Tuesday, September 09, 2008

IMPORTANT INFORMATION: My daily schedule

6:30 am alarm goes off

6:40 get out of bed & take a shower

6:52 get out of shower, dry off, go into office & turn on iron

6:58 shave & fix hair

7:08 iron shirt and or shirt if necessary & get dressed

7:20 go downstairs & eat breakfast, most likely Frosted Flakes

7:25 add music or radio show to phone for listening on way to work

7:42 leave house for train

7:52 arrive at train stop

7:58 board train

8:16 arrive at train stop for University X

8:17 try not to be obvious or creepy while ogling co-eds on walk to office

8:28 buy donut at 7/11 four doors down from my office

8:35 arrive at my cubicle

8:36 turn on computer, grab my coffee mug & water glass and go to break room

8:38 make cup of coffee & fill up glass of ice water

8:41 return to cubicle and chat with colleagues to reinforce important anti-management bond

8:47 finish donut and curse my decision not to buy two donuts

9:00 read NY Times & Wall Street Journal online looking for articles relevant to the university

9:40 begin looking for rich alumni who haven’t been connected with the school post-graduation by looking through corporate SEC filings

11:00 check internet to make sure bigfoot has not been captured, watch video if he was

11:10 eat gluten free snack bar

11:15 begin bios & financial profiles on the 4 alumni I identified earlier

12:30 go to break room & microwave Trader Joe’s pad thai bowl for lunch

1:15 back to the cubicle to work

3:00 finish bio/financial profiles & email them to co-worker to look over before I email them to appropriate deans

3:15 start looking for more rich alumni

3:45 read political blogs & use my anger about the a-hole republicans to fuel my last 75 minutes of work

4:15 finish one last bio/profile & send out for editing

4:15- 4:50 create list of possible prospects for profiling tomorrow

4:55 change from business shoes to walking shoes

5:00 say goodbye to everyone & leave for train stop

5:18 try not to be obvious or creepy while ogling co-eds on walk to train

5:17 catch #7 train home

5:33 arrive at my stop & walk home

5:45 arrive at home to find Mr. Peaches in the window & Adale on the couch, eagerly awaiting my arrival. Mimi doesn't care that I'm home, however.

5:46 - 12:00 fun & relaxation


Not necessarily a bad thing, however
Check this shit out!!


God damn I wish my office had one of these. This is way better than the hot dog vending machine at DFW. I had been feeling pretty good about my office situation - the close proximity to a full service 7-11, a veritable cornucopia of food trucks throughout campus, and I don't have to mention the newspaper reading assignment, so I? But, a pizza vending machine would be a dream. I love me some frozen pizza and I do believe last June's Harvard Business Review that a 10% increase in airborne pizza molecules creates a synergistic effect, raising productivity along with lowering worker's desire for equitable compensation.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Whom among us does not enjoy Christian Ska?

When I got up for work last Thursday I thought, "Greg, you deserve a donut today. Wouldn't it be great if some angel descended from the heavens and brought donuts to work?" Lo and behold, what did I see when I got to the breakroom?


That's right - 24 delicious donuts free for the taking! I was so freamin' excited! The weekend was shaping up to be wonderful with free donuts on Thursday and then Allison coming to town Friday night.


So I made a cup of coffee, grabbed a donut, and headed to my desk to start the day off right. I don't have to tell my fellow office workers that 6 of the greatest words in the English language are "free donuts in the break room", perhaps second only to "boss is paying for happy hour."
Even the mini-greggytron-3000 can detect the excitement in the air.

I know you, my dear readers, have excellent powers of observation & are wondering why I had a vanilla-iced donut and not my favorite, the chocolate-iced donut. I did eat a chocolate one in the break room but decided to leave the last remaining chocolate donut in the box for my co-workers (you never know who's watching, ready to snitch you out for being greedy) and take the vanilla one to my desk. This is one of the countless instances throughout the day where a working knowledge of Game Theory is critical to success in the office environment.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Meckalecka Hi Mecka Hiney Ho friends!

Another week is coming to an end at the office. The bossman has been away for 2 straight weeks, meaning an extra few minutes in the break room & 2 more chit-chat sessions added into the daily routine! I may celebrate the end of the week & casual friday with a donut tomorrow morning.

Allison is coming in for the weekend & we're super super excited. I have tortillas, cheese, & refried beans waiting for the word that quesadillas are desired. Y'all have fun & I'll check in later.






Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Introducing Fortune Cookies to the Chinese


Monday, August 25, 2008

DATELINE: Big Blue

It's been more difficult than I imagined it would be to get used to the 9-5 world. I love my cubicle, my train ride, having a 7-11 on campus just 4 doors down from my building, and being paid to sit in front of a computer all day, but in some strange way that I don't completely understand, routine makes it difficult to plan certain things. Specifically, it's been hard to keep up with Casual Friday's n'at. But never fear, dear readers, because I have put my considerable business experience, along with my innate ability to monetize synergistic relationships, to work solving this issue and I foresee a dramatic shift in the frequency of posts in the near future.

Top 5 things I like to talk to my co-workers at the beginning of the day*
  1. recent alligator attacks
  2. my kitties
  3. The a/c system, because some days its not working & the office is really muggy
  4. sasquatch
  5. green eggs and ham**
* all are from actual conversations
** except this one

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Researcher says Bigfoot just a rubber gorilla suit

I never saw this coming - someone in the government finally got to the Georgia guys & made them change their story.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: New Video of Bigfoot!

This story keeps getting stranger & stranger

Monday, August 18, 2008

Hey all - the Entertainment Lawyer (enty to his friends) had some juicy blind items last Friday, all involving major people from the 4th greatest TV show ever, 90210. Let's hear you guesses people!

Four For Friday

So how about some original 90210 blinds. They all involve people who were on the show. And no, not just people who were on for an episode or two.

#1 - This actress recently reunited with her former flame for about a week of loving when each of their current relationships turned sour at about the same time. After a week they realized why the hell they had broken up in the first place.

#2 and #3 - Despite the age difference, this younger actress on the show came out to this older actress on the show and they had a love affair for about a year. The older actress had been married, but was not at the time of the romance. The younger actress has never been married.

#4 - Although she was portrayed as innocent on the show, in real life, this actress was not so innocent. During the course of each season she would generally get with 4-5 different members of the cast and crew. If you do the math, it is quite the number.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

MEANEST OBIT EVER?


Dolores Aguilar

1929 - Aug. 7, 2008

Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby.

She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.

Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.

There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

BIGFOOT UPDATE - It's More Mysterious Than We Ever Imagined

The Georgia Bigfoot dudes announced in their press conference the results of two DNA tests. One test from the body had human DNA, another from the intestines had possum DNA. Our worst fears have been confirmed- Bigfoot is a not a non-homo sapien sapien branch of primate evolution but instead some hellish half-human/half-possum clone! I can only imagine the evil, devious mind that created this miserable beast
Here's a little bit of the press conference. It's from someone videotaping their TV so the quality isn't the greatest.

Thursday, August 14, 2008



I HAD NO IDEA

I was on an Olympic training regimen.



Possibly the Most Important Find in Bigfoot History?


Hey howdy friends! I've been on pins & needles about tomorrow's big press conference. You know, the guys from Georgia who say they have a Bigfoot body & are going to offer dna proof that it's a real Bigfoot. The picture above is of the supposed Sasquatch in a cooler.

I haven't been able to concentrate at work with thoughts running through my head about the possibility that we will have actual proof of He Who Walks Among Us. I know scientists could clone it, so maybe in a few years we'll all have pet Sasquatch's sleeping at our feet while we read the paper & have a highball at night.

Everything is happening so fast in the BRC (that's Bigfoot Research Community) since the announcement of the press conference and, as we all expected, those dicks at BFRO (the Bigfoot Field Researchers Org) are acting all skeptical & tying to convince everyone that the Georgia Bigfoot Body is a hoax. The BFRO chumps believe the photo above is really this costume! Dudes, it's obviously can't be the costume - just read the Georgia dude's description & then tell me if it sounds like they're describing a Halloween costume or the real deal!

*The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.
*It weighs over five hundred pounds.
*The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
*It is male.
*It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.
*It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and
five toes on each foot.
*The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
*Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five and three-quarters inches wide at the heel.
*From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are
eleven and three-quarters inches long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
*The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.)
*The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.
Can't buy that shit at Spencers. Nuff 'said. Peace out Yetis.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


Only 6 more months...

If I am elected president, I promise better robot insurance for every American!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Adale's sister is in town for the weekend & we're on a cupcake tasting mission for Kristin. The sacrifices we make for friends...

The past week went pretty smoothly - I only missed my train stop once, found some nice rich people, and began to add some flair to my cubicle (a few win-up robots and a small ceramic figurine of a Shriner. Allison has promised a few exciting surprises for my cubicle I can't wait to see.

We got a new couch - meet Big Blue!!

Through the magic of craigslist we got rid of our grey couch. We couldn't sell it with a clear conscience because every once in a while you could smell kitty pee on it, so I put it up for free & within 12 minutes of the posting people were blowing up my cell.

Big Blue fulfills many of our requirements for a couch. It's a sectional, it's big, and it's not ugly. We would have liked to not buy an Ikea couch because so much of the apartment was renovated with Ikea stuff, but Ikea is like crack. You are never free from it's grip.

We're off to eat cupcakes, cheesesteaks, and visit the Mutter museum. Adios!!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008


Surprisingly, I did not have a bad case of the Mondays yesterday. After getting some insight into my role in the university machine last week I was ready to greet the new week and make a difference in the workplace. A few exciting things happened in the past few days that make me cautiously excited about the new job:

  • My job involves screwing around on the internet all day and that's exactly what I do when I'm unemployed.
  • My boss assigned me to look through the NY Times & Wall Street Journal every morning. Can you fucking believe that? I have to read the paper every day BECAUSE THAT'S MY JOB!
  • Casual Fridays. 'Nuff Said.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

The Bong Water is So Smooth
NEVER FORGET!



I apologize for not posting much in my first 2 weeks of work, but it's been a difficult week for office workers across the country. This is a week that will live in infamy in cubicles & break rooms - Bennigan's is closing!!!

From this day forward, where will we go for great lunch deals like the Jack Daniels Buffalo Pork Finger Salad Wrap??? Wer're now forced to slum it at TGIF when we want to cut loose during happy hour. A part of our culture died this week leaving a black hole in our hearts. Peace out - I'm going to drown my sorrows in an Extreme-Mellon-Mojito-Rita.


Monday, July 28, 2008



Wednesday, July 23, 2008


Whew, this week has been crazy!!! I meant to write something everyday but was so worn out I couldn't even think about it and fell into the blogger's negative feedback loop. I broke one of the 10 commandments of blogging by thinking "I'm tired tonight so I'll post double tomorrow", but when tomorrow comes you're still tired but have 2 days of fun & merriment to write about...

First day I take care of some HR stuff & then get my very own cubicle, complete with computer, desk, filing cabinet, and shelves. 25 square feet that I can call my own. I'm going to observe my fellow office mates in their natural environs before personalizing my cubicle - I don't want to make waves & give people something to talk about in the break room. The boss was busy finishing up a big report and left me with some things to read. I looked through the stuff as much as possible, and when that got boring I screwed around on the internets. I did go to lunch with my fellow co-workers, who are all very nice. Being the oldest person in the group is an exciting change from my previous position where I met with old, rich people all day long. I picked up my Qdoba frequent burrito-eater card and am on my way to free lunches. Not as exciting as my Hilton Honors Diamond Status but you take what you can get.

Day 2 & 3 were very uneventful. The bossman still had nothing for me to do and the other people who were supposed to train me were too busy to meet. Again I spent 95% of the day looking around on the internet and feeing guilty about it. I understand that this guilt is something seasoned office workers have shed...I think within a week or so I'll feel great about screwing off all day.

Day 4 was my orientation. I honestly felt excited about working for University X after hearing about it's history and recent accomplishments. Being susceptible to suggestion as well as gullible will serve me well during my tenure in the office.

Day 5 was the yearly staff enrichment day retreat. I'll write a little about this later if I remember, but it included power point presentations with charts & graphs of last year's accomplishments as well as next year's goals, sessions on relieving stress and feng shui, skits, and 50 year old university administrators rapping. I'll post the video of the rap jam another day.

The bossman said that I'll be able to get rolling this week with real live work. Peace out bitches.

Monday, July 21, 2008

For Joe, here's the official trailer for The Watchmen

Sunday, July 20, 2008

DATELINE: Filthydelphia

All right, I'm a bit stressed out about starting tomorrow. I feel like I'm not prepared but, as Adale reminded me, all I have to do is show up & they'll tell me what to do. Tomorrow should be a meet & greet with my new best friends at the office, a tour of the coffee break room, rules & regs for teh copy machine, and maybe a fun lunch. Wish me luck!



Friday, July 18, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: We have full internets power!

Internet just got installed. Expect more posts over the weekend, but for the moment I have to update my porn library (you wouldn't believe how behind you can get after just one week offline).


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

DATELINE: Neighborhood coffee shop, PA

It's been a busy first week so far. We're almost totally unpacked & the place is coming together, even though last Friday, our first day in the apartment, the toilet clogged up and wasn't fixed until Monday. In truth we were both excited because the landlord put us up in a Hilton for the weekend while the toilet was busted.

Because of my Diamond status with Hilton we received the royal treatment, including access to the special Honors floor & Lounge. The Lounge offers a continental breakfast on tech weekends (we get free buffets during the week) as well as snacks & drinks in the evening. Saturday night we showed up at the end of the Lounge hours. Because he was closing up the Lounge, Lito, the Lounge attendant, remembered that I liked Gin & Tonics and offered me an entire 1.75 liter bottle of Tanqueray and unlimited mini bottles of tonic to take back to our room. I opted for the tall glass of straight gin & three mini bottles.

Unfortunately it got clogged up again last night & who the hell knows what they're going to have to do. There's a chance they'll have to replace the floor (the boards are rotting) as well as do some serious plumbing work. Hotel life is nice but it's not close to the train I'll need to take to work next week.

The picture below should give you a little flavor of our neighborhood. It's a display from the CVS selling both High School graduation banners and condoms. Kind of like peanut butter and jelly, really. I like the condom's name, "YourTube".



Thursday, July 10, 2008


DATELINE: Deep inside Amish Country

We survived day 1 of the move - loading up the truck, cleaning the apt, and driving out near Philly. We spent the night in a hotel in Denver, PA, about 1 hour outside Philly & are going out to the apt this morning to unload the truck.

We're in Amish country. I've never been interested in visiting Amish country. I am interested in the Amish but thought it would be too voyeuristic to roll up & gawk. Our hotel had a bunch of brochures promoting Amish tourism - I had no idea that Amish country was all about huge meals of tasty looking food. Check out this description from the Good n' Plenty Restaurant:

A typical dinner may include Baked Country Ham, Mashed Potatoes, Roast Beef, Crispy Fried Chicken, Baked Country Sausage, Noodles, Vegetables, Chow Chow, Pork & Sauerkraut, Pepper Cabbage, Homemade Bread, Shoo Fly Pie . . . and much, much more!


Damn!! They had me at Baked Country Ham. I definitely will be making a trip out to strap on my Amish farm feast.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

hey guys, we're back from NY and have one more day before we load up the truck & roll out to Philadelphia. The weather was great in Chautauqua but it was hard to relax with the move hanging over our heads.

Today: cleaning, running last minute errands (just realized that one headlight burned out on the car).

I will leave you with a scene from what I dare say is one of the greatest television shows o ever grace the small screen.....Battle Bugs!

Crayfish vs. Scorpion


Friday, July 04, 2008

Hey all,

Just wanted to let you know that posting will be sparse for the next week or so due to the move. My parents are here & have been a big help with the final push to finish up the packing. Adios.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

A few days ago I made an exciting discovery in the garage. I was going through my numerous tubs & boxes when I came across two tubs full of clothes, mostly shirts with a few pairs of pants. These included a number of old favorites that a few of you may remember me wearing - over 50 in total. One argument I would give to Adale about why I needed to keep buying vintage shirts at thrift stores was there is a limited amount of vintage shirts in the world and my fear that someday I wouldn't be able to find any. Now I think the reason I couldn't find any is because I had them all in tubs in my garage.

When I was going to Peru every year I had to have several wardrobes - a skinny one for the Fall, to accommodate the weight I would lose during the summer, a larger one for the Winter/Spring for when the lbs would begin to come back, and my field wardrobe for summer excavations. The tubs had a bunch of shirts from these wardrobes, ones I wanted to save because I hoped I could someday wear them.


These are the ones that were either too big, small, ratty, or boring to keep. Below are several pieces I had a particularly hard time giving up.



The black/white western shirt above was really hard to part with. I've had it since 1994 & have had lots of good times with it.

This is a shirt I bought new in Johnson City (at the Army/Navy store across from the Green Owl Diner) for field work in Peru.

I can't remember exactly when I bought this jacket, maybe 1990/91. In LA, I think.

I'm keeping these because they're the cream of the crop and, even if a few are too small, they're just too awesome to get rid of.


I took the ones I'm not keeping to three vintage re-sale stores & got a little over $100 for 15-20 shirts and teh rest went to a thrift store. I had dreams of finding some dorking 15 year old and making him instantly cool by giving him the shirts but just don't know any, and probably would get arrested trying to find one. Oh well. Someone will be very excited when they roll up on the East End Thrift.



Today is all about TCB. We've got odds & ends to pack up, have to spackle & paint over the holes in the walls, errands to run, and a going-away party tonight. To save room in the truck we've decided to make the sacrifice & drink up all of our liquor - those bottles are really heavy.

Did I mention that I've been making Starbucks Frappucino's at home? Here's my recipe:

2/3 cup double strength brewed coffee, chilled
1 cup milk
1 1/2 cups ice
1/2 - 1 tsp vanilla extract
3-5 tbs chocolate syrup

put it all in a blender, blend, and top with whip cream! You may have to add additional ice to get it to the right consistency. This poses a problem because additional ice will dilute the drink, so you can do what I did: make coffee ice cubes.

I found a few of my old favorite Atari games while going through my stuff - I played the shit out of these in Junior High.




Tuesday, July 01, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: I am very important!!!

OMG!!! Right, so I'm reading The Consumerist, catching up on all the important news a knowledgeable consumer like myself needs to know and what do I see? One of my very own fotos from my days as a business traveler along with a shout-out to yours truly!!!

They have a photo pool on flickr and I linked a some of my fotos to the pool in the hopes to expand my influence beyond my current select group of readers. And guess what - they finally used one of my pictures!!! Below is a little snapshot of the page, but you can click here to see it in it's full glory.


As many of you may recognize, my picture is the one of the building with the elephants.

This is very very exciting. It's a long-deserving vindication of my belief that I truly am more important than most people. I think I'll go have a piece of Adale's delicious fudge as a celebration

DATELINE: tha Crib

We're through getting rid of stuff and have been packing for the last several days. Adale says she'll be done by tomorrow (I've been packing but also am in charge of wrangling boxes & newspapers, calling the utilities, etc.).

The kitties have been en energized by the stacks of boxes in the apartment as well as the frequent re-arrangement of furniture. Boxes to jump into, climb on top of, chase each other around...you get the picture.

My parents are coming to town this week. They're going to stay until the 5th and then all of us are driving up to Chautauqua, NY. They are staying there for 2 weeks at the Chautauqua Institution, a kind of camp for adults with all sorts of speakers, classes, and art & theater stuff, and we'll be hanging out for a few days before coming back to town to loading up the truck for Phily. It'll be good to see them & I'm looking forward to going up to Chautauqua to relax and swim in the lake (if it's warm enough).



Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

read about it here.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Art Criticism with Antonio D, part 2




Sunday, June 29, 2008

've been scanning in bits & pieces of some comics and magazines before getting rid of them. Here are a few highlights.







Friday, June 27, 2008

Art Criticism with Antonio D


Some time ago at the recycling center I found a bunch of student artwork & notebooks in the magazines/junk mail bin. It was at the end of the school year and I imagine the teacher dropped off the papers that students failed to pick up. The one I kept (after reading through them all) is a notebook by Antonio D. I would guess he's a junior high student.

The notebook has drawings & thoughts on a number of significant 20th century artworks. I enjoyed going through the notebook and thought y'all might too.


The first is Roy Lichtenstein's "Look Mickey" from 1961. I read that his young son showed him a Donald Duck comic book and asked if he could paint something as pretty as the comic.






Unlike many of Antonio's other entries, he has no comment other than a sketch of the painting. I don't think Antonio has ever gone fishing because he didn't do a good job with the fishing poles. Interestingly, his reaction to the painting closely mirrors interpretations of Lichtenstein's work. The website for the National Gallery of Art (where the painting is located) has a page on the painting and says:
At the time the simplistic narratives and boldly graphic visual mannerisms of comics and advertising were understood to resist the powerful postwar legacy of abstract expressionist painting—the highly subjective processes and grand claims for psychic content that characterized the work of Jackson Pollock, Mark Rothko, Willem de Kooning, and other New York School artists whose achievement had recently placed American art at the center of a world stage.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Remember the picture last week of all those old 1.44 mb discs? I went through all of them to make sure I had all the files on them before throwing them out & found some pictures from Peru, all from the excavations at Conchopata in 2001.


This action shot is of Juan Carlos & myself collecting samples for radiocarbon dating from the floor of a room (or patio, I can't remember). If I remember correctly, the dates we have from those buildings suggest they were built after 800 AD.


We did not find any child/juvenile burials during the field seasons of 1999 & 2000. Over the course of a 2 week span in 2001 we found a bunch of child/juvenile burials like the one above. Most were found underneath the floors of rooms, most were single individuals in a flexed position, and I think most or all had pots on their heads like this little fella.



Here's JC malking on the un-excavated bulk from EA-143, a sunken circular building. I directed the excavation of the building and it ended up being pretty cool.

The picture above is of the steps down into the building, and in the center of the building was a small, stone lined cist (about 1m wide and 1m deep. The building was some sort of ritual space - we found no evidence that people cooked, processed foo, made pots, or any of the other kind of daily activities people may have done. The floor was covered in about 4=6 inches of ash, suggesting that the last thing people did in the building before it was abandoned was to burn a bunch of stuff inside it. In the back of the building, opposite of the steps, we found 22 human skulls on the floor and a few human hands (can't remember how many). Most of the skulls have small holes drilled into them that were likely used to put them on strings, and most have cut marks indicative of de-fleshing, meaning these weren't old skulls they had lying around but were taken from living people.




This is one of the smaller Conchopata style urns (and an empty bottle of rum).

Tuesday, June 24, 2008



In preparation for our move we've been weeding through our stuff and trying to make some hard choices about what we really want to bring to Philly. This moght come as a surprise to some but I have a lot of clothes, maybe twice as much as Adale. Our new place does not have many closets so I am thinning out my clothes to the bare bones, keeping just the cream of the crop.

Sadly, the jacket above did not make the cut. I've had this jacket for years (10? 15? I can't remember). It's been good to me. For most of the time I had the jacket it was my favorite - warm enough but not too warm, stylish, brown. But it's seen better days and I'm at a point in my life where it's time to let it go. You've been a good jacket to me, Mr. Archie Bunker jacket, and I wish you well on your travels.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Robert Orben, King of Komedy


Patter Parade by Robert Orben, originally uploaded by El Grande Mono.

I found these awesome little books while rooting around at Hub’s Place in Ithaca last fall. I've scanned in parts of two of them - Patter Parade (published in 1947) and Flip Lines (published in 1952). The books have page after page of jokes, gags, and come-backs for professional comedians speakers, and magicians. I bought them thinking of Sara and her love of corny jokes but have never got around to sending them out to her. I just re-discovered them as we’re sifting through our junk for the move.

The author, Robert Orben, wrote them, and dozens of other books like them. Mr. Orben is a long-time professional comedy writer who has written for all sorts of famous comedians. These are genuine, old-school jokes and gags from a guy who must have created hundreds of thousands of jokes in his lifetime. He wrote Jack Paar’s monologues for the old Tonight Show and helped write speeches for Nixon & Ford. If you can believe it, in1963 or 1964, every day he was sending a page of jokes to Dick Gregory (social activist/comedian) – AND a page jokes to Barry Goldwater (arch-conservative). Here's a great interview with him from 2004 where he talks about his carer, writing jokes and speeches, and comedy.

I've put some of my favorite lines below, but my favorite overall is the entire routine titled "My second impression of an evening with a push button radio."

Dancer:

  • She claims she has talent in her blood. She must have lousy circulation because it hasn’t reached her feet yet.

No Laughs:

  • You keep acting like this and I won’t tell you the funny stuff.

Beautiful Girls:

  • One day she so got drunk she found herself in a strange apartment – hers.
  • The story of her success can be told in one word – yes.

Restaurant:

  • I won’t say what the food was like but even the mice ate out.

Hospital Daze:

  • One day I was feeling so bad I sent my wife out to get for something for my liver…and she came back with a pound of onions!

Crime doesn’t pay but the hours sure are good!

  • He was so crooked that even that wool he pulled over your eyes was 50% cotton.
  • He finally passed away during a poker game. Died of a rare disease called five aces. Left a wife, three kids, and six cops without support.



Sunday, June 22, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: We have a place!!!

We drove out to Philly on Thursday and the next morning put a deposit down on a row house. We saw several places Thursday evening but had our eyes on one that we toured Friday morning - and we ended up getting the one we wanted. It's a little shabbier than the pictures below make it seem (they're from the craigslist ad) but, except for the tiny tiny bathroom, I think it'll be great. We'll have a front porch & small backyard and it's just steps from a main drag with coffee shops, restaurants, bars, etc etc. The un-official move date is July 10th. Yeah!!!!!!!!







Wednesday, June 18, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: I GOTZ A JOB!!!

I got the official word a few hours ago that I have the job. We're driving out to Philly tomorrow to look for a place.

I'm also selling two fiberglass chairs on craigslist & someone in Philly wants them, so we're bringing them along too. I really think we can make big bucks selling junk on craigslist.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: I love making $$

Below is the stat sheet from my various sales over the past 2 weeks. I think we could make some real money if we focused on rounding up goodies from out around Adale's parents place and selling it to fools here in the big city.

Wardrobe

Free (basement of Ithaca apt.

$60

Ikea chair

Free (from Rhonda)

$45

Green chair

< $15

$35

Ikea bar stools

Free (from Rhonda)

$20

Corner shelf

< $50

$60

Record player

Free (from Juan Carlos)

$45

Porch glider

$35

$150

Wardrobe

Free (basement of Ithaca apt.)

$60

Vintage linen

< $3

$6.99

Ikea sofa

$50 (sofa was free from Rhonda, cover $50)

$45



Total paid for items: < $153
Total sales for items: $428.99

Total minimum profit: $275.99


Monday, June 16, 2008

Fun Times at Kennywood!!!!!


FILE0123, originally uploaded by El Grande Mono.

Sunday, June 15, 2008


DATELINE: My Couch

Hey Hey Hey, what's shakin' people? We're drinking a little coffee, I'm checking on my ebay auctions, and Adale is coordinating our Kennywood trip today. We're planning out our outfits, perhaps the most crucial facet of a Kennywood trip, because matching outfits are critical to the full Kennywood experience.

I've been making big $$$ on Craigslist and will post a list of all my sales in the next few days. Adale & I decided to sell one of our gliders because 1) we have too many 2) the one we want to sell is a sliding one and not the hanging ones we like better 3) the one we want to sell is in perfect condition. So I listed it on Craigslist for $150, thinking that while it's painful to get rid of such a nice glider I wouldn't mind drowning my sorrows in a fistful of ca$h. Guess what - someone wrote me just hours after I posted it saying that they were really excited & want to see on Monday.

We've been laying low so far this weekend & trying to drink up our liquor so we won't have to move with it. Because of the heat I have been working on a frozen margarita recipe but still have some calibrating to do. This is what I'm doing:

2 oz tequila
2oz lime juice
1 oz simple syrup
1 oz triple sec

Fill ice in blender so ice & liquid are about the same height, blend.

The problem I hit is that to get the nice slushy consistency I end up adding so much extra ice that it substantially waters down the drink. Am I blending the ice too much? Any suggestions (Carrie?) would be greatly appreciated.

Have a Super Sunday & I'll ride the Jackrabbit 2X for all of you

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Damn!!! I don't what I did or how I did it, but something amazing is going on here at Business n'at. Can you feel it? I can feel it! Wait, I don't know...maybe I'm feeling it...I think the wall just moved...yeah, I'm feeling it.

Moments ago I checked the value of Business n'at and look at what came up


My blog is worth $2,258.16.
How much is your blog worth?



$2000!! If I can get the blog to continue increasing in value at the same rate it's grown in it's first few years, 20 years from know I'll be filthy rich. All of this because of you, my dear & loyal readers. I will remember your support during these early days whilst sipping champagne on my yacht.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I Love Pittsburgh!


Backup


Backup, originally uploaded by El Grande Mono.

Already getting nostalgic for the 'Burgh



Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Click to enlarge

Monday, June 09, 2008

You know what's awesome? My drug-free urine is awesome.


I should also note that last Friday night I was never worried about anything bad happening from the hives even though the previous post may have been a bit dramatic.

All Praise Cthulu that the weekend is over. I spent much of Friday night & early Saturday morning in the Emergency Room. Friday we went out to Aunt Barb's to swim and had a relaxing afternoon in her pool. However, my hives started acting up & after we had delicious pizza at Armando's Pizza I had to go to CVS for some drugs. After downing 2X the recommended dose of Benadryl along with other antihistamines Adale drove us home. Unfortunately the hives continued to get worse and around 10pm my throat started to tighten up (it's closed twice before during an attack) so I had Adale drive me to the hospital.

I should mention that I was kind of loopy from all the Benadryl so when the ER people started to shoot me up with drugs I stared at the needle. Because have a weak stomach I got woozy from seeing the needle enter my vein and had to ask for a bucket to puke in. Luckily I didn't puke, but the drop in blood pressure associated with my wooziness created a rather unpleasant sensation that continued through to the next day.

The first dose of injections slowed down the hives & throat closing but didn't completely reverse the symptoms. I was, however, pretty high and felt great considering the circumstances. Eventually the doctor gave me more shots & the hives went down enough so I could go home (4 hours after we got there).

Needless to say Saturday was a wash for me. I felt crummy most of the day, especially since one of the ER nurses may have predicted that I'm allergic to wheat gluten. He asked whether I had several symptoms - which I do have - and then said that I might be allergic to wheat. Talk about a downer - no beer, no hamburgers, no pizza, no cookies. Make a list of every food you like to eat and I'll bet that every one has some form of wheat gluten in it. Life would totally suck. I don't have to mention that I can't smoke weed because of my new job.

Anyhooters, I guess I should be grateful that I didn't die and that someone bid on one of my Ebay auctions. That sentence was too dramatic - I was never worried that anything serious would happen. Because of all the Benadryl coursing through my veins I honestly felt pretty good throughout the evening.

Not eating wheat gluten, however, is driving me crazy and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do it. In February I had a blood test that did say I was slightly allergic to Wheat, but it also said I was allergic to tomatoes, onions, and lots of other things that I like to eat. My only comfort is that I read that chronic hives (which I apparently have) often cannot be attributed to any cause, particularly in people with psoriasis (which I have) and other immune deficiency diseases. That would be great because it would mean that I could eat whatever I wanted to eat, but it would also mean that I could come down with a deadly hive attack no matter what I do.

I've got to go to sleep - fortunately there are no wheat glutens in vodka tonics - but don't worry, I'm pretty certain that I'll be around to write more tomorrow.

Friday, June 06, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: The $$$ is rolling in!

Craigslist came through again and we sold a wardrobe yesterday for $60. It was one that Adale found in the basement of our place in Ithaca & repainted white. We have a bookshelf on there now but so far no one has written in about it. Do you think $120 is too much? I also haven't received any bids on my ebay stuff yet but maybe people are waiting until the last minute to snatch things up.

We're rolling out to Aunt Barb's to go swimming. It's finally turned hot & humid here.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Obama is going to KRUSH him in November


Wednesday, June 04, 2008

$35!!! A lucky young man named Brian took home our stylish green & blue chair for the low, low price of $35 dollars. I feel like Donald Trump, making big deals and watching my bank account blow up.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: WE'RE MOVING TO PHILLY! (probably)

I heard from University X (don't want to write their name here) and the department wants to hire me & said I should I be hearing form HR with a formal offer this week. It feels very strange but that's what's happening. We're thinking abut the Mt. Airy neighborhood in NW Philly - supposedly it's where lots of lesbians live & love so I shouldn't have any troubles making friends. University X wants me there on 7/1 so things will be moving pretty quickly.

We're beginning to weed through our treasures & I am selling some goodies on craigslist & ebay. I listed the chair yesterday afternoon and already 5 people have written to ask about it. I couldn't believe how many people wrote in and I'm kicking myself that we haven't been making big $$$ bringing up treasuries from out near Adale's parents. I just put the magazines on ebay last night and so far no bids, but I think usually people don't bid until the last few days.


Does this ring a bell for any of my dear readers? Below is the abstract for a PhD dissertation from Erik Ottoson, an Anthro/Ethnology student at Uppsala University in Sweden - his research "brings into focus how individuals search for objects" in flea markets, refuse skips, shopping streets and malls From the abstract:

The aim of the thesis is to study the search for things and how it influences individuals and their relations to objects and the places in which they search.The thesis focuses on what is termed serendipitous searching – i.e. an activity of open browsing for anything that awakens the person’s interest. That means that the people in the study are not just looking for certain things – they are also seeking to come to terms with what they are actually looking for. Ideals of what is beautiful, useful and reasonable materialise in conjunction with the experience of what is available and what is absent or out of reach. It is suggested that this mode of looking for goods is not only about purchase deliberations, but more importantly is a specific way of interacting with the world and making places meaningful. It can be viewed as a way of creating and moderating anticipation, and thereby cultivating affect. Searching for things thus becomes an experiential horizon.

Part I: “Searching and Space” deals with how searching for something becomes a specific way of engaging with the physical surroundings. The landscape becomes a taskscape, i.e. an array of physical structures linked together by a set of related activities. Part II, “Discoveries and Rubbish” explores how the activities of searching charges objects with qualities. Through two different environments, searching is analysed as a way of elevating things from the status of rubbish to one of discovery. Part III: “From the Horizon of Finding” focuses on how the searchers’ aims are transformed when they encounter the objects that really exist.


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