BREAKING NEWS: Gadget is Invented that I Do Not Want to Own

In an article exposing the fact that Major League Baseball teams get advance notice of when the supposedly random drug tests will take place, a doctor explains how with just a few hours notice a player could take steps to mask their drug use:

Advance notice of only a few hours could provide the opportunity for players to dilute their urine, use a masking agent or use a device that allows them to fill their bladders with drug-free urine.

I scour the Best Buy ads every week & read Gizmodo to make sure that I have critical, state-of-the-art knowledge on commercially available gadgetry, but I've never heard about this bladder-filling device. Although I do love exciting new gadgets I think I'll hold out for the Homersapien.

BREAKING NEWS: Solution to Dehli's monkey problem has one slight problem...

A few days ago I posted about the monkey problem in Dehli & how a local politician was killed when a band of monkeys threw him off the balcony. One solution has been suggested but I think it's not going out work out as well as expected:

One approach has been to train bands of larger, more ferocious langur monkeys to go after the smaller groups of Rhesus macaques.

DATELINE: Saturday part 3 - Dallas, TX

I chilled a bit at the hotel before heading out to see the Old 97's Saturday night (I decided to stay in Dallas over the weekend because they were playing). I tell you what, before the show I hit a hot dog place that had the best hot dog I've eaten in a long time. Big D's Dogs on Greenville ave has the goods allright. Their secret?

• they use potato buns
• they grill the buns for smoky goodness

• crushed Fritos are available as a topping

• you can get the dog "country style", meaning that the bun is deep friend. The gal behind the counter said this gives the bun a donut texture.
  

The show was a benefit for a local musician who was killed a few weeks before & a lo of band played on the bill. The Drams rocked pretty hard. The Old 97's were pretty good but at times seemed a bit distracted. I don't know what was up, if it was the emotion of the night or what but they seemed to be straining through a few songs. They played a new song off of the record they're currently working on & it makes me excited for when the record comes out.

DATELINE: Saturday part 2 - Glen Rose, TX

The reason why footprints are such a big deal at the Creation Evidence Museum is that the limestone bedrock in the area has preserved lots of actual dinosaur footprints. After visiting the museum I went about 2 miles down the road to Dinosaur State Park. I didn't have a lot of time but was able to see a few footprints, which was pretty darn cool.


Here's the park. It looked like it would be a nice river to float around in.

Indiana G crossing the raging rapids.

Kudos to the Parks Dept for rounding up two live dinosaurs for educational purposes. I'm not sure, though, if those fences will keep them in on the off chance they get a little rowdy.

DATELINE: Saturday part 1 - Glen Rose, TX

All week I couldn't stop thinking about my trip to the Creation Evidence Museum in Glen Rose, TX and when I finally got there it did not disappoint. The museum is dedicated to proving scientifically that Evolution is false, that God created everything just as it says in the Book of Genesis on roughly the same time line worked out by Usher (with a few alterations) - meaning just a matter of a few thousand years. I called ahead to make sure that it was open but only got their answering machine. Because the trip was so important I drove the 90 miles out there on the off chance it was open, and as I drove out I thought if it was open there would only be a few people at most visiting.

As I turned the bend and first saw the museum I realized that it was packed! Three church vans and maybe five cars were parked outside the museum (the museum being one double wide trailer with another trailer attached for storage & administration). When I opened the door I could barely get inside because it was stuffed wall-to-wall with people standing, sitting on chairs & on the floor watching a video describing the research of the museum's founder (the website is currently down but when it comes back up I'll link to it and the pages with the founder's diploma mill "dissertation", which I highly recommend to all crackpot lovers).

Look at all of them! There were people from 8 to 65 years old. Most people came in the church vans and at first I figured many of them were dragged along as part of some program they couldn't get out of, but the longer I as there the more I realized for the most part they all were excited about being there. They were glued to the tv's watching the video and couldn't stop talking about it after it ended.

The video detailed the research of Dr. Carl & how he's proven that dinosaurs lived with people, the earth was really created in 7 actual days, and that evolution is a scam. I'll have to look online for the video because it's a lot of fun.

The cast above is from the catalyst for the museum being located in Glen Rose in the first place. It's a cast from the famous "dinosaur and human footprint", claiming to prove the co-existence of the two through the discovery of this print where a human stepped in a muddy dinosaur footprint before the mud solidified into limestone. It pretty famous among creationists - find any book arguing against evolution & they'll talk about it. I had read about this print years & years ago and was really excited to finally see it in person, and I have to admit that I was a little disappointed they only had a cast on exhibit.


I outlined the footprints because they're a little hard to make out in the photo.


Here's another fossilized footprint. According to mainstream geologic theory, limestone like this formed millions of years ago - way before people were around, so therefore evolution is a scam. The foot looks suspiciously like the "hang 10" surf t-shirt design but I haven't worked out the implications of that connection.

More human and dino footprints together.


Replica of a stone hammer found inside a rock. I was pissed that the gift shop was out of these.

In this tank the good Dr. Carl is replicating the "pre-flood" environment to prove that it was that environment that caused dinosaurs and other creatures to grow so big. He also is proving the longevity described in the Bible. They stuck a snake inside & it grew 3X bigger and lived longer than norma. They do believe they can grow dinosaurs inside it but don't explain where they will get live dinosaurs to stick in the tube. Dr. Carl also juiced the fish tank below with a pre-flood electro-magnetic field and their piranha grew really big and fat.


This big tank was outside of the main museum. Apparently they are conducting an important experiment. I couldn't figure out exactly what they were doing but I bet it involves some combination of dinosaurs, people, and footprints.

I was floored when people in their late 20's and early 30's came into the museum of their own volition because they believe evolution is the devil's work. Totally fucking weird. The people who ran the museum were very nice and excited to explain all the different things they had to me. I didn't out myself as an archaeologist or burst any of their bubbles - my goal was to get the "believer" experience. As the cross eyed, overall wearing dude (no lie) behind the counter said, "This is the only place that's telling the truth and proving that God is all powerful."

DATELINE: Pittsburgh, PA

Man it's good to be back home. I was very pleased to find out that Mr. Peaches is still kitten sized - my had been that I would return to a full grown Mr. Peaches but he's still little.

The last week in Dallas was pretty busy. The client had me scheduled for lots of interviews and my slacking over the previous weekend caught up to me. I had some fun times over the weekend in Dallas, visiting both the Creation Evidence Museum in Glen Falls and Dinosaur State Park, eating a great hot dog, and seeing the Old 97's, all on Saturday...my excursion with the dudes from the neo-soul band technically ended on Saturday morning too, so all in all it was a jam packed day. I'm looking for the gadget I use to transfer pictures from my phone to the computer & will put up some fun ones when I get that straightened out.

Check back tomorrow morning and I should have pictures up, including the most exciting zombie news ever published on Business n'at. Until then I'm working on entering in interviews into the database.

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY
BUSINESS N'AT!!!

That's right Dear Readers, it was one year ago today that I launched the Business n'at media empire. It's been a wild ride and together we've learned a lot, cried a little, saw some old friends and made some new ones. This job involves long days but I do get to try exotic cuisines now and then, and being a frequent business traveler does have it's perks.

I'm back in the 'Burgh tomorrow and will be working on the annual report. I can't believe I've been fucking around with this for a whole year. I really happy that my buds are still stopping by to look at whatever crap I manage to put up. Thanks dudes!

Graffiti in Deep Ellum, Dallas, TX

BREAKING NEWS: Senator Larry Craig is a Top!

Y'all know Larry Craig, right? The Republican Senator who tried to get a little hot under-the-stall action? That's him below.

The fine piece of man meat below says that 20 years ago he picked up Sen. Craig and lo and behold, the Senator is a top! I thought Mary had bottom written all over his face

One night, Phillips continues, “I followed [Craig] from The Follies to a Capitol Hill neighborhood, parking on the street no telling how far from his house. We walked up the alley and through the back door of a house, with him repeating several times, ‘You were never here. You don’t know me. Right?’ and me responding, ‘Right!’ in boyish submission. As we tiptoed from the back door to the stairs to the upper floor, as if somebody else was home, he turned to grope my crotch and brush my face with his hand.” The house’s decor led Phillips to believe that this was a married man: “The bric-a-brac with family pictures didn’t scream ‘old queen’ to me; it announced a woman’s influence. Still, we made our way upstairs.

“When we got to what reminded me of a rarely used guest room, he stripped me down, and the man’s hands and mouth were all over me. He kept his pants on, though, while laying me back on the bed to suck my cock. Then, he stripped naked and asked me to suck him. I complied for a while, then he disappeared and returned with lube and a condom to fuck me me with. It was a clumsy and unremarkable fuck, except that I wasn’t clean and he was frantic about not getting my shit on anything. Still, he blew his load, ripped the dirty condom off and ordered me to get dressed without wiping myself. He hurried me to the back door, again ranting, ‘You were never here. You don’t know me. Right?’”

BREAKING NEWS: Everyone Gets a Free Taco!

Because someone stole a base in the World Series game tonight, everyone in the US of A will get a free taco on Oct. 30 between 2 and 5 pm.

If anyone has an idea of how this is done I would love to hear it.

Hey all,

I'll be posting some of my Dallas Fun Time pictures late afternoon. These past weekdays have been pretty uneventful. I've been making a bunch of calls during the day, watching Law & Order while typing into the database, and sneakin out fo the occasional Subway or Taco platter.

BREAKING NEWS: Life is good!

New Steelers Fight Song!

BREAKING NEWS: Chuck Norris Reveals his Endorsement for President


This is for real, yo - he wants Mike Huckabee to be Prez!

I advise waiting to hear from Don "The Dragon" Wilson before making up your minds.

More evidence that my dream of monkey ownership is flawed:

The mayor of the Indian capital said that authorities could not deal with the scourge of violent monkeys, blamed for the death of a top city official over the weekend.

DATELINE: Dallas, TX

I' m pretty busy today and probably won't be able to post anything until late tonight.

She does have a great platform on the importance of reading, however.


Beauty Pageant Star Wars Trumpet - Watch more free videos

DATELINE: Dallas, TX 3:46 AM

Right, so I planned to chillax in my room tonight & watch Soylent Green. The idea was to rest up for my big day tomorrow at the Creation Evidence Museum Saturday. When I went down to get some papers out of my car at around 9pm I bumped into this drunk guy with dreadlocks who was kind of chatty. I found out he was in a neo-soul band playing Saturday night in Dallas & since I had nothing else to do we talked for a bit. He said that he had toured for three months opening for Erica Badu & wanted to go to her club in Dallas but didn't know where it was. After parting ways I went back to my room and found out the address, and then went back down to tell him where it was (it's close to the school I've been working for on this project). He got excited & said that he was going to go. I decided that this would be more interesting than Soylent Green & said I was going to but needed to go upstairs and put on my shoes. When I returned to the lobby two other dudes in the band were ready to go & wanted to roll immediately without the dreadlock guy because he was pretty fucked up, so we jumped in a cab and headed out. Unfortunately the club was closed (weird) but on of the guys said a friend of his as playing at another club downtown so we went to check it out. That club was also closed and we were a bit discouraged because there's not much in downtown Dallas. Luckily one of the guys started talking to a security guard, asking him where we should go & he said he was getting off work and would take us to Deep Ellum (where there are a bunch of clubs).

After the security guard dropped us off we began walking around Deep Ellum looking for somewhere to go - the guys had the goal of finding a place where they could find girls who would 1) give us a ride back to the hotel and 2) have sex with them once we got back to the hotel. Though that seemed like a tall order I decided to support their plan.

Deep Ellum was totally dead. Lots of bars & clubs that were empty along with abandoned store fronts. When I lived in Dallas & worked in Deep Ellum the place was really hopping on the weekend but not now. We did stop at a club with a live band backing a bunch of rappers and the drummer got on stage and played with them for a few songs, but we left and walked around for another 1/2 hour before returning to the bar to have a few beers. One reason we went back in was that a girl at the club had locked her keys in her car & the drummer thought if could open her car she would give us a ride home. He did try to get it open to no avail & finally realized that even if he got it open she wouldn't have had any room to drive the three us of anywhere.

I'm too tired to relay the rest of the story and will give y'all part two later, but in short we ended meeting some people street who to us to their house where we partied & played foosball. Chau.

Balls? Why, I don't mind if I do!

Some crazy scientists hooked up some men & women to an eye-tracking camera and asked them to find a picture of baseball player George Brett on a web page. Both sexes concentrated on his face, but one also concentrated on the Hall of Famer's crotch. Guess who?

Interestingly they found the same results when looking at dogs on the American Kennel Club's website.

Best spam email subject line received in past 7 days:

I just got off your mom now get on mine

Maybe I've found a new hobby to pass the time on the road

I also have exciting Zombie news coming up later in the week...maybe the most exciting Zombie I have ever reported on this blog.

BREAKING NEWS:

Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas is re-released in 3D!

DATELINE: BBQ Capital of the World, TX

Unfortunately Little Bob is now smoking brisket at the big round-up in the sky.

DATELINE: Memory Lane, TX

Monday night I drove over to a neighborhood I used to frequent while living in Dallas (Lower Greenville) and visited some old haunts. It's been awhile, maybe 10-12 years, but I managed to remember where places were.

Ships is a total dive and I found it chock full of the same degenerate alcoholics I remembered. This is also where my miserable ex-wife and I had our first date.


Milos Char Bar is a great place that somehow has survived the re-development in the neighborhood. I had planned on getting myself a fabulous dinner but couldn't resist the Hickory Burger at Milo's. When the burger showed up I unwrapped the wax paper and immediately remember the smell of the hickory sauce. Adale made fun of me that I can't remember anything important but did remember the hickory sauce but she would understand if she had ever tasted one of those burgers.




I bet Carrie wishes the burger picture was scratch'n'sniff.

I bought a bong here. Probably some screens too.

I also stopped at the Winedale Tavern, another dump I used to hang out at. Good times.

Passion of the Benny Hill

Border Patrol + Yakety Sax

Doris Lessing finds out she just won the Nobel Prize for Literature

CHICAGO: Outtakes and deleted scenes.

Driving to the airport to fly back to Pittsburgh at the end of my short trip to Chicago last week I was really hungry and had to stop at a mini-mart for a chili-cheese dog. I did not feel very good after eating it.


Here is the aforementioned celebratory Wolfgang Puck spicy chicken pizza & beer.

BREAKING NEWS: FOX HAS CANCELED ALL BUFFY SING-ALONGS!

Allison may have attended one of the last legal Once More With Feeling sing-alongs. What a bunch of dicks.

Does anyone know a free program to take snapshots of webpages? The ones I've found are crappy (IE or Firefox).

DATELINE: Dallas, TX

I'm finally back in the game! Today is the first day of the project and it's been a little crazy.

1. Hotel internet has a filter that blocks out tons of shit, including youtube, facebook, craigslist rant n' rave. The blocked page says if I have a legit business nedd to go to the website I can email with a description of my need and my job/position to petition for access. ASSHOLES!
2. Internet is verrrrrrrrrrrry slow.
3. Toilet was clogged up & had to get maintenance guy to fix it.
4. First interview (via phone) was suspicious of me, didn't expect call & interview didn't happen.
5. Second interview rescheduled.
6. Couldn't meet with head of organization because of power outage.
7. Working situation less than desirable for other reasons.
8. It's raining like crazy.

Good news is that because of my Gold VIP status with Hilton I get free breakfast (I'm not at my usual Hampton Inn with the meager spread) which includes all the bacon, sausage, pancakes, waffles, and other goodies I can eat!

DATELINE: O'Hare airport, Chicago
My trip was a success & I'm celebrating with a Wolfgang Puck spicy chicken pizza and a beer. The wanted to meet me to see if they felt comfortable with me. As you rightly assume they were no match for The Man's business acumen and charm. The client is a pretty religious org & I had them eating out of my hand. They didn't even blink an eye when I told them I fear no one except the Great Cthulu. In addition to meetings & tours of their facilities we attended the Ladies Auxiliary Luncheon for their org. Even hymnals, swedish meatballs, and child singers couldn't tamp down my mojo.

I'm off to my flight home after I finish this beer. Chau.

J.J. Fad - Supersonic

I didn't know where Fergie's song came from.

PUSH IT FERGASONIC

Binghamton Update:

In case those of you who are former residents with Binghamton, Jewel of the Southern Tier, ever wonder what is going on there, these emails from the Anthropology Department will give y'all a little local flavor:

Subject: Building Stench Sent Date 09-27-2007 4:32:39 PM From Heidi Kenyon Reply-To Anthropology Graduate Students To ANTHGRAD@LISTSERV.BINGHAMTON.EDU

Everyone, I spoke to the building administrator (again!!) today about the unpleasant smell in the building. He hasn’t been able to find a source for it, so he is having Environmental Health & Safety send someone over tomorrow. We are aware of the issue (believe me!!) and I wanted you to know steps are being taken to resolve it. Thanks, Heidi Heidi Kenyon, Secretary Department of Anthropology & Linguistics Program Binghamton University PO Box 6000 Binghamton, NY 13902-6000 Science 1, Room 137 607-777-2737

From: andy merriwether [mailto:andym@binghamton.edu]
Sent: Friday, September 28, 2007 3:27 PM
To: Andym@binghamton.edu
Subject: Open House: National Alpaca Day

Please post this on the faculty and grad student lists for the department:

Saturday is National Alpaca Day, and Andy and Ann Merriwether of Nyala Farm Alpacas are having an open house from 10-5pm this saturday and sunday. All are welcome. You can see, feed, lead and pet soft wonderful alpacas. There will be activities for kids and adults, including felting, spinning, and leading alpacas through obstacle courses. We have a new cria (baby alpaca) that is less than 2 weeks old. Nyala Farm also features Wensleydale sheep, Jacob's sheep and Angora rabbits.

We are located at 104 Rockwell road in Vestal. Directions are available on the Southern Tier Alpaca Association web site http://www.southerntieralpacas.com/Home/ under the Member Farms Section (choose Nyala) then choose "directions"

http://www.southerntieralpacas.com/MapPage/NyalaFarmAlpacas.asp

All are welcome, hope to see you there.

I told you guys that National Alpaca Day was blowing up!

Hey all,

I'm getting ready for a quick trip to Chicago and probably won't be posting anything until Wednesday.

Joe was in for the weekend & we had a good time, although it went way too fast. I'll write more about the weekend later but I do want all you to know that none of us recommend Delta Farce.
Very disappointing in light of the hilarious Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector.

BREAKING NEWS: JESS DUMPED BRETT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Page Six is reporting that Jess & Brett are no longer together. After the show ended, Jess went back to Chicago and not long afterwards called Brett and broke it off with him, saying that she was dating someone else. I could have told Brett that she was not interested in him at all. Heather would never, ever have left Brett - even Big John couldn't get her fake, glitter encrusted claws out of Brett's hide.

Just think, after 11 months of work Business n'at is already worth $5.00! At this rate in a few years I can sell it & take everyone out to the pizza buffet to celebrate.

This website is worth
What is your website worth?

BREAKING NEWS: Brooke Hogan (Hulk's daughter) is a giant!

Funny, I'm not really surprised, especially after this headline a few years ago.

October 2, 2007 -- LOU Pearlman - the hog-fat, boy-band honcho who created *NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys and launched the careers of Justin Timberlake and Nick Carter - was a pervy pedophile who preyed on the young men he mentored, Vanity Fair reports.

"I would absolutely say the guy was a sexual predator. All the talent knew what Lou's game was," Steve Mooney, an aspiring singer who was Pearlman's assistant, told VF's Bryan Burrough. "Some guys joked about it. I remember [one singer] asking me, 'Have you let Lou [fellate] you yet?' "

Mooney said he once asked Pearlman, who was known as "Big Poppa," what it would take for him to get into a band. "I'll never forget this as long as I live. He leaned back in his chair, in his white terry cloth robe and white underwear, and spread his legs," Mooney told Burrough. "And then he said, and these were his exact words, 'You're a smart boy. Figure it out.' " Mooney added that a singer groped by Pearlman told him, "Look, if a guy wants to massage me, and I'm getting a million dollars for it, you just go along with it. It's the price you got to pay."

Phoenix Stone, an early member of the Backstreet Boys, tells Vanity Fair Pearlman was "definitely inappropriate" with Nick Carter. Nick's mom, Jane Carter, wouldn't get into specifics, but said, "Certain things happened and it almost destroyed our family. I tried to warn everyone. I tried to warn all the mothers . . . I tried to expose him for what he was years ago."

Tim Christofore, a member of Take 5, recalls that during a sleepover at Pearlman's house, the music czar swan-dived onto his and another boy's bed and wrestled with them wearing only in a towel, which came off. "We were like, 'Ooh, Lou, that's gross.' What did I know? I was 13," Christofore told Vanity Fair.

Rich Cronin, lead singer of LFO, recalled Pearlman told him of an "ancient massage technique that if I massage you and we bond in a certain way, it will strengthen your aura."

Pearlman, 53, is in a Florida jail awaiting trial on bank fraud charges. Prosecutors say he scammed more than 1,000 investors out of $315 million. He'd been a fugitive until June when he was busted in Indonesia, living under a fake name. His lawyer did not return calls from Page Six.

I think this is the most awesome play EVER!:

"Point Break LIVE!, the absurdist stage adaptation of the 1992 Keanu Reeves/Patrick Swayze extreme-sports blockbuster, tells the story of former college football star Johnny Utah (Reeves in the film), as he pursues the surfing, bankrobbing, skydiving, bare-hand-fighting, adrenaline junkie cum Zen Master, Bodhi Sattva. The Brechtian blockbuster, which garnered a "Seattle P-I Best of Seattle 2004" award during its run in the Northwest, features armed robbery, big-wave surfing, car chases, explosions, and no less than two extended skydiving sequences. Best of all, you could be the next Johnny Utah... the starring role of Keanu will be selected at random from the audience each night, and will read their entire script off of cue-cards. This method manages to capture the rawness of a Keanu Reeves performance, even from those who generally think themselves incapable of acting."

CAVEMEN

Star of GIECO Caveman makes fun of anti-evolution host

I am soooooooooooooooo excited for the Caveman show premiere tonight!

Old 97's

I'm going to go see the Old 97's in Dallas next month!!!

This past weekend was Rhonda's big birthday weekend. Adale & I went with Rhonda & Toby down to the Bloomfield Italian festival and had a fun afternoon among the guineas. We watched some old guys play a little bocce ball, saw lots of tasty food stands, and almost bought some great Italian pride t-shirts.

Last night John & Janet (Adale & Rhonda's parents) came to town for some birthday fun. The day was almost ruined when the wings I ordered from Fox's Pizza turned out to be spicy rather than the desired plain, but I saved the day by calling up Fox's and having them bring out the correct wing order. Earlier in the day John told me that he had a extra cake from making Rhonda's cake so he made me my very own special cake. He wouldn't tell me what the cake was so I was imagining some sort of obscene design, maybe a big cock.

He made Rhonda a really delicious coconut Igloo cake. It was one of the best cakes I've had - moist with tasty icing.

Rhonda & Janet getting excited about the pizza & wings

The cutting of the cake

And here's the special cake John made just for me...a boobie cake with cherry icing