Rocktoberfest 2008!

I've neglected to tell you, my loyal readers, that we've been very Fall (as in the season) focused. Check out this list.

1. walked through park to see leaves changing
2. drank homemade cider at someone's party
3. made offerings to the harvest gods
4. cooked several squash-centered meals
5. made caramel apples
   

We also went almost-all-out for Halloween.

1. carved jack-o-lanterns
   
2. baked pumpkin seeds & ate them
3. dressed up for the trick-or-treaters
4. decorated the yard for same trick-or-treaters (including a realistically molded plastic human skull, robber spiders & snakes, fake tombstones & real candles, giant fake spider, black light on porch, spooky noises/music cd playing
5. scared the shit out of a number of trick-or-treaters (including making at least 2 cry)
6. attended a Halloween party dressed in costume
7. walked to said party in costume & in character (zombies, 'natch)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Happy Halloween, my pretties!

I'm all set up for a bachelor weekend - Adale is in the 'Burgh & I am on the couch (tm) watching horror movies, drinking beer, and generally harassing the kitties. I just finished Last House on the Left. I think it was Wes Craven's directorial debut. It was considered super shocking and disturbing when it opened in 1972, but compared to movies like Saw and Audition, I can't imagine any movies from the '70's being able to really shock. That said, it was fun to see the hippy dream of peace and love get mutilated by sociopathic ex-cons. Next up is Three...Extremes, a Japanese movie from 2005 made up of three short pieces. I'm excited because they're supposed to be really creepy. If they don't do the trick I have a Hong Kong gangster flick called The Longest Night ready to roll.

Plans for today

1. Consider mid-morning donut
2. Send Madonna encouraging note after her break-up
3. Decide where Patterson Bigfoot footprint cast will hang in my cubicle
4. Bond with co-workers over World Series
5. Keep rockin' in the free world

Mimi looking very cute (photo by Adale).

Luigi and Mario dolls from a toy store in Chinatown.

Lost Treasures

The last few months have been so exciting that I have a backlog of pictures from my adventures that have yet to see the light of day.

In this shot I am posing in front of the oldest Ginko tree in the U.S. When you click to get the bigger picture you can see upclose my goosebumps.


I know all of you recognize this hallowed ground - the Dukes of Hazzard Museum at Cooter's Place Nashville. At Cooter's you walk with the ghosts of legends...I swear that, out of the corner of my eye, the wax sculpture of Uncle Jesse winked at me as I passed by.

LOCATION: On the couch

STATUS: Content

DATELINE: Germantown, PA





I finally found a place that will get my clothes Chihuahua-clean.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

7-11 has a wonderful public education & awareness program utilizing their delicious donuts. I learned just the other day that it's breast cancer awareness month.

Bad News: My 401K lost 10% of it's value in the last 30 days.

Good News: I only lost $41.

DATELINE: OBAMA RALLY

Adale & I went to an Obama rally in our 'hood this morning. We got there about 1/2 hour before the program was start and at the end of a line of several thousand people.

By the time we got into the park we heard the last 3 sentences of Obama's speech. They very inspiring, however, even when he was saying "thanks for coming."

I was wondering how she did it...

Today was a regular day until 3:30 pm. F-ing around on the internet, finding rich people, reading the blogs (FYI: Jonathan Knight from NKOTB is gay & will come out soon - the rest of the band is cool with it), worrying about when the office coffee order will arrive. That all change with one email.

A higher up asked me to research an alum for an upcoming meeting for the president. I thought I recognized the name, and with just a few keystrokes I realized that I did. I was asked to research someone who played a small but notable role in the JFK assassination saga. I can't say who he was without risking my anonymity, but it's someone who was an important part of re-investigations of the assassination taking place in the 1970's.

You can imagine how excited I was. I once sat next to Sen. Arlen Spector (R-PA) at the Pittsburgh airport (low level investigator with the Warren Commission & creator of the 'single-bullet-theory) and this was almost as exciting. Maybe I should start shopping at the grocery store in his neighborhood so I can 'accidentally' bump into him & ask him what really happened with the investigation. In my Kennedy Assassination delirium I found this website with all the source material you need to really get into the nitty gritty of the case. I'm going to start working on my paper on Oswald's trip to Mexico City this weekend.

ELECTION PREDICTION

The last few weeks have been really good for Obama, with Independents appearing to break towards him. After hearing CNN's quick polls about the debate, especially the internals (on who's more likable Obama was around +30, on who sounded like a typical politician Obama was also around +30, who Independants think won the debate Obama was +26), I now feel confident that Obama will win in November. It seems like a majority of people have decided they want Obama as president and nothing either one of them says from now on matters. You never know what will happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if Obama ended up with 330+ electoral votes.

JIMMY CHEW UPDATE

Carrie reminded me that I never let y'all know the fate of little Jimmy Chew. I decided to put him in a hamster cage & let Mr. Peaches have some fun digging out his "prize."









Just Kidding! After I had Jimmy Chew trapped in the kitchen, I went next door and asked our neighbor Ronnie if he grandkids (they stay with her now & then) had a pet hamster. She said they had 2 hamsters & they both got away a month ago. I asked her if one was white & brown and she said that that was the smart one, the one that always figured out a way to escape. She said that the smart one had escaped & helped the smart one get away too. I put Jimmy Chew in a shoe box & showed him to Ronnie - she couldn't believe that he was still alive after a month on the lamb.

Ronnie gave us Jimmy Chew's old cage to put him in - the picture below is of Ronnie marveling at the miracle of Jimmy Chew.





* I saw her little 5 year old grandson Koran a few days later & he told me that the little guy's name is Cinnamon.

I've been taking a shot every time Palin says "maverick" and I can't feel my eyelids.

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

I have an informational interview with this guy next week. Keep your fingers crossed!!!

JIMMY 2 (CHEW) IN REAL LIFE!

TRAPPED!

BREAKING NEWS: I caught the Hamster!!

We've had a free-range hamster coming into our house for a few weeks now. Adale first heard this crazy hissing in the kitchen & noticed that Mr. Peaches was very excited. After finding kitty food scattered near a missing baseboard, as well as a few rodent poops on the floor, we figured we had a mouse or rat. We set out mouse traps for a few nights but didn't catch anything.

I caught the first glimpse of the critter when I ran into the kitchen upon hearing the hissing. I expected to see a rat & was surprised to see a teddy bear hamster that bore a striking resemblance to my childhood pet hamster, Jimmy (maybe it wasn't that striking since hamsters only come in a few different colors.) The other morning Adale saw Jimmy 2, or Jimmy Chew, run across the dining room floor being chased by Mr. Peaches.

We live in a row house & some kid on the block must have had a pet hamster that got away. They don't live very long - 2 t0 3 years tops.

This morning I heard the hissing again & went into action. I dumped out the magazines from a wicker basket to use as a cage. To my luck Jimmy Chew was in the middle of the Kitchen being slapped around by Mr. Peaches. Did I mention that Mr. Peaches only slaps Jimmy Chew around? He has no killing instinct. He won't even bite the hamster. Pretty lame, right? Anyway, Jimmy Chew was in the middle of the kitchen ad I popped the basket over him. I had to put a case of beer on top of the basket because Mr. Peaches was pushing it around, trying to get at Jimmy Chew.

And that's where we stand at the moment. Adale & I are on the couch drinking coffee and Jimmy Chew is trapped in the kitchen, nibbling on the kitty food I gave him. We're debating what to do with the little guy. Options are

1. let return to his free-range life in the walls of our house
2. ask around to find out which neighbor lost a hamster
3. devote my life to building the greatest hamster cage ever known to mankind
   

I'm leaning toward option 3, but I haven't mentioned it to Adale yet.

Fast forward to 4:25 and listen through to 4:35. Obama is talking about his & McCain's differences about meeting with foreign leaders. Last week McCain had an interview with a latino radio station form Miami and was asked if he would meet with the PM of Spain - McCain gave a confused answer but the next day his campaign manager said that McCain was saying that he wouldn't meet with him. At 4:30 - 4:32, if you turn the volume up, you can hear McCain muttering "horseshit" twice under his breath.

watched the debate but am disappointed that a slap fight didn't break out. No mention of the UFO threat by either candidate - When will they demonstrate executive leadership for the most pressing issue of the day? Sticking your head in the sand won't make our Martian overlords any less eager to enslave and farm out the human race.

Feel smarter in 1 1/2 minutes



Works faster than ginkgo-biloba!

DATELINE: Cape May, Sept 14 9:45 pm

Mood - very very excited.
Cheese fries + bacon strips + crumbled bacon + ranch dressing on the plate =
the most beautiful sight in the world



DATELINE: Cape May, Sept 14 10:17 pm


Mood - flat affect, dazed
Cheese fries + bacon strips + crumbled bacon + ranch dressing in our bellies =
deep and immediate regret + intense nausea

WEDDING EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!

The Vows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bern laughs (she's not choking). The fellow with the long hair & beard to the
right is Kristen's dad with his wife

lovely baskets for the flower girls, courtesy of Adale

cupcake tower!!

Bern's sister, Kristen, Bern, Bern's brother, Bern's two little nieces

Today is Kristen's wedding!!! We had dinner last night with her family - all really nice - and now we're off to Michaels to buy a few last things for the wedding. I'll post pictures tomorrow. Adios!!

BREAKING NEWS: Greg is a Fugitive!

Through work I can buy a discount train pass if I go through a certain website. This might be surprising to many of you, especially those who recognize my preternatural business sense & laser-like focus, but I bought the wrong the wrong pass. I thought that since the website knew where I lived & where I worked that I would only be allowed to buy the right pass. Whoops.

The first week I had no problems & the train guys never questioned my pass, but last week a train guy cheerfully explained that I would owe $3.50 each way, every day, because I bought the wrong pass. $7 extra per day because I need to go one stop further than allowed by my pass.

They won't let me trade up for the right pass, even if I pay the difference (way less than $7 per day). So I have no choice. They are forcing me to become a fugitive & ride the rails as an outlaw. Now I have to constantly keep my eyes on the train guys, always knowing where they are & whether they are asking for tickets/passes. Some days they never ask, but you never know.

I've devised a plan to avoid the train guy who first asked me for $$ & identified my less-than-desirable pass by waiting between where the doors of the train will be & waiting for the few seconds when the train guys step off the train when it comes to a complete stop. This allows me to choose the car without the hardass train guy. This plan isn't perfect because while the hardass train guy likely will always ask me for money, any of the other train guys could do the same.

You can never tell what will happen. One particular train guy saw my pass & asked me for $3.50 last week, but then has not asked for money the following times he has seen my pass. I use my thumb to hide the most tell-tale marking on my pass but this is also imperfect because my pass has a slight but noticeably different background from the correct pass.

Today was exciting as I realized that one of the train guys recognizes me from my daily commute - a minor level of trust that I can exploit to my advantage. On the way home I had to stand in the aisle because the seats were full. When my new buddy was walking down the aisle asking for tickets & passes I began to reach into my pocket for my wallet, where my pass is located. He saw this and said something to the effect of "don't worry about it buddy." I made a mental note to always have both my hands full in the hopes that my new friend wouldn't want to inconvenience me with having to juggle my possessions in order to get out my pass. Pray for me that I can make it until my new correct pass arrives for October.

DATELINE: Big Blue

We're headed off to Cape May NJ for a wedding this weekend so there won't be any more posts until Monday night, at least. Talk to y'all later.

KARL ROVE IS AWESOME!

at keeping a straight face

IMPORTANT INFORMATION: My daily schedule

6:30 am alarm goes off

6:40 get out of bed & take a shower

6:52 get out of shower, dry off, go into office & turn on iron

6:58 shave & fix hair

7:08 iron shirt and or shirt if necessary & get dressed

7:20 go downstairs & eat breakfast, most likely Frosted Flakes

7:25 add music or radio show to phone for listening on way to work

7:42 leave house for train

7:52 arrive at train stop

7:58 board train

8:16 arrive at train stop for University X

8:17 try not to be obvious or creepy while ogling co-eds on walk to office

8:28 buy donut at 7/11 four doors down from my office

8:35 arrive at my cubicle

8:36 turn on computer, grab my coffee mug & water glass and go to break room

8:38 make cup of coffee & fill up glass of ice water

8:41 return to cubicle and chat with colleagues to reinforce important anti-management bond

8:47 finish donut and curse my decision not to buy two donuts

9:00 read NY Times & Wall Street Journal online looking for articles relevant to the university

9:40 begin looking for rich alumni who haven’t been connected with the school post-graduation by looking through corporate SEC filings

11:00 check internet to make sure bigfoot has not been captured, watch video if he was

11:10 eat gluten free snack bar

11:15 begin bios & financial profiles on the 4 alumni I identified earlier

12:30 go to break room & microwave Trader Joe’s pad thai bowl for lunch

1:15 back to the cubicle to work

3:00 finish bio/financial profiles & email them to co-worker to look over before I email them to appropriate deans

3:15 start looking for more rich alumni

3:45 read political blogs & use my anger about the a-hole republicans to fuel my last 75 minutes of work

4:15 finish one last bio/profile & send out for editing

4:15- 4:50 create list of possible prospects for profiling tomorrow

4:55 change from business shoes to walking shoes

5:00 say goodbye to everyone & leave for train stop

5:18 try not to be obvious or creepy while ogling co-eds on walk to train

5:17 catch #7 train home

5:33 arrive at my stop & walk home

5:45 arrive at home to find Mr. Peaches in the window & Adale on the couch, eagerly awaiting my arrival. Mimi doesn't care that I'm home, however.

5:46 - 12:00 fun & relaxation

Not necessarily a bad thing, however

Check this shit out!!

God damn I wish my office had one of these. This is way better than the hot dog vending machine at DFW. I had been feeling pretty good about my office situation - the close proximity to a full service 7-11, a veritable cornucopia of food trucks throughout campus, and I don't have to mention the newspaper reading assignment, so I? But, a pizza vending machine would be a dream. I love me some frozen pizza and I do believe last June's Harvard Business Review that a 10% increase in airborne pizza molecules creates a synergistic effect, raising productivity along with lowering worker's desire for equitable compensation.

Whom among us does not enjoy Christian Ska?

When I got up for work last Thursday I thought, "Greg, you deserve a donut today. Wouldn't it be great if some angel descended from the heavens and brought donuts to work?" Lo and behold, what did I see when I got to the breakroom?


That's right - 24 delicious donuts free for the taking! I was so freamin' excited! The weekend was shaping up to be wonderful with free donuts on Thursday and then Allison coming to town Friday night.


So I made a cup of coffee, grabbed a donut, and headed to my desk to start the day off right. I don't have to tell my fellow office workers that 6 of the greatest words in the English language are "free donuts in the break room", perhaps second only to "boss is paying for happy hour."
Even the mini-greggytron-3000 can detect the excitement in the air.

I know you, my dear readers, have excellent powers of observation & are wondering why I had a vanilla-iced donut and not my favorite, the chocolate-iced donut. I did eat a chocolate one in the break room but decided to leave the last remaining chocolate donut in the box for my co-workers (you never know who's watching, ready to snitch you out for being greedy) and take the vanilla one to my desk. This is one of the countless instances throughout the day where a working knowledge of Game Theory is critical to success in the office environment.

Meckalecka Hi Mecka Hiney Ho friends!

Another week is coming to an end at the office. The bossman has been away for 2 straight weeks, meaning an extra few minutes in the break room & 2 more chit-chat sessions added into the daily routine! I may celebrate the end of the week & casual friday with a donut tomorrow morning.

Allison is coming in for the weekend & we're super super excited. I have tortillas, cheese, & refried beans waiting for the word that quesadillas are desired. Y'all have fun & I'll check in later.

Introducing Fortune Cookies to the Chinese

DATELINE: Big Blue

It's been more difficult than I imagined it would be to get used to the 9-5 world. I love my cubicle, my train ride, having a 7-11 on campus just 4 doors down from my building, and being paid to sit in front of a computer all day, but in some strange way that I don't completely understand, routine makes it difficult to plan certain things. Specifically, it's been hard to keep up with Casual Friday's n'at. But never fear, dear readers, because I have put my considerable business experience, along with my innate ability to monetize synergistic relationships, to work solving this issue and I foresee a dramatic shift in the frequency of posts in the near future.

Top 5 things I like to talk to my co-workers at the beginning of the day*

1. recent alligator attacks
2. my kitties
   
3. The a/c system, because some days its not working & the office is really muggy
4. sasquatch
5. green eggs and ham**

* all are from actual conversations
** except this one

Researcher says Bigfoot just a rubber gorilla suit

I never saw this coming - someone in the government finally got to the Georgia guys & made them change their story.

BREAKING NEWS: New Video of Bigfoot!

This story keeps getting stranger & stranger

Hey all - the Entertainment Lawyer (enty to his friends) had some juicy blind items last Friday, all involving major people from the 4th greatest TV show ever, 90210. Let's hear you guesses people!

Hey all - the Entertainment Lawyer (enty to his friends) had some juicy blind items last Friday, all involving major people from the 4th greatest TV show ever, 90210. Let's hear you guesses people!

Four For Friday

So how about some original 90210 blinds. They all involve people who were on the show. And no, not just people who were on for an episode or two.

#1 - This actress recently reunited with her former flame for about a week of loving when each of their current relationships turned sour at about the same time. After a week they realized why the hell they had broken up in the first place.

#2 and #3 - Despite the age difference, this younger actress on the show came out to this older actress on the show and they had a love affair for about a year. The older actress had been married, but was not at the time of the romance. The younger actress has never been married.

#4 - Although she was portrayed as innocent on the show, in real life, this actress was not so innocent. During the course of each season she would generally get with 4-5 different members of the cast and crew. If you do the math, it is quite the number.

MEANEST OBIT EVER?

Dolores Aguilar 1929 - Aug. 7, 2008 Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby. She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone. Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing. Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again. There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.

BIGFOOT UPDATE - It's More Mysterious Than We Ever Imagined

The Georgia Bigfoot dudes announced in their press conference the results of two DNA tests. One test from the body had human DNA, another from the intestines had possum DNA. Our worst fears have been confirmed- Bigfoot is a not a non-homo sapien sapien branch of primate evolution but instead some hellish half-human/half-possum clone! I can only imagine the evil, devious mind that created this miserable beast

Here's a little bit of the press conference. It's from someone videotaping their TV so the quality isn't the greatest.

I HAD NO IDEA

I was on an Olympic training regimen.

Possibly the Most Important Find in Bigfoot History?

Hey howdy friends! I've been on pins & needles about tomorrow's big press conference. You know, the guys from Georgia who say they have a Bigfoot body & are going to offer dna proof that it's a real Bigfoot. The picture above is of the supposed Sasquatch in a cooler.

I haven't been able to concentrate at work with thoughts running through my head about the possibility that we will have actual proof of He Who Walks Among Us. I know scientists could clone it, so maybe in a few years we'll all have pet Sasquatch's sleeping at our feet while we read the paper & have a highball at night.

Everything is happening so fast in the BRC (that's Bigfoot Research Community) since the announcement of the press conference and, as we all expected, those dicks at BFRO (the Bigfoot Field Researchers Org) are acting all skeptical & tying to convince everyone that the Georgia Bigfoot Body is a hoax. The BFRO chumps believe the photo above is really this costume! Dudes, it's obviously can't be the costume - just read the Georgia dude's description & then tell me if it sounds like they're describing a Halloween costume or the real deal!

*The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.
*It weighs over five hundred pounds.
*The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
*It is male.
*It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.
*It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and
five toes on each foot.
*The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
*Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five and three-quarters inches wide at the heel.
*From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are
eleven and three-quarters inches long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
*The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.)
*The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.

Can't buy that shit at Spencers. Nuff 'said. Peace out Yetis.

Only 6 more months...

If I am elected president, I promise better robot insurance for every American!

Adale's sister is in town for the weekend & we're on a cupcake tasting mission for Kristin. The sacrifices we make for friends...

The past week went pretty smoothly - I only missed my train stop once, found some nice rich people, and began to add some flair to my cubicle (a few win-up robots and a small ceramic figurine of a Shriner. Allison has promised a few exciting surprises for my cubicle I can't wait to see.

We got a new couch - meet Big Blue!!

Through the magic of craigslist we got rid of our grey couch. We couldn't sell it with a clear conscience because every once in a while you could smell kitty pee on it, so I put it up for free & within 12 minutes of the posting people were blowing up my cell.

Big Blue fulfills many of our requirements for a couch. It's a sectional, it's big, and it's not ugly. We would have liked to not buy an Ikea couch because so much of the apartment was renovated with Ikea stuff, but Ikea is like crack. You are never free from it's grip.

We're off to eat cupcakes, cheesesteaks, and visit the Mutter museum. Adios!!

Surprisingly, I did not have a bad case of the Mondays yesterday. After getting some insight into my role in the university machine last week I was ready to greet the new week and make a difference in the workplace. A few exciting things happened in the past few days that make me cautiously excited about the new job:

• My job involves screwing around on the internet all day and that's exactly what I do when I'm unemployed.
  
• My boss assigned me to look through the NY Times & Wall Street Journal every morning. Can you fucking believe that? I have to read the paper every day BECAUSE THAT'S MY JOB!
  
• Casual Fridays. 'Nuff Said.

The Bong Water is So Smooth

NEVER FORGET!

I apologize for not posting much in my first 2 weeks of work, but it's been a difficult week for office workers across the country. This is a week that will live in infamy in cubicles & break rooms - Bennigan's is closing!!!

From this day forward, where will we go for great lunch deals like the Jack Daniels Buffalo Pork Finger Salad Wrap??? Wer're now forced to slum it at TGIF when we want to cut loose during happy hour. A part of our culture died this week leaving a black hole in our hearts. Peace out - I'm going to drown my sorrows in an Extreme-Mellon-Mojito-Rita.

Whew, this week has been crazy!!! I meant to write something everyday but was so worn out I couldn't even think about it and fell into the blogger's negative feedback loop. I broke one of the 10 commandments of blogging by thinking "I'm tired tonight so I'll post double tomorrow", but when tomorrow comes you're still tired but have 2 days of fun & merriment to write about...

First day I take care of some HR stuff & then get my very own cubicle, complete with computer, desk, filing cabinet, and shelves. 25 square feet that I can call my own. I'm going to observe my fellow office mates in their natural environs before personalizing my cubicle - I don't want to make waves & give people something to talk about in the break room. The boss was busy finishing up a big report and left me with some things to read. I looked through the stuff as much as possible, and when that got boring I screwed around on the internets. I did go to lunch with my fellow co-workers, who are all very nice. Being the oldest person in the group is an exciting change from my previous position where I met with old, rich people all day long. I picked up my Qdoba frequent burrito-eater card and am on my way to free lunches. Not as exciting as my Hilton Honors Diamond Status but you take what you can get.

Day 2 & 3 were very uneventful. The bossman still had nothing for me to do and the other people who were supposed to train me were too busy to meet. Again I spent 95% of the day looking around on the internet and feeing guilty about it. I understand that this guilt is something seasoned office workers have shed...I think within a week or so I'll feel great about screwing off all day.

Day 4 was my orientation. I honestly felt excited about working for University X after hearing about it's history and recent accomplishments. Being susceptible to suggestion as well as gullible will serve me well during my tenure in the office.

Day 5 was the yearly staff enrichment day retreat. I'll write a little about this later if I remember, but it included power point presentations with charts & graphs of last year's accomplishments as well as next year's goals, sessions on relieving stress and feng shui, skits, and 50 year old university administrators rapping. I'll post the video of the rap jam another day.

The bossman said that I'll be able to get rolling this week with real live work. Peace out bitches.

For Joe, here's the official trailer for The Watchmen

DATELINE: Filthydelphia

All right, I'm a bit stressed out about starting tomorrow. I feel like I'm not prepared but, as Adale reminded me, all I have to do is show up & they'll tell me what to do. Tomorrow should be a meet & greet with my new best friends at the office, a tour of the coffee break room, rules & regs for teh copy machine, and maybe a fun lunch. Wish me luck!

BREAKING NEWS: We have full internets power!

Internet just got installed. Expect more posts over the weekend, but for the moment I have to update my porn library (you wouldn't believe how behind you can get after just one week offline).

DATELINE: Neighborhood coffee shop, PA

It's been a busy first week so far. We're almost totally unpacked & the place is coming together, even though last Friday, our first day in the apartment, the toilet clogged up and wasn't fixed until Monday. In truth we were both excited because the landlord put us up in a Hilton for the weekend while the toilet was busted.

Because of my Diamond status with Hilton we received the royal treatment, including access to the special Honors floor & Lounge. The Lounge offers a continental breakfast on tech weekends (we get free buffets during the week) as well as snacks & drinks in the evening. Saturday night we showed up at the end of the Lounge hours. Because he was closing up the Lounge, Lito, the Lounge attendant, remembered that I liked Gin & Tonics and offered me an entire 1.75 liter bottle of Tanqueray and unlimited mini bottles of tonic to take back to our room. I opted for the tall glass of straight gin & three mini bottles.

Unfortunately it got clogged up again last night & who the hell knows what they're going to have to do. There's a chance they'll have to replace the floor (the boards are rotting) as well as do some serious plumbing work. Hotel life is nice but it's not close to the train I'll need to take to work next week.

The picture below should give you a little flavor of our neighborhood. It's a display from the CVS selling both High School graduation banners and condoms. Kind of like peanut butter and jelly, really. I like the condom's name, "YourTube".

DATELINE: Deep inside Amish Country

We survived day 1 of the move - loading up the truck, cleaning the apt, and driving out near Philly. We spent the night in a hotel in Denver, PA, about 1 hour outside Philly & are going out to the apt this morning to unload the truck.

We're in Amish country. I've never been interested in visiting Amish country. I am interested in the Amish but thought it would be too voyeuristic to roll up & gawk. Our hotel had a bunch of brochures promoting Amish tourism - I had no idea that Amish country was all about huge meals of tasty looking food. Check out this description from the Good n' Plenty Restaurant:

A typical dinner may include Baked Country Ham, Mashed Potatoes, Roast Beef, Crispy Fried Chicken, Baked Country Sausage, Noodles, Vegetables, Chow Chow, Pork & Sauerkraut, Pepper Cabbage, Homemade Bread, Shoo Fly Pie . . . and much, much more!

Damn!! They had me at Baked Country Ham. I definitely will be making a trip out to strap on my Amish farm feast.

hey guys, we're back from NY and have one more day before we load up the truck & roll out to Philadelphia. The weather was great in Chautauqua but it was hard to relax with the move hanging over our heads.

Today: cleaning, running last minute errands (just realized that one headlight burned out on the car).

I will leave you with a scene from what I dare say is one of the greatest television shows o ever grace the small screen.....Battle Bugs!

Crayfish vs. Scorpion

Hey all,

Just wanted to let you know that posting will be sparse for the next week or so due to the move. My parents are here & have been a big help with the final push to finish up the packing. Adios.

A few days ago I made an exciting discovery in the garage. I was going through my numerous tubs & boxes when I came across two tubs full of clothes, mostly shirts with a few pairs of pants. These included a number of old favorites that a few of you may remember me wearing - over 50 in total. One argument I would give to Adale about why I needed to keep buying vintage shirts at thrift stores was there is a limited amount of vintage shirts in the world and my fear that someday I wouldn't be able to find any. Now I think the reason I couldn't find any is because I had them all in tubs in my garage.

When I was going to Peru every year I had to have several wardrobes - a skinny one for the Fall, to accommodate the weight I would lose during the summer, a larger one for the Winter/Spring for when the lbs would begin to come back, and my field wardrobe for summer excavations. The tubs had a bunch of shirts from these wardrobes, ones I wanted to save because I hoped I could someday wear them.


These are the ones that were either too big, small, ratty, or boring to keep. Below are several pieces I had a particularly hard time giving up.



The black/white western shirt above was really hard to part with. I've had it since 1994 & have had lots of good times with it.

This is a shirt I bought new in Johnson City (at the Army/Navy store across from the Green Owl Diner) for field work in Peru.

I can't remember exactly when I bought this jacket, maybe 1990/91. In LA, I think.

I'm keeping these because they're the cream of the crop and, even if a few are too small, they're just too awesome to get rid of.


I took the ones I'm not keeping to three vintage re-sale stores & got a little over $100 for 15-20 shirts and teh rest went to a thrift store. I had dreams of finding some dorking 15 year old and making him instantly cool by giving him the shirts but just don't know any, and probably would get arrested trying to find one. Oh well. Someone will be very excited when they roll up on the East End Thrift.

Today is all about TCB. We've got odds & ends to pack up, have to spackle & paint over the holes in the walls, errands to run, and a going-away party tonight. To save room in the truck we've decided to make the sacrifice & drink up all of our liquor - those bottles are really heavy.

Did I mention that I've been making Starbucks Frappucino's at home? Here's my recipe:

2/3 cup double strength brewed coffee, chilled
1 cup milk
1 1/2 cups ice
1/2 - 1 tsp vanilla extract
3-5 tbs chocolate syrup

put it all in a blender, blend, and top with whip cream! You may have to add additional ice to get it to the right consistency. This poses a problem because additional ice will dilute the drink, so you can do what I did: make coffee ice cubes.

I found a few of my old favorite Atari games while going through my stuff - I played the shit out of these in Junior High.

BREAKING NEWS: I am very important!!!

OMG!!! Right, so I'm reading The Consumerist, catching up on all the important news a knowledgeable consumer like myself needs to know and what do I see? One of my very own fotos from my days as a business traveler along with a shout-out to yours truly!!!

They have a photo pool on flickr and I linked a some of my fotos to the pool in the hopes to expand my influence beyond my current select group of readers. And guess what - they finally used one of my pictures!!! Below is a little snapshot of the page, but you can click here to see it in it's full glory.


As many of you may recognize, my picture is the one of the building with the elephants.

This is very very exciting. It's a long-deserving vindication of my belief that I truly am more important than most people. I think I'll go have a piece of Adale's delicious fudge as a celebration

DATELINE: tha Crib

We're through getting rid of stuff and have been packing for the last several days. Adale says she'll be done by tomorrow (I've been packing but also am in charge of wrangling boxes & newspapers, calling the utilities, etc.).

The kitties have been en energized by the stacks of boxes in the apartment as well as the frequent re-arrangement of furniture. Boxes to jump into, climb on top of, chase each other around...you get the picture.

My parents are coming to town this week. They're going to stay until the 5th and then all of us are driving up to Chautauqua, NY. They are staying there for 2 weeks at the Chautauqua Institution, a kind of camp for adults with all sorts of speakers, classes, and art & theater stuff, and we'll be hanging out for a few days before coming back to town to loading up the truck for Phily. It'll be good to see them & I'm looking forward to going up to Chautauqua to relax and swim in the lake (if it's warm enough).

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

read about it here.