-Priuses and be-rainbowed Subarus crowding Whole Foods would like to have us believe, and the Crazy Mocha, latte-sipping-wanna-be-sociologists cry out freedom of speech, they hate when the jokes on them. So, I'm going to concede, and become a drone. I'm guessing to fully accomplish this, I must like the opposite of the things I outlined in my previous posts that I thought were disgusting or just plain dumb about this city in order to find a date, right? I will list my apologies in form below:
Apology 1: I'm sorry I said Metrosexuals are just confused homos who are afraid to come out of the closet, and I now think they should be respected, even though, it's disturbing to see a guy wear pants so tight that they have a camel toe.
Apology 2: I'm sorry I don't believe in the word "bisexual". I mean, sure, a guy who ever fantasizes about another man, or has ever had a guys cock in his mouth may SEEM completely gay as hell, bisexuals are in a class of their own, and aren't anymore confused as a Metrosexual.
Apology 3: I apologize for saying that most women up here look like that flying dog from the Never Ending story simply because they are bloated looking and pale as a frogs belly. I understand that because of the weather, it's difficult to put down the hoagie, get out of the house, and find a gym.
Apology 4: I apologize for saying most the college students up here are just pretentious, stuck up, alleged artists and engineering sheep. I now understand that when they took that ONE semester of sociology, they have every right to analyse everyone and everything in the free world, and that they have every right to bitch about the president, even though they never actually vote because they'd rather "read" into how the senate is actually responsible for the actually elections. Or, if they are Indian, and managed to individualize, leave behind the 17,000 colleges in their homeland (only two of which are in the world's top 100) and the 400,000 engineers those community colleges 'graduate' (only about a third of which would be considered actual engineers here in the US, and then would would have had an education more akin to ITT Tech, then, say, RPI or CMU), come to Pittsburgh, and become, amazingly enough, engineers, and, thus, reinforce the caste system back at home and ensure the Curry Cat on a Stick trucks maintain adequate patronage. But I digress. Apology 5: And finally, I apologize because I'm from a place where folks have a sense of humor, and would find this shit completely hilarious. I now understand that in order to be funny here, you must have the kind of humor that's found only on "Frasier" or "Girlfriends", where being a snooty prick or a pretentious bitch is the "in" thing. Or, of course, "Hee Haw," but then I don't think people who live in Ambridge or Clairton even realize what craigslist is, lest Roy Clark and friends have been off the air for years, now. So, there ya have it. I have officially conformed, maybe now I can find the girl of my dreams here on CL; a large, pale, snooty, conspiracy-theory-having, moody shrew. I can't wait to meet you. Just call me R2-D2. I now must reboot. If I were still human, I guess that would mean I just threw up in my own mouth a little. Speaking of which, how many of you really are bulimic?
Reply to: mailto:pers-319176295@craigslist.org?subject=I,%20ROBOT.Date: 2007-04-26, 11:26AM EDTSo, I've spent the last 2 days reposting my post because I've seemed to have offended some Western Pennsylvanians with my brand of truth mixed with humor. You see, apparently, although some enclaves of Pittsburgh are ultra-liberal--or , at least, that's what you're eco-friendly-poser-Priuses and be-rainbowed Subarus crowding Whole Foods would like to have us believe, and the Crazy Mocha, latte-sipping-wanna-be-sociologists cry out freedom of speech, they hate when the jokes on them. So, I'm going to concede, and become a drone. I'm guessing to fully accomplish this, I must like the opposite of the things I outlined in my previous posts that I thought were disgusting or just plain dumb about this city in order to find a date, right? I will list my apologies in form below:
Apology 1: I'm sorry I said Metrosexuals are just confused homos who are afraid to come out of the closet, and I now think they should be respected, even though, it's disturbing to see a guy wear pants so tight that they have a camel toe.
Apology 2: I'm sorry I don't believe in the word "bisexual". I mean, sure, a guy who ever fantasizes about another man, or has ever had a guys cock in his mouth may SEEM completely gay as hell, bisexuals are in a class of their own, and aren't anymore confused as a Metrosexual.
Apology 3: I apologize for saying that most women up here look like that flying dog from the Never Ending story simply because they are bloated looking and pale as a frogs belly. I understand that because of the weather, it's difficult to put down the hoagie, get out of the house, and find a gym.
Apology 4: I apologize for saying most the college students up here are just pretentious, stuck up, alleged artists and engineering sheep. I now understand that when they took that ONE semester of sociology, they have every right to analyse everyone and everything in the free world, and that they have every right to bitch about the president, even though they never actually vote because they'd rather "read" into how the senate is actually responsible for the actually elections. Or, if they are Indian, and managed to individualize, leave behind the 17,000 colleges in their homeland (only two of which are in the world's top 100) and the 400,000 engineers those community colleges 'graduate' (only about a third of which would be considered actual engineers here in the US, and then would would have had an education more akin to ITT Tech, then, say, RPI or CMU), come to Pittsburgh, and become, amazingly enough, engineers, and, thus, reinforce the caste system back at home and ensure the Curry Cat on a Stick trucks maintain adequate patronage. But I digress. Apology 5: And finally, I apologize because I'm from a place where folks have a sense of humor, and would find this shit completely hilarious. I now understand that in order to be funny here, you must have the kind of humor that's found only on "Frasier" or "Girlfriends", where being a snooty prick or a pretentious bitch is the "in" thing. Or, of course, "Hee Haw," but then I don't think people who live in Ambridge or Clairton even realize what craigslist is, lest Roy Clark and friends have been off the air for years, now. So, there ya have it. I have officially conformed, maybe now I can find the girl of my dreams here on CL; a large, pale, snooty, conspiracy-theory-having, moody shrew. I can't wait to meet you. Just call me R2-D2. I now must reboot. If I were still human, I guess that would mean I just threw up in my own mouth a little. Speaking of which, how many of you really are bulimic?
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