BREAKING NEWS: Poetry might not totally suck.

Last night was "Art Show and Portfolio Night" at Schecky's school.

It's a chance for the kids to show off the art projects they've been working on all year, as well as an opportunity for the parents to see how the kids' academic work has progressed since the beginning of the year.

Scheck's teacher had each child write a "Spring Time Poem" for the event.

There were many, many, many shiny happy poems about bunnies, and flowers, and sunshine.

And then there was Schecky's*...

Sneak Peek at the trailer for the new Batman movie

While they may be great at the yo-yo and eating hot dogs, our friends across the Pacific apparently do not spend a lot of time at petting zoos:

Thousands of people have been 'fleeced' into buying neatly coiffured lambs they thought were poodles.

Entire flocks of lambs were shipped over from the UK and Australia to Japan by an internet company and marketed as the latest 'must have' accessory.

But the scam was only spotted after a leading Japanese actress said her 'poodle' didn't bark and refused to eat dog food.

Attention all you single ladies - I've heard through the grapevine that unknowingly dating gay men has become a near epidemic. In the interests of your future hetero-happiness I have discovered a list of clues that you can use next time you're thinking about getting serious with that funny and stylish young man you've been dating. I know what some of you are thinking, but since I moved away from Ithaca I display far fewer of these suspicious qualities.

• If sexual activity steeply declines within the first few years of marriage.
• You're always more sexually aggressive than your husband.
• If your husband is turned off by the thought of touching your vaginal area or performing oral sex on you.
• If his best friend is gay.
• If he hangs out in gay bars.
• If he enjoys watching gay porn movies and surfing gay porn Web sites.
• If he is excessively homophobic, mocking and imitating other gay men.
• If he brags about gay men complimenting him on his looks.

That's President Deuchebag to you

The Man is fully confident in his awesomeness to freely admit that he is blogging at a Starbucks right now.

Is there anything they can't do?

First Hot Dog eating contests, now the yo-yo...is anyone safe?

They sleep 18 hours a day and party 24.

BREAKING NEWS: New cat in neighborhood mercilessly taunts Droolsy.

Just in case you are interested in what accoutrements go along with my high powered executive lifestyle, the pictures below are from The Man's actual workspace yesterday where most of the 10 interviews took place. And yes, that's the coffee that smelled like deli slices.

The man has had a very busy day. 10 interviews and then data entry for all of them. I'm going to sleep but will have to catch up tomorrow, which won't extra extra horrible because I'll only have to input 4 left over from today and 4 from tomorrow. Awesome!

Let me tell you, it was so great being back in academia today. My current client is a small private university and I was on campus all day today talking with deans and faculty members. The faculty members were especially enlightening - "That's very interesting Dr. [name], I had no idea how important [insert their academic department] is to the university and how vital funding for [insert their meaningless research] is to the future of the school." I don't know what I enjoyed the most, hearing about life-or-death battles for space in the academic buildings or the heartbreaking tale of one faculty member believes that being he does not have to give to the capital campaign because he is already doing his part in the fundraising battle by being a good teacher and making students feel warm thoughts about the university, which will eventually develop into the nostalgic feelings that motivate graduates to become donors to the university. You know, it probably was the guy who just happened to mention that he was at UNC-Chapel Hill before taking his current position - I was so impressed that I totally forgot that he was teaching a 4-4 course load at the rinky-dink school he's at right now.

H.M.S. Pimpawhore

hey all, I'm in an office waiting for my next appointment. have coffee pot from their office. coffee smells like turkey slices from the deli. both offputting and attractive at same time. will write more later.

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

I thought it would be worth at least enough to get a six-pack.

I wish my dad would open up to me.

I want to give a shout out to my new homeboy or girl in South Jordan, Utah.

DATELINE: The 'Burgh

I've been busy tonight, entering in the info from the last few days of interviews while going through some episodes of Dexter. It's not as high quality as Six Feet Under but it is interesting. I do like the fella who plays Dexter (he also played the gay brother on Six Feet Under). He's hella creepy. After the last episode ended a few minutes ago I flipped to CNN to see the end of a report about the Virginia Tech killer's family in S. Korea. The ever intrepid (and dreamy) Anderson Cooper tracked down that crazy dude's great aunt and she dished some family dirt. While sitting in her apartment, the 85 year old woman talked about how everybody knew the killer was nuts even when he was a little kid in S. Korea, before his family moved to the US. She said that she knew the kid had problems because he never talked to anyone, and said that whenever she talked to his parents after they moved to the states they were worried about him. My favorite quote was "I knew he had problems but I never thought he would cause a problem...the idiot". Harsh words indeed.

Anyhooters, I've been bumping around town doing my thang, interviewing big shots and taking no prisoners. It's been nice being in town and having the opportunity to run around downtown. The pictures below are from my Pittsburgh travels.














These pictures are the swanky views from a few of the offices I visited.

Say what you want about his policies, but he's made himself into a very capable public speaker.

He's actually pretty clear and concise in this speech.

Baby Rut!