CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

I have an informational interview with this guy next week. Keep your fingers crossed!!!

JIMMY 2 (CHEW) IN REAL LIFE!

TRAPPED!

BREAKING NEWS: I caught the Hamster!!

We've had a free-range hamster coming into our house for a few weeks now. Adale first heard this crazy hissing in the kitchen & noticed that Mr. Peaches was very excited. After finding kitty food scattered near a missing baseboard, as well as a few rodent poops on the floor, we figured we had a mouse or rat. We set out mouse traps for a few nights but didn't catch anything.

I caught the first glimpse of the critter when I ran into the kitchen upon hearing the hissing. I expected to see a rat & was surprised to see a teddy bear hamster that bore a striking resemblance to my childhood pet hamster, Jimmy (maybe it wasn't that striking since hamsters only come in a few different colors.) The other morning Adale saw Jimmy 2, or Jimmy Chew, run across the dining room floor being chased by Mr. Peaches.

We live in a row house & some kid on the block must have had a pet hamster that got away. They don't live very long - 2 t0 3 years tops.

This morning I heard the hissing again & went into action. I dumped out the magazines from a wicker basket to use as a cage. To my luck Jimmy Chew was in the middle of the Kitchen being slapped around by Mr. Peaches. Did I mention that Mr. Peaches only slaps Jimmy Chew around? He has no killing instinct. He won't even bite the hamster. Pretty lame, right? Anyway, Jimmy Chew was in the middle of the kitchen ad I popped the basket over him. I had to put a case of beer on top of the basket because Mr. Peaches was pushing it around, trying to get at Jimmy Chew.

And that's where we stand at the moment. Adale & I are on the couch drinking coffee and Jimmy Chew is trapped in the kitchen, nibbling on the kitty food I gave him. We're debating what to do with the little guy. Options are

1. let return to his free-range life in the walls of our house
2. ask around to find out which neighbor lost a hamster
3. devote my life to building the greatest hamster cage ever known to mankind
   

I'm leaning toward option 3, but I haven't mentioned it to Adale yet.

Fast forward to 4:25 and listen through to 4:35. Obama is talking about his & McCain's differences about meeting with foreign leaders. Last week McCain had an interview with a latino radio station form Miami and was asked if he would meet with the PM of Spain - McCain gave a confused answer but the next day his campaign manager said that McCain was saying that he wouldn't meet with him. At 4:30 - 4:32, if you turn the volume up, you can hear McCain muttering "horseshit" twice under his breath.

watched the debate but am disappointed that a slap fight didn't break out. No mention of the UFO threat by either candidate - When will they demonstrate executive leadership for the most pressing issue of the day? Sticking your head in the sand won't make our Martian overlords any less eager to enslave and farm out the human race.

Feel smarter in 1 1/2 minutes



Works faster than ginkgo-biloba!

DATELINE: Cape May, Sept 14 9:45 pm

Mood - very very excited.
Cheese fries + bacon strips + crumbled bacon + ranch dressing on the plate =
the most beautiful sight in the world



DATELINE: Cape May, Sept 14 10:17 pm


Mood - flat affect, dazed
Cheese fries + bacon strips + crumbled bacon + ranch dressing in our bellies =
deep and immediate regret + intense nausea

WEDDING EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!

The Vows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bern laughs (she's not choking). The fellow with the long hair & beard to the
right is Kristen's dad with his wife

lovely baskets for the flower girls, courtesy of Adale

cupcake tower!!

Bern's sister, Kristen, Bern, Bern's brother, Bern's two little nieces

Today is Kristen's wedding!!! We had dinner last night with her family - all really nice - and now we're off to Michaels to buy a few last things for the wedding. I'll post pictures tomorrow. Adios!!

BREAKING NEWS: Greg is a Fugitive!

Through work I can buy a discount train pass if I go through a certain website. This might be surprising to many of you, especially those who recognize my preternatural business sense & laser-like focus, but I bought the wrong the wrong pass. I thought that since the website knew where I lived & where I worked that I would only be allowed to buy the right pass. Whoops.

The first week I had no problems & the train guys never questioned my pass, but last week a train guy cheerfully explained that I would owe $3.50 each way, every day, because I bought the wrong pass. $7 extra per day because I need to go one stop further than allowed by my pass.

They won't let me trade up for the right pass, even if I pay the difference (way less than $7 per day). So I have no choice. They are forcing me to become a fugitive & ride the rails as an outlaw. Now I have to constantly keep my eyes on the train guys, always knowing where they are & whether they are asking for tickets/passes. Some days they never ask, but you never know.

I've devised a plan to avoid the train guy who first asked me for $$ & identified my less-than-desirable pass by waiting between where the doors of the train will be & waiting for the few seconds when the train guys step off the train when it comes to a complete stop. This allows me to choose the car without the hardass train guy. This plan isn't perfect because while the hardass train guy likely will always ask me for money, any of the other train guys could do the same.

You can never tell what will happen. One particular train guy saw my pass & asked me for $3.50 last week, but then has not asked for money the following times he has seen my pass. I use my thumb to hide the most tell-tale marking on my pass but this is also imperfect because my pass has a slight but noticeably different background from the correct pass.

Today was exciting as I realized that one of the train guys recognizes me from my daily commute - a minor level of trust that I can exploit to my advantage. On the way home I had to stand in the aisle because the seats were full. When my new buddy was walking down the aisle asking for tickets & passes I began to reach into my pocket for my wallet, where my pass is located. He saw this and said something to the effect of "don't worry about it buddy." I made a mental note to always have both my hands full in the hopes that my new friend wouldn't want to inconvenience me with having to juggle my possessions in order to get out my pass. Pray for me that I can make it until my new correct pass arrives for October.

DATELINE: Big Blue

We're headed off to Cape May NJ for a wedding this weekend so there won't be any more posts until Monday night, at least. Talk to y'all later.

KARL ROVE IS AWESOME!

at keeping a straight face

IMPORTANT INFORMATION: My daily schedule

6:30 am alarm goes off

6:40 get out of bed & take a shower

6:52 get out of shower, dry off, go into office & turn on iron

6:58 shave & fix hair

7:08 iron shirt and or shirt if necessary & get dressed

7:20 go downstairs & eat breakfast, most likely Frosted Flakes

7:25 add music or radio show to phone for listening on way to work

7:42 leave house for train

7:52 arrive at train stop

7:58 board train

8:16 arrive at train stop for University X

8:17 try not to be obvious or creepy while ogling co-eds on walk to office

8:28 buy donut at 7/11 four doors down from my office

8:35 arrive at my cubicle

8:36 turn on computer, grab my coffee mug & water glass and go to break room

8:38 make cup of coffee & fill up glass of ice water

8:41 return to cubicle and chat with colleagues to reinforce important anti-management bond

8:47 finish donut and curse my decision not to buy two donuts

9:00 read NY Times & Wall Street Journal online looking for articles relevant to the university

9:40 begin looking for rich alumni who haven’t been connected with the school post-graduation by looking through corporate SEC filings

11:00 check internet to make sure bigfoot has not been captured, watch video if he was

11:10 eat gluten free snack bar

11:15 begin bios & financial profiles on the 4 alumni I identified earlier

12:30 go to break room & microwave Trader Joe’s pad thai bowl for lunch

1:15 back to the cubicle to work

3:00 finish bio/financial profiles & email them to co-worker to look over before I email them to appropriate deans

3:15 start looking for more rich alumni

3:45 read political blogs & use my anger about the a-hole republicans to fuel my last 75 minutes of work

4:15 finish one last bio/profile & send out for editing

4:15- 4:50 create list of possible prospects for profiling tomorrow

4:55 change from business shoes to walking shoes

5:00 say goodbye to everyone & leave for train stop

5:18 try not to be obvious or creepy while ogling co-eds on walk to train

5:17 catch #7 train home

5:33 arrive at my stop & walk home

5:45 arrive at home to find Mr. Peaches in the window & Adale on the couch, eagerly awaiting my arrival. Mimi doesn't care that I'm home, however.

5:46 - 12:00 fun & relaxation

Not necessarily a bad thing, however

Check this shit out!!

God damn I wish my office had one of these. This is way better than the hot dog vending machine at DFW. I had been feeling pretty good about my office situation - the close proximity to a full service 7-11, a veritable cornucopia of food trucks throughout campus, and I don't have to mention the newspaper reading assignment, so I? But, a pizza vending machine would be a dream. I love me some frozen pizza and I do believe last June's Harvard Business Review that a 10% increase in airborne pizza molecules creates a synergistic effect, raising productivity along with lowering worker's desire for equitable compensation.

Whom among us does not enjoy Christian Ska?

When I got up for work last Thursday I thought, "Greg, you deserve a donut today. Wouldn't it be great if some angel descended from the heavens and brought donuts to work?" Lo and behold, what did I see when I got to the breakroom?


That's right - 24 delicious donuts free for the taking! I was so freamin' excited! The weekend was shaping up to be wonderful with free donuts on Thursday and then Allison coming to town Friday night.


So I made a cup of coffee, grabbed a donut, and headed to my desk to start the day off right. I don't have to tell my fellow office workers that 6 of the greatest words in the English language are "free donuts in the break room", perhaps second only to "boss is paying for happy hour."
Even the mini-greggytron-3000 can detect the excitement in the air.

I know you, my dear readers, have excellent powers of observation & are wondering why I had a vanilla-iced donut and not my favorite, the chocolate-iced donut. I did eat a chocolate one in the break room but decided to leave the last remaining chocolate donut in the box for my co-workers (you never know who's watching, ready to snitch you out for being greedy) and take the vanilla one to my desk. This is one of the countless instances throughout the day where a working knowledge of Game Theory is critical to success in the office environment.