casual fridays n'at

2009-05-28T06:37:00.005-04:00

Back from Pittsburgh

We had a relaxing time in Pittsburgh last weekend. I'll write a little more later, but after a night out at Adale's parents we stayed with her sister in the city. We had both forgotten how easy it is to get around there compared to Philly, and how much cleaner the city is. In addition to visiting our favorite restaurants & places we kayaked on the Allegheny right next to downtown.

The reason I'm not giving y'all more detail is because all I can think about right now is the news I received yesterday that our landlord is going to put our house on the market. I really don't want to move but it looks like that may happen. Fuck!!! Maybe we'll buy a house or maybe I'll always be home in my undies scratching my nuts when there's an open house to make sure nobody rents the place.

The pictures below are from near our friend Etta's house in Polish Hill (a neighborhood in Pittsburgh).

2009-05-22T06:30:00.001-04:00

BREAKING NEWS: New fad sweeps the nation

2009-05-21T09:00:00.002-04:00

Vacation Time!!

Hey all, we're heading out to the 'Burgh for vacation so I probably won't be posting anything until after Memorial Day. I don't want to risk any kielbasa juice dripping on on my keyboard. In the meantime you should check out Bigfoot's twitter page (I'm excited to see him embracing the new social media platforms.)

2009-05-19T00:04:00.000-04:00

I want to share my jams with you

2009-05-18T23:50:00.007-04:00

I thought this list of logos & analyses is pretty cool. They've got 25 clever logos with hidden tricky-bits, like the Fed-Ex logo below. Look at it for a few seconds...

Now look at the space between the "E" and the "X" and how it makes a forward pointing arrow, suggesting forward motion & speed.

This logo is for the Hartford Whalers hockey team. Check it out...

This has a triple whammy: the blue whale tail, a "H" in the negative space between the blue & green designs, and then a green "W". Smooth, right?

2009-05-17T20:35:00.001-04:00

Adale's jalapeno relleno tacos. How awesome an idea is it to put these mini-chile rellenos in a taco?

2009-05-17T19:46:00.002-04:00

Big Weekend!

Summer is almost here and we're ready for action. Without much effort or planning we managed to pack a ton of summer-time fun into the last few days. I really can't believe how nice this weekend was.

Happy hour with co-workers on Friday
Watched playoff basketball games on tv
Went to get tacos at Taqueria Veracruzana (chorizo for me, mini-chile relleno out of stuffed jalapenos for Adale)
Had no idea that the 9th Street Italian Market festival was going on (right next to the taqueria) and got to walk around there for a bit. The Paul Green School of Rock kids were performing at they were awesome & ended their set with Purple Rain. Here's a link of them playing California Uber Alles with Jello Biafra from a few years ago.
Planted sunflowers, dill, and other stuff with the neighbor kids (see picture below)
Went & got italian ice at the Trolley Car Diner a few block from the house
Planted 21 different herbs & vegetables in the back yard garden
Grilled up a bunch of vittles, including king oyster mushrooms (see picture below)
Drove by this house for sale in our neighborhood
Watched Ladies & Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains. Girls start a punk band movie with a Legend of Billie Jean feel - highly recommended.

Aaron (on right) and Quron are all about helping us garden (except Quron is a little scared of big worms)

Grilled asparagus, peppers, and king oyster mushrooms. Mmmmmm good!

2009-05-15T12:27:00.001-04:00

I'm meeting with my supervisor later today to see if I can take a 3-month leave of absence so I can teach Mr. Peaches how to play piano. Wish me luck!

2009-05-13T07:48:00.003-04:00

We finished digging out the "L" shaped garden bed and our little backyard is really starting to shape up. I took the video yesterday while we were mixing in some Bumper Crop soil amendment & waiting for the charcoals to heat up. We had our usual cornucopia of grilled items - marinated meat, peppers, onions, mushrooms, and tofu.

2009-05-11T23:22:00.002-04:00

I bought my brother a little camera made to clip onto your pet's collar & take pictures as they do their business. I got him to loan it to me last week & I started to play with it today. Below is a video I made with the first pictures I took with it - I had it on top of my computer monitor & set it to take one picture every minute. I put it on the kitty last night and learned two important things about using the pets-eye-camera: (1) kitty doesn't like wearing it & won't run around on his own accord when he is wearing it (2) you really need to watch kitty when he's wearing it because when he takes a drink of water he also dunks the camera in the water dish & that is not good for the device.

2009-04-24T09:08:00.002-04:00

Holy crap I can't believe how cute this thing is. If it wasn't for their razor sharp teeth, the poison they produce & mix with their saliva and use to coat their fur with for protection, the fact that babies separated from their parents are unable to clean themselves so their fur becomes caked with urine, feces and oily skin secretions, and that they mark its territory with urine constantly for it's entire life, I would be tickling my very own slow loris right now.

2009-04-22T23:40:00.002-04:00

Check out this Facebook message I got the other day:

Wow Greg, it's Been a long time My friend. How are ya? My Life has been totally crazy since we last spoke. Back in May of 1995 I was in Austin and I went to see you at your apartmant and you were not there. About twenty minutes later something happened that changed my life forever. I got busted with a gram of LSD. And my life changed for sure. I'll have to miss out most of the story for now, but at the present I live in the United Kingdom and I am married to a british woman , we have 2 boys. I have to go to work but hope to hear back from ya, see ya soon.

Totally fucking crazy, right? I was friends with this guy when I lived in Dallas - I remember him being a funny, crazy, genuine friend. He helped me move to Austin (including recruiting a friend & a family member, I think) in Jan 1995. In the craziness of the move I didn't get a hold of him right away after I moved. I always felt bad about that. I also always felt bad because I planned on buying him & the other guys dinner after they helped me move with the deposit refund from the rental truck, but the rental place wouldn't give me cash & insisted on sending a check. I didn't have any money so I couldn't even buy them a beer let alone dinner, so they just drove back to Dallas (200 miles). Anyway, I tried to get a hold of him later but couldn't find him. I can't believe he tried to visit me & got busted instead. I haven't heard the story from him about how he got busted. When I first read the message I felt guilty, but for no specific reason. I'm 99.9999% sure I didn't talk to him after I moved to Austin so I'm really sure I didn't ask him to bring acid down from Dallas. I'm sure I was in class or somewhere hiding from my then future-ex-wife. I checked his criminal record & can't tell if he served any time in jail. He was really close to his family, which makes me think he would only move to the UK to escape jail time. Beats me. It's weird to think that if I had been home when he stopped by we probably would have dropped a hit of acid, walked around the neighborhood & freaked out, slept it off, and then went for breakfast tacos the next day instead of him getting arrested.

2009-04-13T23:59:00.001-04:00

My Hero

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

2009-03-30T21:21:00.004-04:00

PAY ATTENTION: Everyone will find this interesting!

Before I let you know my results for the super-awesomeness test, there are a few things I should note. First, supposedly there is no such thing as a good or bad result. This suggests a strong correlation between higher levels of narcissism and awesomeness. Second, others typically see individuals who score high on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory as being egotistical and conceited - or in layman's terms, they're jealous. Third, the average score for the general population is 15.3, and the average score for celebrities is 17.8. The perfect score that all the smartest, best looking, most important people get is 20.

I scored a 20. Please note that this is 2.2 points higher than the average celebrity. Rather than seeing this as high on the narcissism scale, a more accurate and contextual interpretation points out that this score "suggests an admirable level of modesty in relation to the actual awesomeness of the test subject."

Principal component analysis of 1000+ tests has identified a general construct of narcissism comprised of seven components, listed below with my respective scores.

authority: 2/8

self-sufficiency: 3/6

superiority: 3/5

exhibitionism: 5/7

exploitativeness: 3/5

vanity: 1/3

entitlement: 3/6

I've got to get to sleep so y'all can chew on those until tomorrow.

2009-03-24T23:30:00.002-04:00

A FUN TEST FOR YOU

While relaxing in my cubicle earlier this week I took a fun little test called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, a 40 question test designed to measure features of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (based on the DSM-III clinical criteria) in the general population. Please understand that The Man does not typically have time for any sort of self-awareness foolishness. He barely has time to keep up with the local professional wrestling association's schedule (I'm going this weekend!), critical office gossip, or remembering to always speak in the third person. But also understand that there are time during every work day when even The Man cannot keep up the blazing productivity pace The Man tries to set for everyone on the team, and during those times must find respite in the bounty of the internets.

Will y'all take the test? Click on this link to go to a download link for a word doc with the test questions. After you take it, leave a comment & I'll post the key for scoring it & then I'll post my scores (and maybe I'll be able to talk Adale into letting me post hers too). In addition to an overall score, the test gives scores for different aspects of narcissism like authority and vanity, and we both thought it was relatively accurate.

I won't give away how I scored, but I'll give you a little hint: I have a blog where I write about my life.

Peace out, bitches

2009-03-23T21:01:00.000-04:00

The Hotness

2009-03-20T23:39:00.001-04:00

I'm just relaxing at home tonight...

2009-03-09T18:59:00.005-04:00

Man have things been busy. I've been meaning to post more often but most of my free time has involved re-thinking my long desire to own a monkey. Maybe one of those little ones that fit on your finger but nothing bigger. Especially after I read about the guy who was mauled to death by his liger while being pinned down by his pet ape. Thinking about the upcoming baseball season has helped a bit.

Adale has been a little obsessed with looking up genealogy info online & in turn I'm been somewhat obsessed myself. Adale's been doing a lot with ancestry.com & has found tons of family records in the short time she's working at it. One exciting discovery is that her last name is currently spelled differently than it was for her grandparents in the 1930 census, which is different than for those grandparents in the 1920 census.

I remembered that my great-grandfather on my mom's side had done a genealogy of his family, the Moons. You can read it here. It's pretty nutz. This castle here - William the Conquerer gave it to a relative for his support in the Battle of Hastings. That relative, William de Mohun (which later was bastardized to Moon), was married to Agnes de Gaunt. Agnes was a direct descendant of Charlemange, 8 generations removed (click here and search for agnes de gaunt). Totally crazy, right? The Mohun's kept the castle in the family until 1376, when it was sold to the Luttrell family. Those a-holes lived there until 1976. I remember 1976. I could have visited family there if they hadn't have sold it.

There are all sorts of fun little triva nuggets in the Moon book - relatives who hung out with Thomas Jefferson & James Madison, another who sailed with Sir Thomas Drake as Captain of his beloved ship Commander, and numerous slave holding plantation owners.

Anyhooters, I'm going to go grab a soda & watch Trailer Park Boys in HD.

2009-02-26T13:48:00.004-05:00

BREAKING NEWS: New Jersey must have been a wonderful place to grow up, right Joe?

2009-02-25T23:50:00.001-05:00

This reminds me of a trip Joe, Adale, and I took to a Chinease buffet in Binghamton

2009-02-25T23:39:00.000-05:00

BREAKING NEWS: I am consumed with raw glambition.

2009-02-18T17:58:00.002-05:00

I've seen a trailer for my new favorite movie. It will definitely make Kristen's Top 10 too. It's a Thai movie called "Chocolate" by the same guys who made Ong Bak, Thai Warrior (another totally awesome movie), and it's about an autistic girl who learns karate & muy thai boxing from watching tv. The tag line is "She's a special needs girl with a special need to kick ass!!"

2009-02-18T09:49:00.003-05:00

BREAKING NEWS: The economy is really bad

2009-02-16T23:31:00.010-05:00

MICROWAVE DELECTABLES with geezy

This week I'll be reviewing the Beef Portobello microwave meal from Eating Right. The packaging, including the green & white logo, gives a contemporary feel to an old classic. I was excited about eating "tender beef", roasted potatoes, and a yummy sauce for lunch. Just look at the box - just imagine what it would be like to have that waiting for you in the middle of the day.

Positivity

To be honest, there's not a lot to recommend in this lunch. The potatoes were not as soft as I thought they would be. The high salt content will activate certain taste centers in the brain, possibly triggering feelings of satisfaction, but I demand more of my $2.47 microwave lunches.

Liabilities

Broccoli. Putting aside my general aversion to naked broccoli, this dish illustrates the problem microwave lunches have reproducing edible broccoli. It turns out always turns out mushy, and you need way more sauce than Eating Right provides to be able to choke it down.
Surprisingly, the sauce was also a liability. If brown was a flavor, it would have been a winner, but alas, I was not down with this brizzzown. "Thick" and "salty' are the best, and only, two attributes of this hot brown mess.
My biggest disappointment with the lunch was the beef itself. After the sale price, 85% of my decision to purchase this Beef Portobello lunch was the presence of "tender beef", as promoted on the box. I was surprised that even though the beef was drenched in a thick, salty, brown sauce, it was dry and stringy. And that's fucked up.

The Verdict

I cannot in good faith recommend this meal. The deficiencies I've described above are self-evident. your favorite grocery store offers a dizzying array of microwavable meals, and there will always be one on sale that is more satisfying than Eating Right's Beef Portobello. Eating Right's meals can often be found on sale for around $2.50, and is among the pricier microwave meals that I purchase. To give you an example of what $2.50 per meal means, I can buy 5 Boneless Pork meals (my previous reviewed meal) for the price of 2 Beef Portobello meals. There's no contest. I give the Eating Right Beef Portobello meal 1/2 chocolate sprinkle donuts.

2009-02-12T00:08:00.003-05:00

BREAKING NEWS: Tragedy Strikes!

As most of you have heard, a horrible, unspeakable tragedy happened with Us Airways last week. One of their planes hit some birds, causing the engines to go out, and the pilot had to make a miraculous landing in the Hudson river.

The, the unimaginable occurred.

Us Airways gave all of those whiny, greedy, selfish passengers Chairman's Preferred Status for FREE for the next year!!! Are you f-ing kidding me? Only true road warriors are awarded this most prestigious preferred flyer level, which virtually guarantees First Class upgrades on every flight. You surely remember all the hell I went through to get Silver Preferred with US Airways. Those lucky-duckies did absolutely nothing & they're now the most elite of the elite. Their flight was in the air for 6 minutes. I had to make 25 grueling flights in one calendar year just for Silver.

I can hear them now - "Waaaah, I landed in the water. Waaah, I had to stand on the wing of the plane." Most of them have no idea the horrors of shit holes like the Rapid City Regional Airport. Want to have a tasty slice of Sbarro pizza before your flight - you're fucked because all they have is a crappy cafeteria. Don't even get me started about assignments in dry counties, hotels that are stingy with extra bars of soap, or what waiting day in & day out for the breakfast pizzas at the hotel buffet does to your soul.

Don't think I'm some cold hearted ex-business traveller. Listen to commenter Fedupincomptence writing at Usatoday.com (the newspaper of choice for all business travellers):

None of the passengers should be given Chairman Preferred! I've been flying US Airways for over a quarter of a century with some close calls and the only thing I get is what I earn. I have broken my rear to EARN & MAINTAIN Platinum Status. These folks should take their $5,000 they got for losing their bags and be quite. You want Chairman, platinum, Gold, Silver, YOU MUST EARN IT!

Chairman Preferred for a six minute flight? You can't punch me in the nutz and call me daddy - that just isn't right.

2009-02-05T19:37:00.006-05:00

Introducing MICROWAVE DELECTABLES with Geezy

As a great man once proclaimed, "Give me tasty microwave meals I can bring to work or give me death." I am confident that my fellow office workers agree on the importance of lunch in our day - it provides critical nutrients which allow us to operate at peak levels of efficiency, the mid-day break is a time to reflect on the day and bond with co-workers, and, if you choose the right lunch, you can mask the smell of the vodka you add to your coffee in order to look yourself in the mirror.

Choosing the right lunch is one of the most difficult tasks an office worker has to master. The grocery store offers a bewildering selection of delectable morsels at a variety of price points. The Man is here to help guide you, my dear reader, through the daunting world of microwave lunches.

While there are a number of important vectors that contribute to a successful microwave lunch, there's no single roadmap for making your decision. Rather than attempt to list all the possible options, I'll allow my theoretical framework reveal itself in it's application to the lunches I've been eating.

The Swanson Classics Boneless Pork...truly a classic. The makers of the first TV dinner has created a a solid addition to your frozen lunch rotation.

Pros:

The sweet smell of the bbq sauce will permeate the breakroom and seep into the hallway, making you the envy of all your co-workers.
There's more than enough bbq sauce to eat the pork and then mix in the corn & mashed potatoes.
The boneless pork is actually a pressed meat loaf so you don't have to worry about chipping a tooth or having to chew too vigorously.
It melts in your mouth quite nicely.
They've added enough salt to satisfy your RDA so you don't have to use your own - that's added value.
On sale you can get these for $1 each.

Cons

The novelty of the singular and consistently mushy texture of the every aspect of the meal wears off quickly, and by the end you feel like you're eating pre-chewed food.
If you don't have anything to read during lunch, you might look too long at the boneless pork loaf. You really don't want to do that if at all possible.
The mashed potatoes need more butter.

THE VERDICT

The Swanson Classics Boneless pork is ready to be a staple in your lunch rotation. On taste I'll give it 2 out of a possible 5 chocolate sprinkle donuts, but with the rock-bottom price of $1 per lunch (the lowest of all the microwave lunches I buy, in fact), this gets 2.5 chocolate sprinkle donuts. This can be a workhorse in your lunch rotation. Even if you don't particularly like the pressed pork loaf, you can't deny the $1 price. If there's one thing you take away from my advice, remember that you ONLY buy meals when they're on sale. Because sales change every week your forced to think outside the box & sample a veritable cornucopia of frozen delicacies created by your favorite corporations available at your family grocer.

2009-02-03T19:18:00.002-05:00

If all of us lived in the same town, I would buy Snuggies for everyone to hang out in while we watched tv on our couch. It was hard for me to give in to wearing the fleece hoodies Spike gives me for Xmas every year for the same reasons I fought against Crocs for so long. I knew they would be so comfortable that I would not be able to resist if i ever put them on, regardless of what my wearing them said about my lack of coolness. Now that I've broken those barriers I'm ready to live the Snuggy lifestyle.

2009-01-25T00:40:00.002-05:00

Y'all have heard about the new Jim Carrey Movie, Yes Man, where he has to say yes to everything in order to experience the fullness of life? I can really relate to that character. I'm just like him, except only with donuts, liquor, and videos where people get attacked by animals.

2009-01-22T22:07:00.009-05:00

Wel, my leg is 90% healed, I'm over my cold, and I've finally found my groove at work. Xmas break was super busy.

We fought off crazy dagos in Pittsburgh who were fighting to buy their spicy meatballs.

Did it up redneck style with quadrunners

Dressed up the dog to honor the birthday of the baby Jesus

Popped Cristal bottles all night long on New Years

Rocked it out with Dick Clark

Made a kitty nest for Mr. Peaches

Somehow I can't find any pictures of our fun times with Kristen, but rest assured, we had tons of fun. Once we get a certain someone to move to Philly we'll be able to eat quesadillas together all the time.

2009-01-22T22:03:00.001-05:00

BREAKING NEWS: I'm Chuck Bass!

2009-01-20T19:58:00.000-05:00

2009-01-08T19:58:00.002-05:00

i don't remember the instructional videos at burger king being this much fun. Adale just called me a true retard for watching these, but she'll never have the grill skills I have.

2009-01-07T21:05:00.003-05:00

Carpeted Stairs 1, My Calf Muscle 0

I'll have updates on the Xmas break later, but there's a more pressing news story at the moment - I'm injured!! It's a pretty lame story. I was stepping down a mini-flight of stairs (2 stairs) and felt a sharp pain in my calf, like someone hit me with a ball-peen hammer. I fell down but managed to hobble downstairs & called Adale to drive me home. Adale diagnosed me from the web & today my doctor confirmed what she thought - I have a calf strain, meaning I have a tear in my calf muscle. It was totally weird the first night because the injury to the muscle made it so my foot had to be pointed completely down or I was in crazy pain. The doctor gave my crutches (unfortunately, he was all out of canes) .

The bad news is that I may never be able to jog again.

The good news is that for the next few days I can legitimately use scooters at the grocery, as I do in the grainy video below. You wouldn't believe how those things can turn on a dime.

2008-12-21T23:38:00.002-05:00

Happy Holidays, Bitches!

Adale & I are off to the 'Burgh tomorrow, which means Casual Fridays n'at will be on vacation for the next week. Have tons of fun and I'll be back soon!

Mr. G

2008-12-18T07:23:00.003-05:00

DATELINE: Chili's restaurant, December 17, 2008, 6:22 pm

2008-12-16T22:57:00.002-05:00

Parking on our street is tough at night because of the brew pub that opened up at the end of the block. Last night I was trying to find a parking spot when this dillhole parked in the middle of a space big enough for two cars, not leaving space for another car. After parking 2 blocks away from my house (the space he fucked up was right in front of our place), I left the note above on the dillhole's car.

2008-12-14T11:42:00.003-05:00

**************** UPDATE (Spoiler alert) *************

The apes rose up & kicked ass. Apes 1, Humans 0.

2008-12-14T06:31:00.004-05:00

DATELINE: My Couch

I'm up super early due to a bad case of heartburn. I had it last night too but it had gone away before I went to sleep. I f-ing hate having heartburn but it's giving me a chance to watch Conquest for the Planet of the Apes. I saved the movie, along with 5 other Planet of the Ape movies, on Thanksgiving - American Movie Classics plays a marathon of them every year on Thanksgiving in order to remind us to be thankful that the Apes haven't risen up against us yet.

After the first 10 minutes I can tell that Conquest is going to be awesome. It's set in 1991, when apes were slaves to humans & tells the story of Cesar, the first ape to rise up against the humans, beginning the chain of events leading to the apes taking over the planet. All dogs & cats died from a virus brought to Earth by an astronaut. Because humans are petty and have an innate desire to control others, they began to domesticate monkeys and apes. Soon humans realized that monkeys and apes could be more than pets. They were quickly bred to be close to human size, trained to do basic tasks, and then treated as slaves. They had all sorts of jobs, like cleaning streets and houses and working at the desks of libraries retrieving reserved books. One of my favorite quotes in the beginning of the movie is from a scene at a restaurant with chimps as waiters. While sipping her ice tea, one woman said to her (female) friend:

"Now that they've been trained not to kill us I don't find them as interesting as I used to."

I've got to get back to the movie but will report back later. Peace out, homo sapien sapiens.

2008-12-08T23:29:00.009-05:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Ok, it's a few days late. Thanksgiving weekend was a blur since AMC played all the Plant of the Apes movies back-to-back all weekend, 24-7. All I can remember is leftovers and Dr. Zaius. Then we were camping outside the movie theater waiting for the opening of Twilight (ed. note: why don't hunky vampires ever fall for me? :( After that I was planning for the office holiday party last Friday - memorizing funny stories, mapping out the snack tables, etc. I think I also spent a day or so thinking about the following: cats, current events, snacks, current paranormal events, the assassination of JFK, naked ladies, and where I can get the best prices on blank cds.

Anyhooters, Thanksgiving was great. We ordered the turkey from the co-op. It came fresh, in its own box, from the oldest turkey farm in the US.

After substantial research, I settled on melting butter & fresh herbs to rub under the skin. I also put carrots, onions, celery, and more fresh herbs in the cavity (it always feels dirty saying that word). While it was roasting I set the alarm every 30 minutes for basting.

Make sure you double-click on that beats & take a good look at it. It was so goddamn juicy & tasty!

We had lots of other yummy dishes, including Adale's roasted vegetables in a balsamic glaze, garlicky mashed potatoes, and regular & wheat-free pumpkin pies.

Here's the gang (clockwise): Adale, Brent, Lisa, Liz.

2008-11-21T07:31:00.002-05:00

hey all - I'm about to go off to work but wanted to touch base. We got about 1/2 inches of snow last night & it seems like I can't be in denial about winter coming. We're going bowling tonight. Getting ready for thanksgiving. Trying to avoid cyber-attacks. talk to you later.

2008-11-19T07:34:00.002-05:00

Mood: grumpy

I found put yesterday that we don't do a Secret Santa in the office. What kind of godless people am I surrounded with? They all seemed so nice...this reminds me of a tv preacher I watched once who was asking the viewers what kind of popular music was the most dangerously Satanic. No, not Slayer or King Diamond, but Whitney Houston. Know why? King Diamond and the like, he argued, are too obvious for Christians to get sucked in to. But Whitney Houston's sweet voice singing the anti-Christian anthem, the Greatest Love of All, is beloved by all Americans. Listen to the lyrics -

Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

The greatest love of all is inside me? It's learning to love myself? That's not what Jesus says. That's new age satanic mind-control programming.

2008-11-18T22:08:00.003-05:00

We've been obsessed with Desperate Housewives the last few weeks. It's a pretty awesome show. Not Buffy, 6 Feet Under, or Trailer Park Boys awesome, but it's a lot of fun. I highly recommend it.

2008-11-17T19:10:00.004-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I've had several seasons of The Wire on our list for months because I've read so many people say how great it is, but I would really would rather watch Desperate Housewives or old horror movies. What's on your queue that, if your honest with yourself, you'll never watch unless you accidentally let it slip to the top?

2008-11-17T19:08:00.000-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

2008-11-16T11:48:00.005-05:00

Awesome picture of Sarah Palin in College, c. 1982

2008-11-12T07:43:00.004-05:00

Brownie Bites = +5 Social Capital Points

One of the key lessons I have learned about success in an office environment thus far is the critical importance of building and maintaining social capital throughout the workday and workweek. The following are just a few of the time-tested methods for creating social capital in this particular environment:

chatting for several minutes at the beginning of the workday (bonus points for being the first to bring up a notable television event, such as what happened on the previous night's Very Special Episode of E.R.)
forwarding funny emails
being the first to mention the latest viral video
suggesting plans for after work social gathering (the act of suggesting such an event is almost as valuable as the event actually taking place)
sharing valuable office supplies (printer paper, sticky pads, etc)

And of course, bringing snacks for the office. This week the opportunity to use snacks to raise my profile in the office.

A brownie gift basket company called my cubicle looking for the former resident to ask about his standing Christmas order. When I explained that I was a new occupant of the cubicle, the sales consultant offered to send out a sample pack of brownies. Talk about a manna from the heavens - I love free things and I am obsessed with maximizing my standing in the office hierarchy. The brownies arrived a few days later. After lunch, I cut them into bite-sized pieces and took around a plate to fellow co-workers. You wouldn't believe how excited people were. "You're so nice Greg"..."What a great treat!!"..."You are now at the top of the list for the next promotion" (that was implied through a supervisor's joyful expression with a mouthful of cappuccino brownie). And that, my friends, is just the beginning.

2008-11-05T23:30:00.001-05:00

Africa? hahahahahahahahahah..............

2008-11-05T20:08:00.001-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

2008-11-05T17:53:00.001-05:00

not my joke, but funny

It's September 12, 2001. You're sitting in front of a TV, watching footage of the World Trade Center collapse over and over and over again.

All of a sudden, someone from seven years in the future walks out of a tiny temporal vortex, and tells you: George W. Bush is going to fuck this up so badly that in 2008, the United States of America will likely elect as president a black man whose middle name is Hussein and whose father was Muslim. Oh, and he also admits he's used cocaine.

I think it would have been easier to convince me of the reality of time travel. "No, no, I believe you really are from the future. But the other stuff, that's CRAZY."

2008-11-04T22:29:00.002-05:00

Think you were obsessed with the campaign? Try this quiz & let me know what y'all got. I thought it was pretty tough - I got 22 out of 30.

2008-11-04T21:54:00.000-05:00

2008-11-04T07:40:00.000-05:00

Times are tough - vote for change!

2008-11-02T19:37:00.005-05:00

Rocktoberfest 2008!

I've neglected to tell you, my loyal readers, that we've been very Fall (as in the season) focused. Check out this list.

walked through park to see leaves changing
drank homemade cider at someone's party
made offerings to the harvest gods
cooked several squash-centered meals
made caramel apples

We also went almost-all-out for Halloween.

carved jack-o-lanterns
baked pumpkin seeds & ate them
dressed up for the trick-or-treaters
decorated the yard for same trick-or-treaters (including a realistically molded plastic human skull, robber spiders & snakes, fake tombstones & real candles, giant fake spider, black light on porch, spooky noises/music cd playing
scared the shit out of a number of trick-or-treaters (including making at least 2 cry)
attended a Halloween party dressed in costume
walked to said party in costume & in character (zombies, 'natch)

2008-10-31T18:11:00.001-04:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2008-10-31T09:10:00.000-04:00

Happy Halloween, my pretties!

2008-10-25T00:02:00.002-04:00

I'm all set up for a bachelor weekend - Adale is in the 'Burgh & I am on the couch (tm) watching horror movies, drinking beer, and generally harassing the kitties. I just finished Last House on the Left. I think it was Wes Craven's directorial debut. It was considered super shocking and disturbing when it opened in 1972, but compared to movies like Saw and Audition, I can't imagine any movies from the '70's being able to really shock. That said, it was fun to see the hippy dream of peace and love get mutilated by sociopathic ex-cons. Next up is Three...Extremes, a Japanese movie from 2005 made up of three short pieces. I'm excited because they're supposed to be really creepy. If they don't do the trick I have a Hong Kong gangster flick called The Longest Night ready to roll.

2008-10-21T08:01:00.002-04:00

Plans for today

Consider mid-morning donut
Send Madonna encouraging note after her break-up
Decide where Patterson Bigfoot footprint cast will hang in my cubicle
Bond with co-workers over World Series
Keep rockin' in the free world

2008-10-21T07:59:00.000-04:00

Mimi looking very cute (photo by Adale).

2008-10-21T07:55:00.000-04:00

Luigi and Mario dolls from a toy store in Chinatown.

2008-10-19T23:25:00.003-04:00

Lost Treasures

The last few months have been so exciting that I have a backlog of pictures from my adventures that have yet to see the light of day.

In this shot I am posing in front of the oldest Ginko tree in the U.S. When you click to get the bigger picture you can see upclose my goosebumps.

I know all of you recognize this hallowed ground - the Dukes of Hazzard Museum at Cooter's Place Nashville. At Cooter's you walk with the ghosts of legends...I swear that, out of the corner of my eye, the wax sculpture of Uncle Jesse winked at me as I passed by.

2008-10-19T13:27:00.000-04:00

LOCATION: On the couch

STATUS: Content

2008-10-18T10:31:00.003-04:00

DATELINE: Germantown, PA

I finally found a place that will get my clothes Chihuahua-clean.

2008-10-15T19:47:00.000-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

2008-10-15T07:29:00.002-04:00

7-11 has a wonderful public education & awareness program utilizing their delicious donuts. I learned just the other day that it's breast cancer awareness month.

2008-10-14T19:31:00.000-04:00

Bad News: My 401K lost 10% of it's value in the last 30 days.

Good News: I only lost $41.

2008-10-11T13:15:00.002-04:00

DATELINE: OBAMA RALLY

Adale & I went to an Obama rally in our 'hood this morning. We got there about 1/2 hour before the program was start and at the end of a line of several thousand people.

By the time we got into the park we heard the last 3 sentences of Obama's speech. They very inspiring, however, even when he was saying "thanks for coming."

2008-10-10T07:59:00.000-04:00

2008-10-10T07:53:00.000-04:00

I was wondering how she did it...

2008-10-08T23:40:00.002-04:00

Today was a regular day until 3:30 pm. F-ing around on the internet, finding rich people, reading the blogs (FYI: Jonathan Knight from NKOTB is gay & will come out soon - the rest of the band is cool with it), worrying about when the office coffee order will arrive. That all change with one email.

A higher up asked me to research an alum for an upcoming meeting for the president. I thought I recognized the name, and with just a few keystrokes I realized that I did. I was asked to research someone who played a small but notable role in the JFK assassination saga. I can't say who he was without risking my anonymity, but it's someone who was an important part of re-investigations of the assassination taking place in the 1970's.

You can imagine how excited I was. I once sat next to Sen. Arlen Spector (R-PA) at the Pittsburgh airport (low level investigator with the Warren Commission & creator of the 'single-bullet-theory) and this was almost as exciting. Maybe I should start shopping at the grocery store in his neighborhood so I can 'accidentally' bump into him & ask him what really happened with the investigation. In my Kennedy Assassination delirium I found this website with all the source material you need to really get into the nitty gritty of the case. I'm going to start working on my paper on Oswald's trip to Mexico City this weekend.

2008-10-07T23:36:00.002-04:00

ELECTION PREDICTION

The last few weeks have been really good for Obama, with Independents appearing to break towards him. After hearing CNN's quick polls about the debate, especially the internals (on who's more likable Obama was around +30, on who sounded like a typical politician Obama was also around +30, who Independants think won the debate Obama was +26), I now feel confident that Obama will win in November. It seems like a majority of people have decided they want Obama as president and nothing either one of them says from now on matters. You never know what will happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if Obama ended up with 330+ electoral votes.

2008-10-07T21:29:00.003-04:00

JIMMY CHEW UPDATE

Carrie reminded me that I never let y'all know the fate of little Jimmy Chew. I decided to put him in a hamster cage & let Mr. Peaches have some fun digging out his "prize."

Just Kidding! After I had Jimmy Chew trapped in the kitchen, I went next door and asked our neighbor Ronnie if he grandkids (they stay with her now & then) had a pet hamster. She said they had 2 hamsters & they both got away a month ago. I asked her if one was white & brown and she said that that was the smart one, the one that always figured out a way to escape. She said that the smart one had escaped & helped the smart one get away too. I put Jimmy Chew in a shoe box & showed him to Ronnie - she couldn't believe that he was still alive after a month on the lamb.

Ronnie gave us Jimmy Chew's old cage to put him in - the picture below is of Ronnie marveling at the miracle of Jimmy Chew.

* I saw her little 5 year old grandson Koran a few days later & he told me that the little guy's name is Cinnamon.

2008-10-02T22:23:00.002-04:00

I've been taking a shot every time Palin says "maverick" and I can't feel my eyelids.

2008-10-01T23:36:00.000-04:00

2008-09-30T23:34:00.001-04:00

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

I have an informational interview with this guy next week. Keep your fingers crossed!!!

2008-09-29T07:39:00.000-04:00

JIMMY 2 (CHEW) IN REAL LIFE!

2008-09-29T07:35:00.000-04:00

TRAPPED!

2008-09-28T09:07:00.005-04:00

BREAKING NEWS: I caught the Hamster!!

We've had a free-range hamster coming into our house for a few weeks now. Adale first heard this crazy hissing in the kitchen & noticed that Mr. Peaches was very excited. After finding kitty food scattered near a missing baseboard, as well as a few rodent poops on the floor, we figured we had a mouse or rat. We set out mouse traps for a few nights but didn't catch anything.

I caught the first glimpse of the critter when I ran into the kitchen upon hearing the hissing. I expected to see a rat & was surprised to see a teddy bear hamster that bore a striking resemblance to my childhood pet hamster, Jimmy (maybe it wasn't that striking since hamsters only come in a few different colors.) The other morning Adale saw Jimmy 2, or Jimmy Chew, run across the dining room floor being chased by Mr. Peaches.

We live in a row house & some kid on the block must have had a pet hamster that got away. They don't live very long - 2 t0 3 years tops.

This morning I heard the hissing again & went into action. I dumped out the magazines from a wicker basket to use as a cage. To my luck Jimmy Chew was in the middle of the Kitchen being slapped around by Mr. Peaches. Did I mention that Mr. Peaches only slaps Jimmy Chew around? He has no killing instinct. He won't even bite the hamster. Pretty lame, right? Anyway, Jimmy Chew was in the middle of the kitchen ad I popped the basket over him. I had to put a case of beer on top of the basket because Mr. Peaches was pushing it around, trying to get at Jimmy Chew.

And that's where we stand at the moment. Adale & I are on the couch drinking coffee and Jimmy Chew is trapped in the kitchen, nibbling on the kitty food I gave him. We're debating what to do with the little guy. Options are

let return to his free-range life in the walls of our house
ask around to find out which neighbor lost a hamster
devote my life to building the greatest hamster cage ever known to mankind

I'm leaning toward option 3, but I haven't mentioned it to Adale yet.

2008-09-27T11:59:00.002-04:00

Fast forward to 4:25 and listen through to 4:35. Obama is talking about his & McCain's differences about meeting with foreign leaders. Last week McCain had an interview with a latino radio station form Miami and was asked if he would meet with the PM of Spain - McCain gave a confused answer but the next day his campaign manager said that McCain was saying that he wouldn't meet with him. At 4:30 - 4:32, if you turn the volume up, you can hear McCain muttering "horseshit" twice under his breath.

2008-09-27T01:42:00.002-04:00

watched the debate but am disappointed that a slap fight didn't break out. No mention of the UFO threat by either candidate - When will they demonstrate executive leadership for the most pressing issue of the day? Sticking your head in the sand won't make our Martian overlords any less eager to enslave and farm out the human race.

2008-09-25T20:50:00.002-04:00

Feel smarter in 1 1/2 minutes

Works faster than ginkgo-biloba!

2008-09-24T20:34:00.005-04:00

DATELINE: Cape May, Sept 14 9:45 pm

Mood - very very excited.
Cheese fries + bacon strips + crumbled bacon + ranch dressing on the plate =
the most beautiful sight in the world

DATELINE: Cape May, Sept 14 10:17 pm

Mood - flat affect, dazed
Cheese fries + bacon strips + crumbled bacon + ranch dressing in our bellies =
deep and immediate regret + intense nausea

2008-09-24T19:53:00.007-04:00

WEDDING EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!

The Vows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bern laughs (she's not choking). The fellow with the long hair & beard to the
right is Kristen's dad with his wife

lovely baskets for the flower girls, courtesy of Adale

cupcake tower!!

Bern's sister, Kristen, Bern, Bern's brother, Bern's two little nieces

2008-09-20T11:22:00.002-04:00

Today is Kristen's wedding!!! We had dinner last night with her family - all really nice - and now we're off to Michaels to buy a few last things for the wedding. I'll post pictures tomorrow. Adios!!

2008-09-17T21:01:00.002-04:00

BREAKING NEWS: Greg is a Fugitive!

Through work I can buy a discount train pass if I go through a certain website. This might be surprising to many of you, especially those who recognize my preternatural business sense & laser-like focus, but I bought the wrong the wrong pass. I thought that since the website knew where I lived & where I worked that I would only be allowed to buy the right pass. Whoops.

The first week I had no problems & the train guys never questioned my pass, but last week a train guy cheerfully explained that I would owe $3.50 each way, every day, because I bought the wrong pass. $7 extra per day because I need to go one stop further than allowed by my pass.

They won't let me trade up for the right pass, even if I pay the difference (way less than $7 per day). So I have no choice. They are forcing me to become a fugitive & ride the rails as an outlaw. Now I have to constantly keep my eyes on the train guys, always knowing where they are & whether they are asking for tickets/passes. Some days they never ask, but you never know.

I've devised a plan to avoid the train guy who first asked me for $$ & identified my less-than-desirable pass by waiting between where the doors of the train will be & waiting for the few seconds when the train guys step off the train when it comes to a complete stop. This allows me to choose the car without the hardass train guy. This plan isn't perfect because while the hardass train guy likely will always ask me for money, any of the other train guys could do the same.

You can never tell what will happen. One particular train guy saw my pass & asked me for $3.50 last week, but then has not asked for money the following times he has seen my pass. I use my thumb to hide the most tell-tale marking on my pass but this is also imperfect because my pass has a slight but noticeably different background from the correct pass.

Today was exciting as I realized that one of the train guys recognizes me from my daily commute - a minor level of trust that I can exploit to my advantage. On the way home I had to stand in the aisle because the seats were full. When my new buddy was walking down the aisle asking for tickets & passes I began to reach into my pocket for my wallet, where my pass is located. He saw this and said something to the effect of "don't worry about it buddy." I made a mental note to always have both my hands full in the hopes that my new friend wouldn't want to inconvenience me with having to juggle my possessions in order to get out my pass. Pray for me that I can make it until my new correct pass arrives for October.

2008-09-13T07:41:00.002-04:00

DATELINE: Big Blue

We're headed off to Cape May NJ for a wedding this weekend so there won't be any more posts until Monday night, at least. Talk to y'all later.

2008-09-11T23:19:00.000-04:00

KARL ROVE IS AWESOME!

at keeping a straight face

2008-09-09T20:10:00.006-04:00

IMPORTANT INFORMATION: My daily schedule

6:30 am alarm goes off

6:40 get out of bed & take a shower

6:52 get out of shower, dry off, go into office & turn on iron

6:58 shave & fix hair

7:08 iron shirt and or shirt if necessary & get dressed

7:20 go downstairs & eat breakfast, most likely Frosted Flakes

7:25 add music or radio show to phone for listening on way to work

7:42 leave house for train

7:52 arrive at train stop

7:58 board train

8:16 arrive at train stop for University X

8:17 try not to be obvious or creepy while ogling co-eds on walk to office

8:28 buy donut at 7/11 four doors down from my office

8:35 arrive at my cubicle

8:36 turn on computer, grab my coffee mug & water glass and go to break room

8:38 make cup of coffee & fill up glass of ice water

8:41 return to cubicle and chat with colleagues to reinforce important anti-management bond

8:47 finish donut and curse my decision not to buy two donuts

9:00 read NY Times & Wall Street Journal online looking for articles relevant to the university

9:40 begin looking for rich alumni who haven’t been connected with the school post-graduation by looking through corporate SEC filings

11:00 check internet to make sure bigfoot has not been captured, watch video if he was

11:10 eat gluten free snack bar

11:15 begin bios & financial profiles on the 4 alumni I identified earlier

12:30 go to break room & microwave Trader Joe’s pad thai bowl for lunch

1:15 back to the cubicle to work

3:00 finish bio/financial profiles & email them to co-worker to look over before I email them to appropriate deans

3:15 start looking for more rich alumni

3:45 read political blogs & use my anger about the a-hole republicans to fuel my last 75 minutes of work

4:15 finish one last bio/profile & send out for editing

4:15- 4:50 create list of possible prospects for profiling tomorrow

4:55 change from business shoes to walking shoes

5:00 say goodbye to everyone & leave for train stop

5:18 try not to be obvious or creepy while ogling co-eds on walk to train

5:17 catch #7 train home

5:33 arrive at my stop & walk home

5:45 arrive at home to find Mr. Peaches in the window & Adale on the couch, eagerly awaiting my arrival. Mimi doesn't care that I'm home, however.

5:46 - 12:00 fun & relaxation

2008-09-09T19:59:00.001-04:00

Not necessarily a bad thing, however

2008-09-09T18:49:00.002-04:00

Check this shit out!!

God damn I wish my office had one of these. This is way better than the hot dog vending machine at DFW. I had been feeling pretty good about my office situation - the close proximity to a full service 7-11, a veritable cornucopia of food trucks throughout campus, and I don't have to mention the newspaper reading assignment, so I? But, a pizza vending machine would be a dream. I love me some frozen pizza and I do believe last June's Harvard Business Review that a 10% increase in airborne pizza molecules creates a synergistic effect, raising productivity along with lowering worker's desire for equitable compensation.

2008-09-05T16:25:00.001-04:00

Whom among us does not enjoy Christian Ska?

2008-09-05T11:58:00.003-04:00

When I got up for work last Thursday I thought, "Greg, you deserve a donut today. Wouldn't it be great if some angel descended from the heavens and brought donuts to work?" Lo and behold, what did I see when I got to the breakroom?

That's right - 24 delicious donuts free for the taking! I was so freamin' excited! The weekend was shaping up to be wonderful with free donuts on Thursday and then Allison coming to town Friday night.

So I made a cup of coffee, grabbed a donut, and headed to my desk to start the day off right. I don't have to tell my fellow office workers that 6 of the greatest words in the English language are "free donuts in the break room", perhaps second only to "boss is paying for happy hour."
Even the mini-greggytron-3000 can detect the excitement in the air.

I know you, my dear readers, have excellent powers of observation & are wondering why I had a vanilla-iced donut and not my favorite, the chocolate-iced donut. I did eat a chocolate one in the break room but decided to leave the last remaining chocolate donut in the box for my co-workers (you never know who's watching, ready to snitch you out for being greedy) and take the vanilla one to my desk. This is one of the countless instances throughout the day where a working knowledge of Game Theory is critical to success in the office environment.

2008-08-29T00:43:00.000-04:00

2008-08-28T23:59:00.002-04:00

Meckalecka Hi Mecka Hiney Ho friends!

Another week is coming to an end at the office. The bossman has been away for 2 straight weeks, meaning an extra few minutes in the break room & 2 more chit-chat sessions added into the daily routine! I may celebrate the end of the week & casual friday with a donut tomorrow morning.

Allison is coming in for the weekend & we're super super excited. I have tortillas, cheese, & refried beans waiting for the word that quesadillas are desired. Y'all have fun & I'll check in later.

2008-08-27T18:16:00.001-04:00

Introducing Fortune Cookies to the Chinese

2008-08-25T23:02:00.002-04:00

DATELINE: Big Blue

It's been more difficult than I imagined it would be to get used to the 9-5 world. I love my cubicle, my train ride, having a 7-11 on campus just 4 doors down from my building, and being paid to sit in front of a computer all day, but in some strange way that I don't completely understand, routine makes it difficult to plan certain things. Specifically, it's been hard to keep up with Casual Friday's n'at. But never fear, dear readers, because I have put my considerable business experience, along with my innate ability to monetize synergistic relationships, to work solving this issue and I foresee a dramatic shift in the frequency of posts in the near future.

Top 5 things I like to talk to my co-workers at the beginning of the day*

recent alligator attacks
my kitties
The a/c system, because some days its not working & the office is really muggy
sasquatch
green eggs and ham**

* all are from actual conversations
** except this one

2008-08-20T07:29:00.002-04:00

Researcher says Bigfoot just a rubber gorilla suit

I never saw this coming - someone in the government finally got to the Georgia guys & made them change their story.

2008-08-19T21:58:00.001-04:00

BREAKING NEWS: New Video of Bigfoot!

This story keeps getting stranger & stranger

2008-08-18T19:35:00.002-04:00

Hey all - the Entertainment Lawyer (enty to his friends) had some juicy blind items last Friday, all involving major people from the 4th greatest TV show ever, 90210. Let's hear you guesses people!

Four For Friday

So how about some original 90210 blinds. They all involve people who were on the show. And no, not just people who were on for an episode or two.

#1 - This actress recently reunited with her former flame for about a week of loving when each of their current relationships turned sour at about the same time. After a week they realized why the hell they had broken up in the first place.

#2 and #3 - Despite the age difference, this younger actress on the show came out to this older actress on the show and they had a love affair for about a year. The older actress had been married, but was not at the time of the romance. The younger actress has never been married.

#4 - Although she was portrayed as innocent on the show, in real life, this actress was not so innocent. During the course of each season she would generally get with 4-5 different members of the cast and crew. If you do the math, it is quite the number.

2008-08-17T14:51:00.001-04:00

MEANEST OBIT EVER?

Dolores Aguilar

1929 - Aug. 7, 2008
Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby.
She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.
Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.
Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.
There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.

2008-08-16T11:18:00.003-04:00

BIGFOOT UPDATE - It's More Mysterious Than We Ever Imagined

The Georgia Bigfoot dudes announced in their press conference the results of two DNA tests. One test from the body had human DNA, another from the intestines had possum DNA. Our worst fears have been confirmed- Bigfoot is a not a non-homo sapien sapien branch of primate evolution but instead some hellish half-human/half-possum clone! I can only imagine the evil, devious mind that created this miserable beast