I'm meeting with my supervisor later today to see if I can take a 3-month leave of absence so I can teach Mr. Peaches how to play piano. Wish me luck!

 We finished digging out the "L" shaped garden bed and our little backyard is really starting to shape up. I took the video yesterday while we were mixing in some Bumper Crop soil amendment & waiting for the charcoals to heat up. We had our usual cornucopia of grilled items - marinated meat, peppers, onions, mushrooms, and tofu.

I bought my brother a little camera made to clip onto your pet's collar & take pictures as they do their business. I got him to loan it to me last week & I started to play with it today. Below is a video I made with the first pictures I took with it - I had it on top of my computer monitor & set it to take one picture every minute. I put it on the kitty last night and learned two important things about using the pets-eye-camera: (1) kitty doesn't like wearing it & won't run around on his own accord when he is wearing it (2) you really need to watch kitty when he's wearing it because when he takes a drink of water he also dunks the camera in the water dish & that is not good for the device.

Holy crap I can't believe how cute this thing is. If it wasn't for their razor sharp teeth, the poison they produce & mix with their saliva and use to coat their fur with for protection, the fact that babies separated from their parents are unable to clean themselves so their fur becomes caked with urine, feces and oily skin secretions, and that they mark its territory with urine constantly for it's entire life, I would be tickling my very own slow loris right now.

Check out this Facebook message I got the other day:

Wow Greg, it's Been a long time My friend. How are ya? My Life has been totally crazy since we last spoke. Back in May of 1995 I was in Austin and I went to see you at your apartmant and you were not there. About twenty minutes later something happened that changed my life forever. I got busted with a gram of LSD. And my life changed for sure. I'll have to miss out most of the story for now, but at the present I live in the United Kingdom and I am married to a british woman , we have 2 boys. I have to go to work but hope to hear back from ya, see ya soon. 

Totally fucking crazy, right? I was friends with this guy when I lived in Dallas - I remember him being a funny, crazy, genuine friend. He helped me move to Austin (including recruiting a friend & a family member, I think) in Jan 1995. In the craziness of the move I didn't get a hold of him right away after I moved. I always felt bad about that. I also always felt bad because I planned on buying him & the other guys dinner after they helped me move with the deposit refund from the rental truck, but the rental place wouldn't give me cash & insisted on sending a check. I didn't have any money so I couldn't even buy them a beer let alone dinner, so they just drove back to Dallas (200 miles). Anyway, I tried to get a hold of him later but couldn't find him. I can't believe he tried to visit me & got busted instead.  I haven't heard the story from him about how he got busted. When I first read the message I felt guilty, but for no specific reason. I'm 99.9999% sure I didn't talk to him after I moved to Austin so I'm really sure I didn't ask him to bring acid down from Dallas. I'm sure I was in class or somewhere hiding from my then future-ex-wife. I checked his criminal record & can't tell if he served any time in jail. He was really close to his family, which makes me think he would only move to the UK to escape jail time. Beats me. It's weird to think that if I had been home when he stopped by we probably would have dropped a hit of acid, walked around the neighborhood & freaked out, slept it off, and then went for breakfast tacos the next day instead of him getting arrested. 

My Hero

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

PAY ATTENTION: Everyone will find this interesting!

Before I let you know my results for the super-awesomeness test, there are a few things I should note. First, supposedly there is no such thing as a good or bad result. This suggests a strong correlation between higher levels of narcissism and awesomeness. Second, others typically see individuals who score high on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory as being egotistical and conceited - or in layman's terms, they're jealous. Third, the average score for the general population is 15.3, and the average score for celebrities is 17.8. The perfect score that all the smartest, best looking, most important people get is 20.

I scored a 20. Please note that this is 2.2 points higher than the average celebrity. Rather than seeing this as high on the narcissism scale, a more accurate and contextual interpretation points out that this score "suggests an admirable level of modesty in relation to the actual awesomeness of the test subject."

Principal component analysis of 1000+ tests has identified a general construct of narcissism comprised of seven components, listed below with my respective scores.

authority: 2/8

self-sufficiency: 3/6

superiority: 3/5

exhibitionism: 5/7

exploitativeness: 3/5

vanity: 1/3

entitlement: 3/6

I've got to get to sleep so y'all can chew on those until tomorrow.

A FUN TEST FOR YOU

While relaxing in my cubicle earlier this week I took a fun little test called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, a 40 question test designed to measure features of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (based on the DSM-III clinical criteria) in the general population. Please understand that The Man does not typically have time for any sort of self-awareness foolishness. He barely has time to keep up with the local professional wrestling association's schedule (I'm going this weekend!), critical office gossip, or remembering to always speak in the third person. But also understand that there are time during every work day when even The Man cannot keep up the blazing productivity pace The Man tries to set for everyone on the team, and during those times must find respite in the bounty of the internets. 

Will y'all take the test? Click on this link to go to a download link for a word doc with the test questions.  After you take it, leave a comment & I'll post the key for scoring it & then I'll post my scores (and maybe I'll be able to talk Adale into letting me post hers too). In addition to an overall score, the test gives scores for different aspects of narcissism like authority and vanity, and we both thought it was relatively accurate. 

I won't give away how I scored, but I'll give you a little hint: I have a blog where I write about my life.

Peace out, bitches

 

The Hotness

I'm just relaxing at home tonight...

Man have things been busy. I've been meaning to post more often but most of my free time has involved re-thinking my long desire to own a monkey. Maybe one of those little ones that fit on your finger but nothing bigger. Especially after I read about the guy who was mauled to death by his liger while being pinned down by his pet ape. Thinking about the upcoming baseball season has helped a bit. 

Adale has been a little obsessed with looking up genealogy info online & in turn I'm been somewhat obsessed myself. Adale's been doing a lot with ancestry.com & has found tons of family records in the short time she's working at it. One exciting discovery is that her last name is currently spelled differently than it was for her grandparents in the 1930 census, which is different than for those grandparents in the 1920 census.

I remembered that my great-grandfather on my mom's side had done a genealogy of his family, the Moons. You can read it here. It's pretty nutz. This castle here - William the Conquerer gave it to a relative for his support in the Battle of Hastings. That relative, William de Mohun (which later was bastardized to Moon), was married to Agnes de Gaunt. Agnes was a direct descendant of Charlemange, 8 generations removed (click here and search for agnes de gaunt). Totally crazy, right? The Mohun's kept the castle in the family until 1376, when it was sold to the Luttrell family. Those a-holes lived there until 1976. I remember 1976. I could have visited family there if they hadn't have sold it. 

There are all sorts of fun little triva nuggets in the Moon book - relatives who hung out with Thomas Jefferson & James Madison, another who sailed with Sir Thomas Drake as Captain of his beloved ship Commander, and numerous slave holding plantation owners. 

Anyhooters, I'm going to go grab a soda & watch Trailer Park Boys in HD. 

BREAKING NEWS: New Jersey must have been a wonderful place to grow up, right Joe?

This reminds me of a trip Joe, Adale, and I took to a Chinease buffet in Binghamton

BREAKING NEWS: I am consumed with raw glambition.

I've seen a trailer for my new favorite movie. It will definitely make Kristen's Top 10 too. It's a Thai movie called "Chocolate" by the same guys who made Ong Bak, Thai Warrior (another totally awesome movie), and it's about an autistic girl who learns karate & muy thai boxing from watching tv. The tag line is "She's a special needs girl with a special need to kick ass!!"

BREAKING NEWS: The economy is really bad

MICROWAVE DELECTABLES  with geezy

This week I'll be reviewing the Beef Portobello microwave meal from Eating Right. The packaging, including the green & white logo, gives a contemporary feel to an old classic. I was excited about eating "tender beef", roasted potatoes, and a yummy sauce for lunch. Just look at the box - just imagine what it would be like to have that waiting for you in the middle of the day. 

Positivity

• To be honest, there's not a lot to recommend in this lunch. The potatoes were not as soft as I thought they would be. The high salt content will activate certain taste centers in the brain, possibly triggering feelings of satisfaction, but I demand more of my $2.47 microwave lunches. 

Liabilities

• Broccoli. Putting aside my general aversion to naked broccoli, this dish illustrates the problem microwave lunches have reproducing edible broccoli. It turns out always turns out mushy, and you need way more sauce than Eating Right provides to be able to choke it down.
• Surprisingly, the sauce was also a liability. If brown was a flavor, it would have been a winner, but alas, I was not down with this brizzzown.  "Thick" and "salty' are the best, and only, two attributes of this hot brown mess. 
• My biggest disappointment with the lunch was the beef itself. After the sale price, 85% of my decision to purchase this Beef Portobello lunch was the presence of "tender beef", as promoted on the box. I was surprised that even though the beef was drenched in a thick, salty, brown sauce, it was dry and stringy. And that's fucked up. 

The Verdict

I cannot in good faith recommend this meal. The deficiencies I've described above are self-evident. your favorite grocery store offers a dizzying array of microwavable meals, and there will always be one on sale that is more satisfying than Eating Right's Beef Portobello. Eating Right's meals can often be found on sale for around $2.50, and is among the pricier microwave meals that I purchase. To give you an example of what $2.50 per meal means, I can buy 5 Boneless Pork meals (my previous reviewed meal) for the price of 2 Beef Portobello meals. There's no contest. I give the Eating Right Beef Portobello meal 1/2 chocolate sprinkle donuts.

BREAKING NEWS: Tragedy Strikes!

As most of you have heard, a horrible, unspeakable tragedy happened with Us Airways last week. One of their planes hit some birds, causing the engines to go out, and the pilot had to make a miraculous landing in the Hudson river.

 The, the unimaginable occurred.

Us Airways gave all of those whiny, greedy, selfish passengers Chairman's Preferred Status for FREE for the next year!!! Are you f-ing kidding me? Only true road warriors are awarded this most prestigious preferred flyer level, which virtually guarantees First Class upgrades on every flight. You surely remember all the hell I went through to get Silver Preferred with US Airways. Those lucky-duckies did absolutely nothing & they're now the most elite of the elite. Their flight was in the air for 6 minutes. I had to make 25 grueling flights in one calendar year just for Silver. 

I can hear them now - "Waaaah, I landed in the water. Waaah, I had to stand on the wing of the plane." Most of them have no idea the horrors of shit holes like the Rapid City Regional Airport. Want to have a tasty slice of Sbarro pizza before your flight - you're fucked because all they have is a crappy cafeteria. Don't even get me started about assignments in dry counties, hotels that are stingy with extra bars of soap, or what waiting day in & day out for the breakfast pizzas at the hotel buffet does to your soul. 

Don't think I'm some cold hearted ex-business traveller. Listen to commenter Fedupincomptence writing at Usatoday.com (the newspaper of choice for all business travellers):

None of the passengers should be given Chairman Preferred! I've been flying US Airways for over a quarter of a century with some close calls and the only thing I get is what I earn. I have broken my rear to EARN & MAINTAIN Platinum Status. These folks should take their $5,000 they got for losing their bags and be quite. You want Chairman, platinum, Gold, Silver, YOU MUST EARN IT!

Chairman Preferred for a six minute flight? You can't punch me in the nutz and call me daddy - that just isn't right.

Introducing MICROWAVE DELECTABLES with Geezy

As a great man once proclaimed, "Give me tasty microwave meals I can bring to work or give me death." I am confident that my fellow office workers agree on the importance of lunch in our day - it provides critical nutrients which allow us to operate at peak levels of efficiency, the mid-day break is a time to reflect on the day and bond with co-workers, and, if you choose the right lunch, you can mask the smell of the vodka you add to your coffee in order to look yourself in the mirror.

Choosing the right lunch is one of the most difficult tasks an office worker has to master. The grocery store offers a bewildering selection of delectable morsels at a variety of price points. The Man is here to help guide you, my dear reader, through the daunting world of microwave lunches.

While there are a number of important vectors that contribute to a successful microwave lunch, there's no single roadmap for making your decision. Rather than attempt to list all the possible options, I'll allow my theoretical framework reveal itself in it's application to the lunches I've been eating.

The Swanson Classics Boneless Pork...truly a classic. The makers of the first TV dinner has created a a solid addition to your frozen lunch rotation.

Pros: 

• The sweet smell of the bbq sauce will permeate the breakroom and seep into the hallway, making you the envy of all your co-workers.
  
• There's more than enough bbq sauce to eat the pork and then mix in the corn & mashed potatoes. 
• The boneless pork is actually a pressed meat loaf so you don't have to worry about chipping a tooth or having to chew too vigorously. 
  
• It melts in your mouth quite nicely.
• They've added enough salt to satisfy your RDA so you don't have to use your own - that's added value.
• On sale you can get these for $1 each.

Cons

• The novelty of the singular and consistently mushy texture of the every aspect of the meal wears off quickly, and by the end you feel like you're eating pre-chewed food.
• If you don't have anything to read during lunch, you might look too long at the boneless pork loaf. You really don't want to do that if at all possible.
• The mashed potatoes need more butter.

THE VERDICT

The Swanson Classics Boneless pork is ready to be a staple in your lunch rotation. On taste I'll give it 2 out of a possible 5  chocolate sprinkle donuts, but with the rock-bottom price of $1 per lunch (the lowest of all the microwave lunches I buy, in fact), this gets 2.5 chocolate sprinkle donuts. This can be a workhorse in your lunch rotation. Even if you don't particularly like the pressed pork loaf, you can't deny the $1 price. If there's one thing you take away from my advice, remember that you ONLY buy meals when they're on sale. Because sales change every week your forced to think outside the box & sample a veritable cornucopia  of frozen delicacies created by your favorite corporations available at your family grocer.

If all of us lived in the same town, I would buy Snuggies for everyone to hang out in while we watched tv on our couch. It was hard for me to give in to wearing the fleece hoodies Spike gives me for Xmas every year for the same reasons I fought against Crocs for so long. I knew they would be so comfortable that I would not be able to resist if i ever put them on, regardless of what my wearing them said about my lack of coolness. Now that I've broken those barriers I'm ready to live the Snuggy lifestyle.