Robert Orben, King of Komedy


Patter Parade by Robert Orben, originally uploaded by El Grande Mono.

I found these awesome little books while rooting around at Hub’s Place in Ithaca last fall. I've scanned in parts of two of them - Patter Parade (published in 1947) and Flip Lines (published in 1952). The books have page after page of jokes, gags, and come-backs for professional comedians speakers, and magicians. I bought them thinking of Sara and her love of corny jokes but have never got around to sending them out to her. I just re-discovered them as we’re sifting through our junk for the move.

The author, Robert Orben, wrote them, and dozens of other books like them. Mr. Orben is a long-time professional comedy writer who has written for all sorts of famous comedians. These are genuine, old-school jokes and gags from a guy who must have created hundreds of thousands of jokes in his lifetime. He wrote Jack Paar’s monologues for the old Tonight Show and helped write speeches for Nixon & Ford. If you can believe it, in1963 or 1964, every day he was sending a page of jokes to Dick Gregory (social activist/comedian) – AND a page jokes to Barry Goldwater (arch-conservative). Here's a great interview with him from 2004 where he talks about his carer, writing jokes and speeches, and comedy.

I've put some of my favorite lines below, but my favorite overall is the entire routine titled "My second impression of an evening with a push button radio."

Dancer:

• She claims she has talent in her blood. She must have lousy circulation because it hasn’t reached her feet yet.

No Laughs:

• You keep acting like this and I won’t tell you the funny stuff.

Beautiful Girls:

• One day she so got drunk she found herself in a strange apartment – hers.

• The story of her success can be told in one word – yes.

Restaurant:

• I won’t say what the food was like but even the mice ate out.

Hospital Daze:

• One day I was feeling so bad I sent my wife out to get for something for my liver…and she came back with a pound of onions!

Crime doesn’t pay but the hours sure are good!

• He was so crooked that even that wool he pulled over your eyes was 50% cotton.

• He finally passed away during a poker game. Died of a rare disease called five aces. Left a wife, three kids, and six cops without support.