Well, I am the worst blogger in the world. I decided to stop writing for a few days in December when I got really busy, then I got busier, then I went to Florida for Xmas, then I went to Dallas for a staff conference, and now in Germantown, MD about 1/2 hour north of DC.

I'm going to ease back into writing & it might take a week or so to get back into the swing of things. In the meantime, can you believe how much Beyonce looks like Zombie Beyonce here?

The difference is that mine go up to 11

We knew it was going to happen but it was shocking none the less. Through the magic of hormones our little Mr. Peaches is becoming a young man. It happened pretty quickly, where Adale saw him try to hump Mimi one day and then all of sudden the next he's an absolute terror. I haven't seen any of the humping incidents but I guess because he's so much smaller than Mimi he can't really get down to business & instead just climbs on her back. Anyway, he's been terrorizing both Mimi and Droolsy, chasing them around the apartment, pushing them away from the food bowl, bullying them, and generally letting them know that he's Tha Boss.

All good things must come to an end and we've made an appointment for Mr. Peaches to take care of his "problem". I know that it has to happen but I don't like to think about my little buddy going under the knife, let alone lose his huevos. So, to commemorate his final week I've installed a count-down clock to his surgery at Business n'at. I know we'll all be thinking about Mr. Peaches and I hope you all join me in wishing him a happy final week with his testicles .

I finally ended a horrible week writing a report and regular Business n'at reporting will resume tomorrow. In the meantime enjoy the trailer for what promises to be the greatest motion picture ever created by a human being, Machine Girl.

He's got a point, but what I really wanna know is what will Nietzsche do about all the Mexican invasion. I swear to god they are EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm So Proud

that SUNY Binghamton has been named one of the ugliest campuses in the US. It was named #8 and included with other SUNY campuses, but I think on it's own it could have broken the Top 3.

I'm also proud that the road from Ica to Ayacucho - the one I traveled via bus from Lima to Ayacucho where my archaeological projects were - has been named one of the most dangerous roads in all of Peru. While waiting at the bus station in Ayacucho for the night bus back to Lima I was talking to someone about how I would not want to drive through the mountains at night. The dude said, in all seriousness, "Don't worry, there are always two drivers who take turns and they smoke weed to keep themselves awake."

Chicago Recap: Tha Hotness

Though my time in Chi-Town was uneventful (no all night carousing with R&B bands, no Creationism museums) two very important events occurred. So important, in fact, that they rise to the level of "Tha Hotness"

• Tha Hotness #1: Volvo S60. I roll into the National Rental Car lot & what do I see in the Emerald Club Executive Row but a Volvo S60! Leather seats, sun roof, power everything, smooth ride with serious power and safety. I felt like a VIP! Later in the week at a mini-mart I told the check-out girl that, along with my jalapeño & cheese sausage dog, I pointed to the Volvo and said I also wanted to pay for my gas she said, "I heard you don't drive a Volvo, that a Volvo becomes part of you" and all I could say was "If you only knew."
  

• Tha Hotness #2: I interviewed a guy who owns a big farm where they, among other things, freeze dry the fruit that is appearing in so many different cereals nowadays. As I left our meeting he handed me 5 or 6 quart sized bags of freeze dried fruit including strawberries, apples, and raspberries. I am now experimenting with my own favorite cereals and creating exciting fruit laden hybrids.
  

FLASHBACK: Chicago suburbs

Most of the time I was driving around boring suburbs but every once in a while I came across something interesting.

Adale's dad really wants one of these flying santa & reindeer blowmold lawn ornament sets.

The King of Shawerma did prepare a mean shawerma.


Definitely the fanciest lawn motor store sign I've come across.

DATELINE: Pittsburgh, PA

The Man had a very busy last week and was unable to relay the excitement of his travels around the greater Chicagoland suburbs. Here are some key stats from the project:

• I drove 430 miles the first week and 487 the second.
• I ate 5 Quiznos sandwiches, 3 hot dogs/sausages, 2 pizzas, 7 bags of Baked Lays chips, and 14 twenty-five cent boxes of Lemonheads during my two weeks in Chicago.
• 1 interviewee tried to set me up with a friend/relative.

More details to come.

Business n'at Book Club, holiday edition

Click Here to See The Best Graphs Ever!

DATELINE: Some little town South of Chicago

A bike shop has this gorilla robot rigged up in their parking lot to attract customers.

DATELINE: Nashville, TN

I hope everybody has as great a Thanksgiving as we did here with Allison. Her friends are lots of fun & made us feel like part of the gang.

HEADLINES

- US has best year ever

- I finally understand what people mean when they say they gave something "the old college try"

- Sadly, my high school didn't even have a locker room

- If this is true how do you explain the sales of Steve Miller's Greatest Hits?

- I believe this, but I swear I can tell the difference between 7-11 and gas station hot dogs.

OFF TO NASHVILLE!!!

We're flying out to Nashville for the Thanksgiving holiday this morning. Adale & I are super super excited to spend several days with Allison, as well as having the opportunity to eat the Crunkest Fish in Nashville.

SAVE DUNGEONS & DRAGONS MAGAZINE!!


Dear Readers, please read the letter below, then click on the link & sign the petition to save Dumgeons & Dragons Magazine.


To: Wizards of the Coast

Wizards of the Coast, Inc.


P.O. Box 707


Renton, WA 98057





Dear Wizards,



We find your decision to cancel Paizo's publishing license to be a major mistake, despite how good an idea it must seem from your end. We feel that while your efforts may be enough for some people, more people will be turned off by the changes.



Also, with the new online format, it will be that much harder for newer gamers to get into the Dungeons and Dragons game. Whether you realize it or not, many people (including the author of this petition) were introduced to the game through the Dragon and Dungeon magazines. This lack of a monthly hard-copy magazine will detract from those who see this strange periodical, with it's beautiful artwork, and decide to delve deeper into the game.



We hope that you will consider our stance, and see that your current course, while done with the best intentions, is a faulty one.



Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Meals while in Chicago

I didn't really have time to get any good food while cruising the various Chicagoland suburbs. My Gyros below was probably the highlight, other than the massive deep dish pizza delivered to my hotel room.






The gyro wasn't too bad, actually. The combo included an enormous bag of fries as well. The inside of Mr. Gyros was spartan, and I ate my meal while watching Maury Povich. The cops behind me were laughing about the tragic people on the show waiting for their paternity tests. I'm not exactly sure why people go on there for the tests - is it easier to break the news that you fucked you boyfriend's dad & the kid you told the boyfriend is his is your is really his dad's? I guess if you thought he would beat the crap out of you it would.


Had to eat an Italian sausage in a mini-mart out in the farmlands SE of Chi-town. I should mention that Gas City, as it's called, was a very well stocked mini-mart.

BREAKING NEWS: Mr. Peaches is Still Cute!

BREAKING NEWS: Mr. Peaches is Still Cute!

DATELINE: Chi-Town

Hey All,

I'm wrapping up my last interviews today and will be flying back to Pittsburgh (yeah!!) this afternoon. Enjoy these pix & I'll write more this weekend.


From the bathroom in a suburban Chicago public library.

Rock on Bitches

CORRECTIVE: Paris Hilton Story

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

(11-13) 15:44 PST GAUHATI, India (AP) --

In a Nov. 13 story, The Associated Press incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India.

DATELINE: Tinley Park, IL

It's been a busy day and the rest of the week wont be any different. I do appreciate that the organization I'm working with has everything organized and under control.

Today was my first day of interviews meeting with a bunch of nice, elderly white folks. During my first meeting I had a nice cup of coffee and some tasty cookies that the lady said were made from Nancy Reagan's recipe. Very very tasty. My second meeting was with another nice couple. The wife was a little flirty with me but also said that she thought of me as one of her sons. Creepy. She also asked if I was married and said that she had a cute girl she wanted to set me up with. I don't know if accepting the deal would have meant that she got to watch.

Unfortunately the part of Chicago I'm working in is pretty new & I don't anticipate coming across any interesting sights.

When I got to the hotel Sunday night I was starving & ordered a stuffed pizza (aka deep dish pizza Chicago style) and holy crap was it a serious pizza. The pizza shop guy I placed my order with said that he was a big pizza eater and he could only eat 2 slices at a time, but I thought he was underestimating The Man's business traveler appetite & ordered a large. I had to use two hands to hold the pizza box because of the heft of the pie. The pizza shop was correct and I could only eat two slices, which means that I've had the pizza haunting me in the fridge. Monday the only food I ate was pizza (slices in total) and I felt like shit when I went to sleep. I've avoided the pizza today because I was away from the hotel all day. I feel conflicted because the pizza is really tasty and my innate cheapness is calling me to finish it off but I can't bring myself to eat another slice. I'm going to try to eat one for breakfast tomorrow but can't make any promises.

This is a split-screen between Britney's VMA performance and a practice run through of the choreography with another dancer standing in for Britney. Even with the professional dancer it's not very exciting.

Also, I must commend Allison, who truly is a Whiz, for her attempt at the Rock & Roll quiz and challenge the rest of you chumps to take the quiz.

Can you beat The Man's 41 correct answers ("Expert") on the Rolling Stone Almost Impossible Rock & Roll quiz? Bring it on & post your score!

DATELINE: US Airways Executive Lounge, Pittsburgh International Airport

Hey howdy dear readers,

I'm relaxing watching the Steelers game, drinking my free coffee & eating free Walker's Shortbread waiting for my flight in 1 hour. I'm off to a Southern suburb of Chicago for the week. The past week went pretty quickly but we did have some fun. We saw The Darjeeling Limited yesterday (it was pretty good...better than The Life Aquatic but not as good as The Royal Tenenbaums or Rushmore. It's funny how the hippy stoner character is Owen Wilson's thing.) and also went to the Handmade Arcade (hipster crafters).

I also picked up a recent JFK assassination book, Farewell to Justice, about Garrison's investigation (he was the main character in the JFK movie). I've only looked through a little of it but from what I have read I can't believe the author is a professor in the graduate writing program at Temple. It's disorganized and poorly written.

Anyhooters, y'all have fun and I'll try to post something Monday night. Chau!

From the Zombie Walk 2007, shot by Adale

Scholar, Businessman, Student of the Paranormal, Bowling Enthusiast, Raconteur...The Man is known for his many varied talents and accomplishments. I can now announce one more.......................

WORLD RECORD HOLDER!

Ten days ago I accomplished one of my life-long dreams and am now a co-holder of a Guinness World Record as part of the 2007 Zombie Walk held at the Monroeville Mall in Monroeville, PA. It was one year ago that I wrote about my long-standing desire to be part of the Guinness Book of World Records. I didn't make it to the 2006 walk which set a record with 894 zombies and I have been thinking about how I blew my chance.

A few weeks ago I read that the It's Alive Show (a local Monster Chiller Theater tv show on Saturday nights) was going to try to break the record they set in 2006. You hear about people say that maybe once in your life you will stumble into the opportunity to shape history. Not everyone recognizes that opportunity and even fewer take it by the reins. I knew I had no choice but to step into history as one of the Undead.

With Adale's help I decided that I would be a business man zombie.


I even made Zombie Greg business cards that I handed out to the other zombies. My slogan was "Where your business is as important as your brains". After a little snack at home we headed out to the mall for the walk.


Over 1100 Zombies appeared for the walk, obliterating last year's record. Just a few weeks ago some people in Orlando tried to set a record but only got to 437 Zombies. Pittsburgh truly is the Zombie capitol of the world.

Waiting for the full contingent of the Undead Army to arrive.

Various Zombies out and about.

The Undead begin their world record setting shamble.

They're on the rampage!!


Brains!!!!!!!!!!!

Where's Zombie Waldo?

Fresh Brains!!


Who's that sharp looking Zombie who looks like he's ready to use teamwork and synergy to raise profitability to the corporation? Click and find out!

CHRISTMAS WISH LIST!

I know that all of you are starting to plan out your holiday shopping. The Man recognizes that he is difficult to shop for so I have compiled the following wish list to make things a little easier.

Ghost detector peripheral for cell phones

Happy Ending Robot

Vampire 2 Wingsuit for Skydiving

http://view.break.com/383267

Roulette Wheel Twankies

DATELINE: Germantown, MD

I'm having a little coffee, watching tv, and getting mentally prepared for a meeting this morning. This meeting is a prelude for a project here after the beginning of the New Year - we want to make sure the client can handle Teh Awesomeness of The Man. Lets hope they're prepared.

I will have to find a different hotel for when I come back. This Hampton Inn - typical hotel for my travel - but it's below my executive standards. Why?

1. No refrigerator to store my high powered business snacks and execu-fuel.
2. Room is too small for pacing and re-creating my deal closing skills.
3. Evening cookies at the front desk were over-cooked and hard

Howdy folks,

I am currently clawing my eyes out trying to start & finish a report. What this means is that there won't any new posts until Monday. Lo siento mucho pero asi es la vida. Cuidate y abrazos.

Dr. Flojo

DATELINE: More Dallas Food

Below is the heart of the fabulous breakfast buffet that fueled my days in Dallas. They did a good job with the bacon (not too crispy), the potatoes were tasty, and whom among us does not love sausage links?



Before driving to the airport to fly home I had a choice: go visit the Texas Theater where Lee Harvey Oswald was captured on the day of JFK's assassination or get some tasty brisket at Sonny Bryan's Smokehouse. The brisket won.




The dining room is pretty fun, consisting of a bench with elementary school desk tops for individual dining pleasure. The brisket was fabulous!

BREAKING NEWS: Gadget is Invented that I Do Not Want to Own

In an article exposing the fact that Major League Baseball teams get advance notice of when the supposedly random drug tests will take place, a doctor explains how with just a few hours notice a player could take steps to mask their drug use:

Advance notice of only a few hours could provide the opportunity for players to dilute their urine, use a masking agent or use a device that allows them to fill their bladders with drug-free urine.

I scour the Best Buy ads every week & read Gizmodo to make sure that I have critical, state-of-the-art knowledge on commercially available gadgetry, but I've never heard about this bladder-filling device. Although I do love exciting new gadgets I think I'll hold out for the Homersapien.